Life 2.0

[Phoebe]

Interesting. I'm glad that this new understanding of his character has brought with it a lot of understanding about the dynamics of your M and the trajectory that it took. It sounds like you have come s long ways in a very short time and you sound much stronger. I'm glad because I was worried about you!

If lack of empathy is typical of an affair, then that might help explain things a bit for me, because I never would have identified my H as someone with less than normal empathy. His ability to be empathetic was one of the things that drew me to him in the first place.

[Painter]

I knew a lot of this, so I think that's why it's like a cabal where you suddenly lay down all the cards in sequence.
It was just difficult to see it clearly with H there. I knew it was wrong, I just kept blaming myself, I guess. Thinking that if I did something differently, if we talked about it, if we changed something, it would change.

[Painter]

I think it's inherently narcissistic to be in an A. You can't have full empathy for your S and go through with it.

I think the ones who regret it and realize what they did, have a stronger psyche or character than those who stay in their distorted version of events.

H can be very generous and warm if he feels like it. But it's not a consistent trait and not reliable.

[Painter]

Well, well, well... OW has posted since February (before we agreed to S) pictures of her huge engagement ring and got friends to vote on wedding dresses.

[JujuB]

(((Painter)))

I am so sorry. I really am. I imagine seeing this is like pouring salt on the wounds.

The betrayal and lies are just awful and I know there is nothing I can say to make you feel better, but I just want you to know that I understand how truly horrible this is. Your husbands actions are really deplorable. Again, I am so sorry.

[J5K]

Painter,

I am sorry you saw those posts. I don't know what is worse sometimes, seeing FB pics of WAS or not knowing anything they are doing at all.

All I know is that we are better than our WAS as we are able to recognize our faults and accept that we are not perfect while they go out and use others to feed their ego. At times I feel bad for these people because that is not the way to find happiness in life.

I hope you sleep well tonight Painter.

(((Painter)))

[Painter]

At this point, I wouldn't want H back if you paid me $1,000,000. Or more.

I just find it absolutely fascinating that he got engaged to another woman *before we had even agreed to separate*, and she posted about this *while* he was telling me that there was no contact.

But we know now that he lies every single step of the way and only backs down when confronted with evidence. And then he says, 'But I didn't want to hurt you.'

[Zues126]

Painter,

I'd like you to want your H back. I am willing to pay $1,000,000. Let me know,

Z

[Zues126]

Disregard, didn't see your prior post...

[Zues126]

I guess I just don't know what else to say right now.

I do sometimes wonder what life the grieving process is like for those WAS's that have another R lined up before they leave or grieve.

I mean, they are still suffering a huge loss. But they're medicating like crazy. Does the pain still penetrate the medication? Does it hit doubly in a year when the dazzle wears off? Or do they somehow escape the loss altogether because they're doped up enough to make it through?

I don't know why that matters, but I confess I'm curious. I sometimes hope they suffer, but then I think they probably don't as much because a committed M clearly doesn't mean as much so the loss maybe isn't as painful. Then I stop caring because I wouldn't want to be able to get in the mind of a WAS and would rather be soul crushed and single for life than to live like that.

The sad fact is that no matter how much they suffer if and when they do, it won't change the pain you have to endure at their hands. At this point all I care about is you Painter. Thank you for sharing what you're going through so we can be here for you.