It has been 11 months since H stopped pushing/forcing me for divorce, he never mentioned that after this Jan. but he isn't coming home. I don't think the relationship between the OW and him is going on. He texted back and pay the internet service of our apartment. Never yelling at me or verbally abusing.
I'm curious but only God knows at which stages he is now...
He kept his silence so am I, is this right ?
Had a very good trip to Tokyo and will go to French classes to next level next Jan. Still helping the French Priest as volunteer and found raising of a nursing center, I'm very proud I did a good job.
Please don't worry about the stage he's in. The stages are just a guideline and nothing more. Try to remember that those stages are not linear, but they bounce back and forth in them.
Maybe he hasn't mentioned divorce because you've backed off and just left him be. I would continue as you have been, i.e., living your life to the fullest.
If you want to test the waters, you can wish him a Happy Holiday when the holiday gets closer...but nothing more. Treat him as you a friend and if he responds, then fine. However, if he doesn't, well then, chalk it up to something that isn't going to work and continue moving forward.
Keep the focus on you and leave your h in God's hands.
Husband stopped his threatening of divorce last Jan. We had dinner for his Birthday last Sep. After that I seldom contact him, we did not see each other for three months. By end of 2016 we had lunch for our wedding anniversary. Surprisingly, he came home with me, he left home for 18 months and never visited...
Later during my Birthday, he bought me a gift. I then ask him if he wants to drop by, he answered yes. He would come back to our apartment during weekend (we did not have sex) he is much friendly and would spend his weekend with me. I never ask "are you coming home" or "when will you come home", I learned not to pressure him for anything. And I never ask what had happened in past two years.
During week days, if I text him, he would answer.
We had a very old car, I'm not going to spend money to have it repaired, the car was under my name, actually he bought it 13 years ago. He mentioned "we should get a new car" like he is reconnecting with me and things of our life.
What's next ? What should I do particularly ? Or just stay as where I am ?
I did not post much but I miss everyone here and my prayer are with you people.
You are doing all of the right things. I would continue as you have been and continue to listen, validate and affirm and be sure to thank him when he does things for you.
I think you are doing great! Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I was alone at home Sunday evening; husband texted me, he told me his wallet was gone and he is getting a new one, he then send the image of the new wallet to me. It is a leather one with burgundy color... I remained calm and said 「that is cool, get a new one that you really like」
Can this be some kind of 'validation' or affirmation ? I used to stop him if he's purchasing something that I think is ugly... - -"
He's sharing even though it's not much. He wants validation for the things he does. He's like a child who picks up his toys and says "mommy, I picked up my toys". Mommy says "that's a good boy, I'm proud of you".
Babe, you said exactly what you needed to say to him about the wallet.
You've got this!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Two months have just passed, thank God for his grace, things are going smoothly...
Almost every weekend of last two months, husband would come home and spent the weekend with me, I can tell from his action that OW is no longer there. I can feel that he is still changing but toward the right direction. He would smile at me sometimes joking around. I respect him if he wants to be alone by Saturday, we will just have lunch on Sunday. It is amazing that he is trying to 'pick up' the piece of our old life one at the time.
He started to remember the things we had together, those old memories and the places we've been to, the movie/restaurant we loved ...
I kept my mouth shut, never ask what happened last two or three years. He DID NOT apologize or say sorry but he is showing me more and more his feelings and emotions to my family and my friends. He let me hold his hand and hug him (he was cold and would reject if I got closer).
I did ask him if he wants to stay with me during weekdays, he refused and I will not force him, will let him do just what he wants to. I want him to feel safe and receive the warmth from our home.
Anything I should be awarded of or be doing ? I welcome him home no matter he 'apologized' to me or not, I hope he become a happy and mature man.
Now I'm at level three of my French lessons
Me - 43 H - 41 BD - Sep. 2014 H moved out - May 2015 Threatening divorce, no action for 14 months since Dec. 2014 to Jan.2016. His older bother was the golden child of the family, my mother in low is handicapped and had emotional and marital issue. Husband told me he felt 'nothing was alright' ever since my granny passed away five years ago.
Sounds like your h is slowly, very slowly, starting to warm up. I do hope that you are using some type of protection even though the ow may be out of the picture Your h may or may not be out pursuing other female interests during the week and I would hate to see you get that nasty gift that keeps on giving.
Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Job, I see... how will I know it or there's anything I could do to 'test' on that ? Two things I noticed; 1) he haven't asked for his wedding band back 2) he doesn't keep the keys with him of our home, I open the door for him If he is still be interesting in other women, then he is still 'replay' ? I did not check anything, his phone, his bag...
I would not force anything. Take it slow. Proceed with no pressure and no expectations. Have fun. I do suggest not being available every weekend for meeting him. This is not test but is interesting to see if it has any affect on H. There is no fool proof test. Your best bet is your gut instinct.
It is great that you are able to resist checking his phone etc. That is no way to live. If you feel you have to then the R isn't working for you. Spying hasits place IMO when in a R and your gut says it is off. It should only be used to verify a hunch and not to monitor on an on going basis.
IMO it is not possible to reconcile without addressing what has happened.He needs to take responsibility for his actions and demonstrate he wants to make ammends. But that can wait for now, but should not be swept: under the rug.
Do not take him back without making ammends nor without healthy boundaries in place.
I am glad things are improving but thread carefully. The signs are good or at least better but the road is long.
Non courage mon amis etc meilleurs veoux
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
