Finally has replied saying she hasn't paid as she had different figures. I've reminded her what we agreed and suggested ways to pay. Mainly she just wanted to ask about me and my activities and talk about problems with S. She suggested meeting up but I replied that yes I've been enjoying various things with S and friends but now I'm very busy. She's meeting S for lunch so I wished her well. Let's see if finally she contributes and stops trying to see me. She signs her email "love", I don't.
Scrant, it's sounds like your doing very will DBing... Your strength in doing your own thing and avoiding WW cake eating is enviable... I also respect your decision not to date until she's out of your head, it will surely make for a better future R, whoever it may be with.. Stay strong, work on being happy, and keep taking such great care of your son..
M - 9 1/2 years 5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA 10/31/16 - We sold house 01/10/18 - D Finalized
Had a great time with S at the basketball match and a Saturday evening dinner with friends. On Sunday I ran a half marathon distance for the first time. The trouble is that when I have a good time I feel the loss of W even more. It is hard not have her there to share the experience with. Mind you I suppose she must feel something of that when she hears about our activities. Maybe not who knows? Our financial impasse continues but I'm optimistic that we'll work something out. In her last email she said it would be nice to see me but I deflected that idea away. Soon I'll have to start planning the long summer holidays for S and I. That will bring new problems as we always used to visit W's family and spend time in a small village doing lots of things with everyone. Don't know if S will want to go if W proposes going with OM. Obviously I won't be going. We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. Trying not to suffer with imagining problems or torturing myself about the past or present. Doesn't help when she appears in my dreams frequently. Last night I dreamt I was on holiday with them both and sister-in-law. Not a great dream! Don't hold out much hope of things changing, I know nothing about her life,thoughts and feelings anymore. It saddens me and I wish I could change things but I can't nor can I move on fully with my life while I still have such strong feelings for her.
Scrant i think you are like me, we are empty without someone to share our experiences with, the good, the bad and the amazing.
You will find someone to share with again.
Me31 W31 M11yrs S6yrs 23Mar16-BD 9Apr16-W admitted EA w boss. 27Jun16-W Changed job and promised NC w OM. 14Jul16-Continued contact w OM.Start of Separation. 24May17-Divorced.
Thanks Natus. There are so many moments when you turn to say something and then realize there's no one to tell. Decision making all by yourself is a tough one too, you get used to sharing everything. There are so many moments each day I want to share with W but can't. In the end you just have to accept each moment for what it is and not let the past and the future play with your head.
Never felt so down in a long time. Mind has been straying to her, to him and her, past events both good and bad. Feel really lonely without her especially as the days get better and all I see are families and couples everywhere. Fighting the temptation to reach out to her. I won't and can't but it is really hard at the moment. Nothing seems to keep me interested at the moment. I'm fighting a mixture of anger, frustration, sadness and jealousy. I'll get through it but it is tough. Just venting.
Hi Scrant, I haven't stopped by for a little while and sorry you're having a rough phase. I've just been posting about Shawn Achor and the happiness advantage on another thread. If you haven't seen his TED talk it's well worth a look.
Now what concerns me about your post above is the way you seem to feel your own happiness is linked to what your W can offer you. And of course, while she's cohabiting with her AP, she's going to offer you very little. So, what she isn't giving you, you need to give yourself (all apart from intimacy with other women if you hope to save your M.)
So, she isn't meeting needs you have - social needs, company and so on. I know from you posting before that you've gained a lot from GAL before. What's happening with it now my friend? Are you continuing to push forward there? There's a reason GAL is pushed so much on the forum - and that is because....it really does help!
So - personal challenge for you - a new regular GAL activity identified by the end of this month to start in June....are you up for it? I started salsa dancing recently and I love it! It's hard to feel sad when you're dancing.
All the feelings you're having are linked to your focus being on her. That's a cheeseless tunnel for you.....luckily there are many good places to find cheese. You just have to go a lookin' xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks for the encouragement. The next few weeks are going to be taken up almost exclusively with work but after that I will try to find something. As I have posted before the summer is going to be a long one, the first in my new sitch and I think I'm avoiding planning it at the moment, avoiding conversations with W about what S may or may not want to do. Stupid really as I'm sure she's got her plans and won't worry about telling me. Look at Easter when she disappeared for a few days only telling S. I really can't complain, I've had some good moments over the last few months but you are right Sotto I still have the tendency to stop and wish she was there to share them and complete my happiness. Still learning how to deal with this new life, my friends say I'm too hard on myself, mindfulness has helped me to try to be more understanding of myself too. Trying not to speculate about she'll say and do in response to the minimum contact, should trust myself more as the few times we have met things have gone well for me. I feel like W is using finance disputes to try to meet me, we have already agreed things twice but now she says lets meet to talk it over and it would be nice to see you sometime. I suppose she wants to check I'm still there. I have told her there is no need so then she goes silent and does nothing. I really don't want to meet as I know she'll smile, hold my arm, hug me etc and chat as if nothing has ever happened. We did it in January and March, don't feel like doing it again. What would be the point? Time to carry on with my life without overthinking things, enjoy time with S and leave W to her life. She chose her new sitch to be happy, she expected S and I to be in her life almost on a daily basis but that hasn't happened. I have no idea what she thinks or feels anymore. Time to accept she is no longer the woman I knew before and concentrate on my new life, trying not to let the inevitable and necessary contact I have to have with her affect me so much. The reality is that looking at things coldly she isn't coming back and I could never join in her new life with OM as her best friend, something she wanted from the day she walked out.
So, given that she is truly gone for now - what is your life going to look like? Why not get in there and start to make some great plans for yourselves over the summer? Who cares what she may have planned? Use this time to make your own plans and have the best summer possible......xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks I've just watched the Shawn Achor talk. Great fun and something which chimes with my mindfulness. Time to get positive again. I'll start planning the holiday this weekend. I just haven't time this week. Slowly getting to the point when I can face the idea that this state is what there is now and time to enjoy it the best I can.
xx