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Thanks forward. I appreciate the response.

Just wanted to update. It has been a while.

My promotion at work has happened. I like the new position. I have a lot more responsibility, but I like it. I seem to do better with more stress and higher pressure at work. It is good.

With the promotion, I still see my "lady friend" but not as much. We still talk a lot. I think maybe she might be coming around to letting me take her to lunch. We shall see. I think she is a little "gun shy" because she knows my story and her last relationship ended badly. I'll keep you posted.

I still am struggling...REALLY struggling to get out of the house.....just no motivation. Last weekend, I spent the entire weekend at home, in my room. A few weeks ago, I did manage to get to the Phoenix Zoo. I didn't stay long, but it was nice to get out and see all of the wonderful animals. I got to hand-feed some stingrays. It was amzing. smile

I've turned into the exact opposite of who I was: a fairly well-known recognized local celebrity who was everywhere to someone who can barely manage to leave the house. This weekend, I went to the mall and went bowling with my oldest. So...atleast I got out.

Speaking of my oldest, he is still not speaking to XW. And...she is not speaking to him. He plans to get married in September and has asked me to be his best man.

As for XW, she sent our sons a Merry Christmas text two days late and a Happy New Year text two days late. But here's the kicker: Three weeks ago, (around the first of February) she stopped by and delivered twelve yes TWELVE dozen homemade Christmas cookies, one loaf of banana bread and.........FOUR CANDY CANES. I guess they really do operate on their own time. Funny stuff!

For me: I'm changed. Not the person I was at all. This whole experience changed me in more ways than I can put into words. The biggest change: my love for animals and the compassion I have for them. Totally strange. It's not a bad quality at all, but it is so different from who I was. I grew up in a family of hunters and fishermen. I used to do it myself and I feel absolutely terrible for all of the hunting and fishing I did when I was growing up. My boys have even noticed it. This sounds pretty pathetic to me, but I won't even litter anymore....not to protect the planet or anything like that but because it isn't good for the animals. When it rains, I worry about the birds and the rodents and hope that they are staying warm. I know....sad isn't it?

My sons and I have decided to get our own places this Summer. I'm excited, but scared at the same time. I'm scared because I won't be with them but also because I've never been on my own. I went from high school to marriage and have never lived by myself. It will be nice though to get my own place and to be able to decorate the way that I want. I just hope I can swing it all financially. I used to have a 155 gallon fish tank. I lost it in the divorce. My first purchase when I get my own place is to get another smaller one. smile

Anyways, that is all for now. Hope you are all well.

For the noobies: It does get better. It just takes time. Hang in there.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 602
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Hi Tad, just a few thoughts about you. I can understand you being afraid of living alone. I also have never lived alone, which brings me to the question why you would like to live without your sons being present? I understand that you would like more space etc. But from my POV i'm glad that I have my youngest D still living with me. One D moved out late 08 & the other in late 14. Unless I do the chasing I don't get to see or hear from them too much! It's Different if they have problems though!

Tell me, if your lady friend asked you to go out somewhere would you jump at the chance?

Regarding you actually being sick from seeing dead animal's or from seeing them being treated badly. I believe you might need help regarding this issue.

Love

Delboy

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Thanks Delboy.

Quote:
I also have never lived alone, which brings me to the question why you would like to live without your sons being present?


Well, there is me and three of them living here. We are crammed into a tiny apartment and to be honest, there is just no room. We don't even have a dining room table because one of them sleeps where the table would be. Also, they want their space too. I think the main reason is: I just want to get on with my life. I kind of feel stuck or trapped at the moment. I want to be "normal" again. Our living situation is far from normal. All of us work very odd/strange hours. With all of our weird working hours, I'm rarely able to enjoy my living room or kitchen because someone is almost always sleeping. Plus, I live a pretty large distance from my work. I'd like to be closer. They all live within 2 miles of their jobs. I live about 45-50 miles from mine.

Quote:
Tell me, if your lady friend asked you to go out somewhere would you jump at the chance?


Sure. I'd love to go out with her. Right now, we are just friends.

Quote:
Regarding you actually being sick from seeing dead animal's or from seeing them being treated badly. I believe you might need help regarding this issue.


You're probably right. I just have a lot of compassion for them, but it does seem a little extreme.

Thanks for the response.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Nov 2004
Posts: 602
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Hi Tad, my quote: Tell me, if your lady friend asked you to go out somewhere would you jump at the chance?

Your reply: Sure. I'd love to go out with her. Right now, we are just friends.

The reason I asked this question was to find out why you don't like going out much on your own. And I think you've answered it, it's like you can't quite seem to enjoy life on your own somehow, is this correct?

