Still here and need support

[SH_]

poschan,

As for materials to read or review, I want to recommend that you seek what is relevant to you.

Share with me things that you are struggling with now and I can provide some ideas.
Share with me things that are a part of your list for things that you want to improve based on your self reflections during this ordeal and I can provide some directions.

The things that I would encourage you start with as I think they apply for all LBS are Ted talks by the following,

Guy Winch
Shawn Achor
Brene Brown
Matthieu Ricard

Also study DB/DR

It will take time, but time can be our friend if we study, meditate, practice, fail, learn from the mistakes, serve others, be kind to ourself, forgive ourself, take care of our children like they are the most precious thing on the planet. Because they are.
Keep going when it gets tough. Recognize the small successes as well as the big ones.
And pray. Pray like you have ever prayed before. But be sure that you share gratitude more, then ask for blessings. Blessings come from being thankful and providing service to those who are in more need than ourselves.

My prayers are with you and your family.
Be well today my friend, and may you find, no may you make moments of joy for you and your family this day.

[poschan]

I wish that was the case PL but WAW is fast and furious on the move. D7 seems to be ok with it so far although WAW has not moved out yet and I do get very sad when I think about not seeing d7 everyday. I know, I have to stay in the moment. Thinking about the future in this scenario does me no good.

Phoebe thanks for checking on me reaffirming this new reality with all of the crazy emotions.

SH I'll check out your recommendations and take some time to reply.
I hope everyone is having a good weekend

[SH_]

Your post sounds stronger. You are doing well to stay in the moment. You will begin to find that quality over quantity with d7 will provide strength and joy that you can not understand until you experience it.


I look forward to your thoughts on the Ted Talks.

[poschan]

I'm having a hard time being positive and sometimes find myself being very negative and bitter toward WAW for what she is doing to this family. Does anyone have any suggestions for being more positive and less negative and bitter?
On a side note, I think we need a meetup group or website that focuses on LBS by residential location...

[Phoebe]

Too true on the LBS meetup need. I wish I had any in-person local support. I did join the local Beyond Affairs Network MeetUp, but they only have had one meeting in the last few months, and it was just me, the coordinator, and one other person. There have to be so many of us out there!

Look into SH's suggested viewing. Browne brown's talk is great, and Guy Winch's emotional first aid is good.

My main suggestion for you is to focus on the moment you are in and try not to focus on the bigger picture or the longer term. Try to make that moment a good one. Find a way to start laughing more. Go find something online that is foolish. Heck, watch a few cat videos. Do something silly and fun with your D7.

Positivity starts from inside you and making a conscious choice to shut down those negative thoughts. Recognize negative thoughts as they come to you and then just let them bounce off you and replace them with something better. Have a few positive replacement thoughts already prepared and ready to go. Visualize yourself in a moment that usually triggers you and the mentally practice how you will replace those thoughts.

So, tonight when you have a negative thought coming on or you feel yourself starting to ruminate on a painful subject, maybe choose instead to remember something sweet or funny that your D7 did recently.

Be well , Poschan.

[poschan]

Thank you Phoebe, I appreciate your input and it is helping already to refocus to more positive things. d7 is making me cards and pictures so I won't be sad when she is away. she's taking this better than me...next obstacle is Saturday moving day for WAW. WAW was stressed today about finances and how she's going to cut it with paying for a rental and her half of our home. she made her own bed and she'll have to deal with the reality of her mess. my stress and worries seem to be the strongest in the morning for some reason. By the way, poschan is short for positive change...

[SH_]

I am checking in to see how poschan is doing today.

I hope all is well my friend.

[Phoebe]

Thank you for sharing the derivation of you name, Poschan. I love it.

(((Poschan))) hugs to help you get through moving day

[rich4j]

I'm having a hard time being positive and sometimes find myself being very negative and bitter toward WAW for what she is doing to this family. Does anyone have any suggestions for being more positive and less negative and bitter?
On a side note, I think we need a meetup group or website that focuses on LBS by residential location...

Poschan-just caught up on your sitch and since I have a same age D, I wanted to see how you were handling telling her. I have ready many different stories on telling their children and I have to do this myself shortly.

Being negative & bitter is not abnormal. I would add also hate and anger and resentment to the mix. You should be feeling this and its so normal as your life has been torn up and changed by someone you barely know now.

It seems the WAW/H is always cold and stone hearted when telling their children. I cry just thinking about it and have lost it in front of her before where she used to see me as the man and rock of of the family.

I just ordered Crazy Time Surviving Divorce book too as a good read was recommended by a friend going thru a terrible divorce too.

I agree on the meetup group too! I found a local mens' divorce meetup and although small 3-4 people, I plan on attending to compare notes. We may all have the same profile of the WAW!

Pls take care of yourself!

[poschan]

Good morning all, having a rough few days. don't seem to have much energy and I sorely need it to get work done. have been out with d7 doing some house hunting but it is so overwhelming. trying to decide if I can buyout WAW or have to sell and find a new place. I hate being forced into a corner. d7 says she's ready for a new place so I guess that is good. Originally I wanted to try and stay here for a year or 2 for her stability and sense of normalcy. I just pray for guidance.
rich4j:the conversation with d7 was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. I did tell her it was not my choice and that WAW's choice to move out. As recommended, I watched MWD video on how to present to kids. I was very fearful in the weeks leading up to the talk, but it was not near as bad as I anticipated. I hope this helps.
My next goal will be to get through WAW moving out this weekend.
hugs to all