Honey, he needs to see a psychiatrist. His paranoia is beyond what one might expect from a "normal" MLCer. And one of his comments could actually be taken as a little threatening.
Is he on any medications? Is there any history of mental illness in his family? Anybody who has to get B12 shots (B12 deficiency can cause paranoia)? Any history of concussions or participating in sports that can cause CTE (chronic traumatic encephalopathy, like the football players get)? Any history of Alzheimer's, fronto-temporal dementia, Huntington's disease, Parkinson's disease, or any other neurological disorder in the family? Thyroid problems or celiac disease?
Does he have a relationship with a primary care doctor? If so, you can contact them and relay your concerns about his behavior. They can't tell you anythinjg about your H due to privacy laws, but they can read a letter if you send it.
If you're still largely dependent on his income, you need to develop a plan to increase your own and pay down any debts, as I'm not sure you can count on him to be able to provide in a couple of years.
Thanks Job and KML - only had a quick second. So a quick post. Wanted to update that I just received a text from him saying that we should do something with the boys Saturday night. And he asks if I have any ideas.
Just crazy. Plain and simple crazy.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi HW. I am following and don't know what to say as I have never dealt with this before. It's getting a little scary. I love Jobs advice to get your own separate account, really good idea and one less thing to bother you about.
I assume your H works? At home or away? Any word or concerns from his co-workers about his behavior? Just wondering if anyone sees this or if it's only directed at you.
Please be careful and sending you hugs.
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
HaWho, I've been around here a long time and this is not what I would describe as normal MLC behavior from what I've read on other people's threads.
The statement he made about,"This creates an environment where I can overreact. Please get yourself in check." is very concerning. I agree with KML ... it's bordering on a threat. I'd be very concerned about what "overreact" means, especially if he has access to a gun. But you know your H much better than we do. It just doesn't sound right to an outsider looking in. From here it looks like he is not stable ... even if you consider the MLC point of view. I haven't seen many sitchs that included the kind of paranoia he is displaying. Maybe the vets have??
Please, please, please protect yourself and those boys.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
i could be completely off base but i didnt read the bought chicken as being PA, more that he's nuts, paranoid, wants to feel part of, and so this was what he came up with. just my $.02 and not worth much more than that xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
Thank you everyone. My ears are open. H has never showed even a pinch of violent tendencies. He doesn't even raise his voice. He has, however, always been very brave behind that computer screen and with pen and paper.
The day was made even more interesting by the fact that my MIL ambushed me. Last year this time I mentioned to her that h was in a funk and seemed angry and irritable. After that conversation, a few days later, I called her and left a voicemail asking her to call me back. I wanted to apologize for worrying her. Well, silly me. Because she never once called me back. I called her 3 or so more times over the next 3 weeks. It always went to voicemail and she never called me back. And she never answered my 2 or three texts either. And I had the silly notion that we were friends.
Then several months later, she texted me every 3 weeks (3 times) and asked how I was and how the boys were. I said fine. And that was that. I think she left voicemails on the boys' birthdays, maybe they were texts?!? But other than that, she fell off the planet. Not once has she picked up the phone to call me in 1 year.
Today she face timed S12. I was upstairs and he passed me the phone to talk with her. It was awkward, to say the least. She is such a coward to call on video with other people around. She needs it nice and safe so I can't have a real conversation with her. She starts by telling me how much she misses the boys. This is the first time she has called them in 1 year. She asks about everyone under the sun, including a nephew I have, who she has never even laid eyes on. Guess who she did not ask about? Her own son. Not one single question. And even though he was home she never asked to talk with him. She knows her part in this mess and she is keeping her distance from it all.
Imagine knowing your child is going through something and completely ignoring him. Just imagine. It made me go right over to my kids and hug them boa constrictor style. And yes, it made me feel sorry for my h. She asked to talk to everyone but him. She even spoke with one of s10's friends who was over--a boy she has never met. Awful.
We ended the conversation fairly quickly. My whole stomach was in knots afterwards. I will never do that again. If she wants to talk to me, she can call me privately, like a big girl should. Next time she tries that stunt, I will say I am just heading out and ask her to give me a call on my phone. And I will never hear a peep from her.
At dinner, h is somewhat chatty. He announces that his cell phone screen cracked. He puts the precious phone in the middle of the table, screen up and leaves it there for the whole meal. Just sitting quietly and watching those actions. Then he starts talking about our Christmas plans. He asks the boys their ideas and I just listen. Then he turns to me and for the first time in a long time he looks me in the eye and asks what I think. There is fatigue and a sorrow in his eyes.
Today, he sure was all over the map.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Hi HaWho, I agree that was a really concerning message from your H. I wonder if it is worth calmly discussing that message with him to try and settle his fears. He actually feels that a family member is trying to cause him harm from what he says.
IDK, but it does sound as though it would be worth confiding in a trusted person if you don't feel able to discuss it yourself with him. I have read quite a bit about MLC - but not about so much paranoia and that concerns me.
Do take care as others have said - safety first xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
HaWho, I'm sorry about the MIL situation. She's afraid to hear and face the fact that her son is having issues. I find it very interesting that she's calling at this time, but who knows, maybe she's heard something along the way.
We've had some "extreme" cases of MLC on the Forum over the years. The comment, which could be construed as a veiled threat is a way for him to control things. I can recall that my xh said similar things to me and he was quite the bull in the china closet when he came to collect his plastic Easter Egg. He was clinching his fists, snorting like a bull, pacing back and forth and had a very angry look about him. When they get very annoyed or angry about something or someone, the lose control over those emotions and fear that their safe little world is being rocked. They are so emotionally charged that they truly can't control those emotions...but that doesn't mean you ignore those threats and even the veiled ones. I would seriously think about documenting what he says and does and keep those messages he sends you.
As you witnessed last evening, he was back to being quite different, i.e., discussing the future.
I am hoping and praying that your h will settle down so that you and your family can have a nice, peaceful holiday weekend. However, if he gets completely out of control and is spewing threats towards you, leave the house and/or call the police. Guns in the home are nothing to sneeze at.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
