Sandi is all knowing. My WW brought up like 15 things she had never even mentioned in our 9 years together, coupled with a sprinkling of some minor complaints over the years. I bought it hook line and sinker. All BS. She actually told me she didn't like that I did help with household chores.. Lol. It all goes hand and hand with re-writing of the history to self justify as well as justify to others her actions.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
I totally get it. I guess I shouldn't say that me not doing chores was one of the reasons. Everything adds up. I was addicted to pain meds, and was on auto-pilot in the worst way. No excersise. Never wanted to go out. Sex drive was very low. Never did anything for my wife other than if I was asked. And if not, I was keeping myself busy with various hobbies (video games/digital art/odd jobs). Looking back, I wouldn't want to be with me.
But all that has changed now for me. I went thru a BD/separation AND drug widrawl at the exact same time. I had to tackle two things I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy at once. That REALLY helps put life in perspective and focus on whats important. What's really important. It was then that I realized how much I really did care for my W and what we have. But damage had been done. I cannot change how I was. No, its not all my fault, she has a bevy of things to work on too.
I've pulled a sharp 180 in the last few months, not because I wanted to, but because its me. I wasn't myself before. I'm back, and I know she sees it, but patience is all I can contribute right now in regards to my MR. Personally, I'm on full blast, like I used to be.
She did say that she wants to feel alive in a R, and that it hadn't been that way for a while. And that, I totally get. I had given up on living. I wasn't suicidal or anything like, but I was just kind of...there. That is 100% not me, which is why part of me is glad this happened, because it seemed to trigger something inside of me that otherwise might not have.
which is why part of me is glad this happened, because it seemed to trigger something inside of me that otherwise might not have.
DigIt - this ^^^ right here is the right attitude and the one pearl of wisdom I wish everyone to leave this place with. Take this horrible situation as a trigger to reclaim yourself. Focus on that, only that, and not on her, and let the chips fall where they may. You are guaranteed to leave here happier than you were, regardless of what happens.
which is why part of me is glad this happened, because it seemed to trigger something inside of me that otherwise might not have.
DigIt - this ^^^ right here is the right attitude and the one pearl of wisdom I wish everyone to leave this place with. Take this horrible situation as a trigger to reclaim yourself. Focus on that, only that, and not on her, and let the chips fall where they may. You are guaranteed to leave here happier than you were, regardless of what happens.
yep, things will be as they may. The only thing I am in control of is myself, so I'm focused on that.
Regardless if we are married or divorced, I've already lost her. But with my new attitude, I see it as SHE lost ME.
But with my new attitude, I see it as SHE lost ME.
Hear hear!
For me too, I was certainly no prize the last few years because of my own baggage I was dealing with, but now I feel like I've had my reckoning and am moving forward. Meanwhile WW is still spinning; still flailing externally for what will make her happy.
Me, WW - Upper 30s BD - Apr 1 2016 EA - Apr 7 2016 (discovered; ongoing for months; did not confront right away) Confronted wife about EA - May 17 Wife sent NC email to OM - July 11
But with my new attitude, I see it as SHE lost ME.
Hear hear!
For me too, I was certainly no prize the last few years because of my own baggage I was dealing with, but now I feel like I've had my reckoning and am moving forward. Meanwhile WW is still spinning; still flailing externally for what will make her happy.
I'm seeing that a bit with my W too. She's def not herself and I can just tell she isn't excited to leave. She won't admit it, but she may have jumped the gun moving out, but I know it will be for the best, whether we end up together or not. I'm just taking one day at a time and making myself a better person.
So far, everyday this week, I've been asked by W if I was doing anything and where I was going. Its not mean-spirited, just inquiring. But its constant whenever I'm going out. I'm trying to be nice about it without letting her know exactkt where I'm going or who with.
Yesterday, she was going to a friends house last night, and on her own accord told me that's what she was doing. Right now, honestly, I couldn't care less. She ahd a very awkward moment when she left though, because I could tell she wanted to say bye, but I was busy in another room, so she clumsily said bye to the dogs and left. I just feel so distant from her
No real change this weekend. I was at a motorcycle learning class all weekend. Passed (yay). Was a lot of fun. Don't know what W was doing, but she was barely home. Im assuming she's workin on the condo. Didn't ask, don't really care. Only time I saw her this weekend was getting up the morning, she was there, still sleeping.
Guess I just wanted to bump to the top to see if anyone has anything to say. Words of encourangement always seem to help.
W was a bit mean yesterday. We are out of food, and I've been going grocery shopping 90% of the time. But due to keeping busy (GAL), I haven't gone. She inquired if I was going, and I said maybe. She didn't like that and told me she would go, but after that, "You're on your own".
Great, fine with me. When she got back, she asked for help unloading, to which I did. After I brought them in, I put away almost all of them. She was already eating something at the counter where the rest were at that point, so I left them. She said "so you're only going to put away 1/2 of them?" Now, normally, if she is doing something in the kitchen, she gets annoyed that I "get in her way". That would have been the case, so I left em alone. Seems to be a lose-lose situation as she said "I'll remember that, the next time you need help with them". Well, whenever I go, I never ask for help, I just do it, so not sure where she's going with that lol. Seems she wants to get mad either way. I help, then I'm in her way. I don't, and I'm a b@stard for not helping. meh
I told her, calmly, that I didn't think you liked me in the way in the kitchen, hovering wherever you are when you are eating. She said, "its just annoying that you didn't put them all away." I calmly said, " I certainly don't want to annoy you, sorry if that was the case." And left it at that. I then left to go out, when I got back, I noticed more things had been taken down off of wallls that she originally said she was leaving. Kinda looks like she's spinning more than me!
