Wife Leaving Me- Don't Know What to Do

[chills2]

If I got into a lot of details about my situation this could be really long so I will keep it as short as possible. In September we will have been married 9 years and we have been together for 12. We have 2 children we brought into the marriage and one together. Our major problems started after our son was born. I was laid off and we went through our savings. There has been a lot of financial stress on me since then. At the same time she has been trying to start a business that she wants to do full time but just can't get off the ground. It has taken up a lot of money and I pay the bulk of the expenses and am always stressing about how to make ends meet.

She had a full affair. It was a few months and he moved away. We decided to work on it and stay together but since then she has had other what I would consider emotional affairs and one that did have some physical kissing and touching. With that one she said she loved him and was ready to leave me for him. But he was just a player and we decided to work through it and stay together.

Her main complaints about me are that I don't talk to her, spend time with her, or protect her. I don't make her feel loved. She has had disputes with people and she doesn't think I have had her back. When her father passed away she was in the middle of an emotional affair that was clouding my judgement and she does not feel I was there for her. She says that I change for a while but then go back to my old ways. She is right I have gotten complacent and let life and anger get in the way.

Two weeks we were having a big money issue because we had to pay a bunch of tickets that she rang up when renewing our registration. She also had spent a bunch of money out of the account I didn't know about. I needed to figure out how to pay rent and I was mad at her and stressing out. I did push her away. After a few days she said she wanted a separation and divorce. She said that she was done with our marriage and it was over. She said she has been unhappy for years and couldn't take it anymore. She said she accepts that fact that she was not good enough for me to do what I need to do. I showed her that she was not worth it.

I then heard her talking on the phone to another man. Apparently they have been talking for the year but got serious recently. I checked the phone records and they text hundreds of times a day and talk for hours. He lives across the country but they met through business. She is talking about how he is her priority and acts completely different with him then me. She talks to him about being with him and moving on with him.

We are in a lease so we have to stay in our house until October. She said after that she will be moving across the country. She wants us to work out something with our son and be cordial and respectful of each other. It has been extremely hard. There has been a lot of crying. I am an emotional wreck. I feel like I am constantly being punched in the chest and out of breath. I love her with all my heart and the times when I thought maybe would be better without her don't seem real anymore. It is destroying me what this will do to our family. Neither one of us is willing to give up our son but she is moving away to a place that he is not familiar with and where she has no support system. I can't see it being anything else but a battle.

I haven't said anything to her about eavesdropping and hearing that she is in a relationship with someone else. I wanted to do it tomorrow to let her know. I also wanted to text him and let him know that if I ever see him it will be a problem and I will never let him around my son. I want to tell her that my son will stay with me and I will send him to her on the school breaks with a No Contact order in place for the other man.

Most of all I want my family and I want my wife back.

My son's birthday is coming up and she wants us to go to an amusement park. I am trying to see if I can scrape together the money since this is before payday and if I can't we may not be able to go.

Also if I tell her I know she is actually in a new relationship I don't know what will happen.

As you can see I am lost and confused.

[MrBond]

Sorry that you find yourself here. You won't find a better group of individuals who will help you through this.

Were both of you previously married? If so, what happened in her first M?

You're not the reason for her A. That's her choice. In terms of her complaints about you, which ones were true?

[Cristy]

Hello chills2,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

Can she really take your son/children across the country? What are you doing to protect your assets and your children right now?

You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

[chills2]

Sorry that you find yourself here. You won't find a better group of individuals who will help you through this.

Were both of you previously married? If so, what happened in her first M?

You're not the reason for her A. That's her choice. In terms of her complaints about you, which ones were true?

She was married before. She didn't want to marry him but felt pressured when she was pregnant. He abused her and she left him. I was not married but had a child. Our girls were both 3 years old when we got together.

I did get complacent and I was not consistent. In the past when she would have conflict with other people I was not always aggressive to defend her. She complained that I did not talk to her or touch her enough. All of this is true, but not my intention at all. I feel like I failed and hopeless because I have no way to change what I have done.

[chills2]

Hello chills2,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

Can she really take your son/children across the country? What are you doing to protect your assets and your children right now?

You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004

In my state she cannot just take our child across the country. We will have to come up with an agreement or fight in court. If we go to court she will try to argue that she is the primary caregiver and needs to move for a better life. I will argue I am just as much of a caregiver and the best interest of our child is for his life to remain as stable as possible and that means staying in the only place he has ever known with the people that he loves.

[LiM]

I'm so sorry Chills. I know how much this hurts.
Your W has plenty of issues and she's got to figure that out for herself. Right now you need to focus on you. Detach, 180 and GAL. You've got your own issues to work on.
I get the sense from your description that she wants and needs a MAN. She needs someone to step up to the plate and be her protector and provider. I'm not trying to be mean or hurtful. I'm just responding based on what you wrote. I think its time for you to step up and be a strong, confident man. Someone she respects because clearly, she has no respect for you.
Personally, I think you need to dump her. Not because you want your M to be over but because thats what you need to do to SAVE your M. She doesnt value you as a MAN. You need to show her that you are one. I would call her out on her A and even kick her out of the house. I wouldnt tolerate this behavior. I didnt when I discovered my W was having an A. After I discovered my W was having an A, I took a week to decide what to do and what I wanted. Fortunately, I found the place and accepted all the help and advice it had to offer. I confronted my W and kicked her out. I fought for my M the entire time even when she didnt see it. I filed for D when I discovered the A was still going on 3 months later. Things changed for me after that. In those 3 months, I continued to work on all my issues and I've become a completely different person from who I've always been. And my W has seen those changes. She now respects me and appreciates all the things I did to fight for us, when she didnt deserve it and when she didnt even know I was doing it.
If you dont have the book, get it and read it. You need to go dark and deploy the LRT. Start working on your issues. Emotionally dump her and start figuring out what your life looks like without her. THIS is how you save your M.
There will be a lot of pain. You are devastated and no one should be treated this way. Its time for you to grow a pair and become a man that she will respect. Become the man that only a fool would leave.