well been a couple of bad days for me. I am trying, its not like H has done anything personal to me. I haven't seen H since Saturday night. But text conversation with H on Sunday night was a killer... I tried to be polite and simple in my responses but he just kept badgering me. stressed yesterday and today. I have reconnected with a couple of friends that are recovering addicts as well. They are helping me remember that this is ALL about him, not me and also about this Disease that H has. Between this support place and these friends, I might be grounded again.
feeling better about C this afternoon. I need a little advice. I had picked up a straight razor yesterday morning and almost took my own life, my daughter woke up and then my phone rang with a friend just checking in on my. that is my God stepping in. I don't know if I should say anything in C about this or just keep it to myself?
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Yes, you should talk about this in your C session this afternoon. It's very evident that this situation is pushing your patience to the max.
Let me just say this...the best revenge is to live well. He is not worth taking your life over. You have children that need you now more than ever.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I am stressed and maybe depressed. I may not be fully depressed where I can't function, but something is totally wrong if I am thinking or acting this way.
I will bring it up in C. Now i need to find the right words to get this across and not give the impression that I was doing this for his attention. I don't want to give H that power!
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Focus all of your time, effort and energy on being the best TabD and Mom for you and you precious kids.
Definitely mention the straight razor thoughts to your C. In fact, don't just mention it...make it a priority. Also ask your C if there is a crisis line you can call any time of day or night if you get those feelings again. You're worth it!
Cristy
Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
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Well made it thru C with H. I had the craptasic time of telling him about his D-16 is so mad she won't even let H drive her to work. Then I talked about my desire to end it all. H flipped out on me. I don't know how to take that. But I just told H "I'm sorry you are upset" left it at that.
I have to keep positive and stay strong. Reading a LOT on detachment and small things that will help me with H.
C did suggest we may see another C that specializes in addiction. H was not against it but the ball is in his court on that one.
H lied about drinking in C and I made a face and H saw it. I did say o was sorry because even though I know h is drinking all the time H is not ready to admit it. Knowing the addict and the disease this what I had to do. Also I have to remember that he is not himself and he is believing these lies right now
Did let H know that financially there isn't money to get his own place. That is his situation and H has to figure it out without taking money from the household income. I told H that these are the consequences for moving out.
Wow I don't know how well I did on being strong or detaching. As when we were leaving C we chatted while he smoked and then he gave me a hug and kiss. Was I wrong to accept it? I know it isn't part of the detaching but it felt good.
wife of an addict M 39 H 39 D18 D 16 Together 19 M17
Sounds like a lot of discussion took place today. This is good. There were a few things that needed to be brought up and I'm glad it was done during therapy.
I do agree that your h needs to see someone who specializes in addiction. Time will tell if he will follow thru on the suggestion. Why apologize for making a face when you knew your h was lying about the drinking...don't cover up his mess. I'm sure the therapist could tell what was going on and that why the therapist suggested someone who specializes in addiction. Don't enable him.
Well, he now knows that there isn't enough money to go around for him to get a place of his own. If he gets desperate eough, he'll bunk w/a friend and sleep on the couch or on the floor...but that's his problem.
You sound much better this afternoon. If your h initiates the hug and a kiss, if you want to accept these gestures, then do so. Where your wrong to accept? I don't think so, just as long as you keep your expectations dialed down on low and aren't expecting him to be the old h any time soon.
Continue to go to you Al-Anon meetings. You may want to consider IC just for yourself. It would be a safe place for you to talk about your situation and how you are feeling. Joint counseling isn't always the best place for such things, especially if your h is going to flip out on you.
Please take care of yourself.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi TabD, I'm proud of you for talking about your suicidal thoughts in counseling. That took a lot of guts. Good for you. As someone coming up on 29 years of sobriety, please don't give up before the miracle happens. Not to sound too cliche, but seriously that is a permanent solution to an issue which will, in the long run of your time on this planet, be temporary. I'm not minimizing what you're going thru- I have had those thoughts myself. It's not worth it - your family needs you and YOU are worth it, so please hang in there. xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
