Want away wife, having a EA possible PA

[blueboy]

Hi All

First post, been married 17 years, 3 kids 12-10, had ups and down but mostly up, wife told me 3 weeks ago she wanted to leave and had meet someone else but didn't want to have a PA, but maybe this person was someone she wanted a relationship with.

She spoke about separating for a week, we went to MC for support, she changed her mind and said she want to stay and want to move area to a new house for a new start. We had a further session of MC were she spoke about wanting to sort out issues and move on, draw a line under things. This lasted a week and half, than she admitted she had been in contact with OM again on May 10th

Since then she has talk about separating again and wanting space, she goes out and I assume she is seeing OM, she doesn't want anyone to know and doesn't want to tell the children anything! Seem she wants to have here cake and eat it an the moment!

She has told her parents, expecting support, however their reaction has been total disgusted. They can't believe it, they told her she had a lovely life, a perfect husband who treats her like a princess!

They are even more shock that OM is 23 year older than her!

I'm lost, love her so so much, I have start to follow the advice on here regarding detachment etc! Just not sure what to do next as we are still living together, it hard work to keep going any advice would be good!

[lfm]

blueboy

Your situation sounds eerily simmilar to mine. Been married 21 years, with 5 kids. I found out my wife was having an EA about a month and a half ago, and it has since turned into an PA. I too am still living in the same house, my wife doesn't want anyone to know what is going on. She won't tell any of her friends or family and definitely won't say anything to the kids.

The OM in my case is 6 years older than my wife, so not quite as dramatic as your situation. I have found it difficult to detach under these circumstances as well, and find myself getting sucked back in every time she has a moment of clarity and realizes that she should end the PA and work on our R. But then the OM talks his way back in a couple of days later and it starts all over again. I've been burned on this a couple of times now and have really realized that i can't believe anything she says or does right now, she is definitely addicted to her feelings like a powerful drug, and feel like it's never going to end.

My suggestion is follow the advice here as much as you can. Get out and start living for yourself. I've been working out 4 times a week, going to church and starting to get involved with some things at work that I have normally passed on because I felt like I need to get home to help her with the kids. I realize now that is one of the issues from our marriage, that I didn't have a life away from my wife and kids.

I'll definitely keep you in my thoughts, as the moment I found out was absolutely devistating. 6 weeks later, it doesn't hurt as bad, but definitely still having a lot of ups and downs.

There is some great advice here, so please read, get either of the books you'll see referenced and definitely start taking care of yourself.

[blueboy]

Hi lfm

Very similar, I've built my whole life around my wife and children, trying to be the best dad and husband, it's like having your world turn upside down. She has made me focus everything on her and the kids!

We are still sharing the same bed, I'm still paying all the house bills!

She changed her mind for a week and a half and then changed it back!

I know asked her to move out of the bed room and start to pay her own way, the reaction wasn't great!

Keep strong my friend, life will go on with or without out wife's!

It has to end, they can't have there cake and eat it, I found the homework task on Sandi's 37 rules really useful!