If your mindset was perhaps to change then you'll give out more positive vibes, which in turn will attract more positive responses back to you. Do you get that?

I would like to share something now, my ex's first known diary. She received it for Christmas 1975, I didn't get to see it till after we were married (Apr 81) So I first saw it soon after this and I last saw it in the late 90's (She destroyed it around this time cos I took her up on her comments).

Well she started out well but only filled in entries for the first 2 weeks of Jan 76. My take on it was she was very bored and I wasn't very big in her life then, also she didn't seem to have any hobbies, but I know she was a good drawing artist. All she seemed to do was go and visit her best friend in her village.

In Jan 77 she began to fill that same diary in again starting the last 2 weeks of that month just altering the date's cos they were one day out of course! Well you couldn't believe the difference, it was like she was now a different person, why? well to me it looks like she got what she was perhaps looking for, Delboy & his family. She was now living at our house for about 4 days a week. I would see her at her house about 2 nites a week also. She could catch her works bus from our Avenue. So she must have thought she got it made.

Just before I met her she & her mate & others had a week in the Isle of Man, the TT races. She said she also visited the Laxey wheel, which also had a wishing well, she tossed in a coin to the fairies wishing for a boyfriend. And look who turned up!


Love

Delboy

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Hi Delboy. Very interesting. You may be correct about enjoying life on my own. Although...it is getting better.

Everyone:

It's been a while. Just a quick update.

I'm ok.

I've been busy getting ready to move into my very own place. I get my keys on the 24th. I will post a new thread once I get settled. I just didn't want to "disappear."

smile

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Jan 2000
Posts: 28,295
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Tad,

I'm excited for you! Once you get settled in, you will enjoy having your own space. Congratulations! This is a huge step for you!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Tad,

Very happy for you and sending you best wishes. It is exciting to be able to create a space that will be totally Tad.


M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou



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Thanks Job and Gwen.

It will be nice to have my own place, but at the same time, I'm scared to death.

As I said, I will post a brand new thread once I get in and settled.

Oh yeah, I'm going to be a Grandpa. More on that later too. smile

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,326
Likes: 20
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Hi everyone. Just a quick update on me. I know I don't get many responses anymore because most who have followed my story from the beginning have moved on and don't really post much anymore. I've been at this for 5 1/2 years....and hope to move on soon too.

I'm in my new place.....just me.

To be honest, I hated it at first. It is the first time I've EVER lived by myself.

Now that things have settled down, I'm starting to enjoy it except for the fact that money is really, really tight. And, I do get pretty lonely sometimes...very lonely.

I have noticed though, that I've had a few bad days recently. It seems like now that I'm on my own, I seem to think about XW a little more and even MISS her and the times that we had. It all seems like so long ago...a different lifetime entirely. It's like a movie that I starred in many years ago that nobody watches anymore. So many memories and good times all locked in the farthest reaches of my mind that like to peak out from time to time whether I want them to or not. They are there and I'm afraid they always will be. I look back and sometimes it is hard to believe that that was my life. Our life. And, it's gone. She'll never, ever be a part of my life again and I'll never be a part of hers. She is a different person and has a different life now. It is sad to think of it like that, but it is what it is. She has erased me, but I can't seem to erase her. I don't like it. I don't like it at all. Hopefully, that will fade with time. I hope so.

A friend at work gave a really nice camera to me. Hopefully, in a few weeks, after I learn how to use it, I'm going to get out play around with it and take some animal pictures. Maybe they'll be good enough to post on FB. smile

My lady friend at work is still just that...a friend. We do have a pretty cool friendship. I am not dating and am not really looking for anyone to date. My sons have recently stated that I need to get out and meet someone but....I'm not really interested. If it happens, it happens.

There was a poster on here a few years back that went by the name of Seekinganswers. (I think.) Does anyone know whatever happened to her?

That is all for now. I hope to start a brand new thread soon.

Thanks for reading.

Tad


Currently:
M 56 XW 57
Sons 38,33,31,29

The Sitch:
Married 26 years
EA w/ OM 9/10
Bomb 10/10 (5 weeks after 25th anniversary)
Sep 12/10
She wants D 1/11
W files 5/11
D final 10/11
XW marries OM 6/13
Joined: Nov 2009
Posts: 13,533
Likes: 78
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Originally Posted By: tadpole1025
There was a poster on here a few years back that went by the name of Seekinganswers. (I think.)
Does anyone know whatever happened to her?

The last I heard which is a few years ago,
she had a stroke and was in the hospital.
Then when she came home so did her husband.
Not sure if it was out of guilt or what.
That is all I know right now.


Me-70, D37,S36
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