Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11
Babe #2782269 03/20/18 03:27 PM
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
2
Member
Offline
Member
2
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 13,511
Likes: 1
definitely go, and make plans for doing things without him IF he is going for work.

More later, but this is a good sign and you want to appreciate his offer.


M: 57 H: 60
M: 35 yrs
S30,D28,D19
H off to Alaska 2006
Recon 7/07- 8/08
*2016*
X = "ALASKA 2.0"
GROUND HOG DAY
I File D 10/16
OW
DIV 2/26/2018
X marries OW 5/2016

= CLOSURE 4 ME
Embrace the Change
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Babe,

Go and have fun. Leave the expectations at home and relax a bit. Be sure to thank him for inviting you on this trip when you return home.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2782417 03/21/18 08:45 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
B
Babe Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
Oui. J'ai compris !!

Thank you so much 25yearsmlc and Job;
I understand the things you're talking about.

Babe #2782422 03/21/18 11:29 PM
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
G
Member
Offline
Member
G
Joined: Nov 2016
Posts: 2,605
Babe,

I’ll give a different point of view. W just asked me to go on a trip with her and I declined. Ask yourself the d b question. Will it make things better or worse? If better, absolutely go. But for me, the extended amount of alone time together I don’t think would be good for me and where we are right now. It just didn’t feel right so I declined. I think she was surprised. I think I even surprised myself.


Gordie 40s W 40s M20+ kids
2016 BD W fantasy affair w OM1 I do everything wrong
2017 I start to DB W says TLTL files for D PA w OM2
2018 I do LRT W drops filing and OM2 situation slowly improving
Gordie #2782497 03/22/18 03:55 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
B
Babe Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
Hi Gordie, I appreciate the idea you shared with me.

Husband is coming out of the tunnel step by step, thank God for his grace ! I have to say the past four years were the most horrible experience I had in my life. I'm the survivor from his crisis (everybody can !)

He might not need my help when stepping out from that crisis, I want to be the light and support when he needs it, husband and I are changed, the way we see things, the way we act/react. 'Growing' I should say, the mistake I made when I entered in marriage life with him was I stopped growing. I want things be still, without any change, which is impossible ! I must say I was hurtful and it was really painful when he was deep in the mist of crisis, the projection, the other women (there were two) the verbal abuse, the deny of our relationship... but I know it was not him, he was bundling with his terrible past.

He asked me for such short trip before he entered into his crisis, I always say 'No'. I was quite selfish, I only do things I like, I love, I enjoying doing. Now I would love to be the 'partner' when he wants to explore new things.

It is 100% ok for you to decline it. You do whatever you like and willing to smile

Babe #2782502 03/22/18 04:21 PM
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 65
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Mar 2018
Posts: 65
Wow Babe just read into your situation. You truly are the epitome of a PATIENT person. I hope that i can find the strength in me to be half the person you have been. Good luck and continue with what you are doing, seems to be working. And by all means go on the vacation and enjoy yourselves!!


M:26 WAW:26
T:11 M:7
D:3
BD 1 10/16
I love you but not in love
BD 2 2/18
I love you but...
W moves out 3/18
Newly20 #2782609 03/23/18 08:11 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
B
Babe Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
Newly20, I learned from this board; three things be remembered - 1) Get a life of your own, like your spouse will never return.. I had problem in swallowing this, but I just have to focus on me, take good care of yourself. 2) Patient, it requires patient, dig deep and don't give up. 3) keep the expectation to zero, even now, I'm reminded by a lot of people here smile

Don't lose heart !!!!!

Babe #2782618 03/24/18 12:17 AM
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
job Offline
Member
Offline
Member
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
Likes: 112
Babe,

Very well said. There is one more point...read the advice, take from the advice what you can apply to your own situation.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2787432 04/29/18 01:12 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
B
Babe Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
Hi everyone, I noticed few things, I don't know they are bad or good... I'm fine, husband comes back during weekend, we do don't see each other during weekdays. Recently, if he doesn't feel like coming, I won't ask him to.

These few months, he complained his job, however he is turning 43 this fall, he doesn't think he could get the job he likes now. I have no option to offer and I don't want to either. All I could do it 'listen' he talks.

Another thing; he cursed his mother few times 'better to die', thus I suspect his mother is the 'authority figure'... Still, I feel his regression a bit these days.

Most of the times, he's been doing much better in every ways. I'm continuing my language class and live my life in a calm and peaceful way.

Babe #2790140 05/14/18 08:38 PM
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
B
Babe Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
B
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 185
Likes: 3
Hello everyone, I'll be leaving for the trip with husband in two days. I'll see what happen during the trip and meantime I will still keep the expectation to zero and enjoy my time in Seoul !

Page 6 of 11 1 2 4 5 6 7 8 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard