thx coconut. Its been a hard journey, but even as i let her go, i think i'm still pushing her away. I think there's a fine line between the two really. Not sure which side i'm on usually.
But what i am (not) doing is initiating contact when she's not in my space. I just can't help but to communicate when she is, i'm facing my tiger but think i'm toying with it instead of staring it down.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
i think that i post too much. i know that i think too much. WW said that i'm too analytical, girls don't like that. I never said anything, just nodded.
As i lay here peaceful and putting my S to sleep, I played "that's how she knows, you love her" from the disney "enchanted" movie and realise that I never really showed her that I loved her in the way that she wanted to be loved. She also never showed me love in the way that i wanted too.
That makes me sad, that its 10 years of total miscommunication. I'm not crying for my M or my WW, but for myself. There is no way that this could have ended any differently, besides me becoming wayward. Sometimes things just happen, call it Karma, Serendipity, Life. It just happens. How you deal with it is really the show of character.
I miss my W, I miss my M, I miss my family. I know that the missing will pass, but for now, I will feel it. I need to be this strong when she's around, i do.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
my S is saying "that he hates family". i ask him why? he says "cos mom is gone, we're not family". I took down the family pics and he brought it up too, never thought he'd be hurt. Going to put them back up with him quickly. I'm sad, gonna continue to wallow.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
I'm very sorry that your son is upset. The thing I dread most about my marriage woes is that my sons have to suffer for something that isn't their fault.
Be a good dad, I'm sure you are, and your son will be alright.
I know that we will all be alright, it just stings in the moment, like losing a limb; you won't recognise yourself if you grew it back.
My parents divorced when i was 7 and i never noticed until i was like 9, and then it was only because my father was never there when he promised.
My tummy is a little anxious as the WW is still not home and its 11pm already. I need this though, I need to feel it. Am done with feeling down tho. Won't fight that feeling. Am going out tomorrow night all alone but only after I say sleep time prays with my son and WW. For what its worth, i've got to have him feel he's got a family for as long as possible.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
Just had a thought... If we push our WS away with our actions, then they are free to do what they want because they are simply "breaking free" from our control. If we do not push them away then they are forced to control themselves.
Why is this thing so counter-intuitive. Rebellion, stubbornness and selfishness always is.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
So, WW came in at 1-45. Still have no choice to trust that she's not cheated, she is on her menzies and her demeanor has not changed. But what does it matter anyhows.
I realised that I could not sleep because I was hungry, the longer i stay awake, the hungrier i get. So by 12:30 I ate quite a bit, and was asleep by 1am, only to be awoken by her. I made a decision that this is not the life i want to lead, even if she's just hanging out. All that i'm doing is giving her rope to hang me with. I refuse to exist like this.
Anyhows, she comes in, says that she's going to sign for the car today, because when i went to fetch our S at creche, she was crying and realised that she only had me in her life, no-one else. She's decided that she's not going to lose me and we're going to stay married FOREVER (i cringed). She said that if we can keep on going out by ourselves with our own friends then she will be happy. As long as we tell each other where we're going and who we're going with.
SHE BAT CRAZY. I think that by the end of this, i'm going to be a WAS, i really think that that's where i'm headed. She is killing all attraction that I had for her.
And i need to add one more thing to my daily goals, REMAIN MYSTERIOUS. My mother always says that the one hand must not know what the other is doing. Why are our mothers so wise!
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
