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HaWho Offline OP
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And then just received a text from h stating he following: FYI I will be making my own dinners going forward.

What is this Job? He wants attention? A fight? To tell me he wants nothing to do with me?

What a stupid, stupid man.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Quote:
Aw well, something funnier may just come along . . .
Reminds me of the lawyer joke (hi Wet) where he stands in the boat on the lake and dares God to hit him with lightning.

Be careful what you wish for. You might get it when it is something so easy and possibly entertaining smile

I was thinking about you HW. That's why I popped on. I don't read the boards much these days, but recently had a conversation with a friend who seems to be in a place in his life where his past is catching up. He was not a faithful man with his wife and it's been interesting to hear the why. To here about how he hated himself for it but talked himself into it. What reminded me of your situation is the powerful way our brains try to protect themselves. To the insider, it seems totally logical and the way of things. To the outsider it is ludicrous. But the point is that the internal "story" we tell ourselves is a powerful one and one that gets used to "protect" the teller.
From what? Who knows?

I wonder if that's what you're seeing - your H telling himself a story that breaks with the reality you know?

At some point, we all hope they "wake up" and some do. Some never remember the crazies - more protection from themselves. I wonder if yours will?

In the meantime, the plants and potato chips are certainly amusing. But as for your question above - it's not that he's stupid - he's obviously protecting himself from "something" internal. The "messages" he's trying to convey? May as well be speaking his own language because I doubt anyone else can understand without the rest of the story. Not even him.

Something to think about. And I wouldn't worry about the message until he gets a grow light and dred locks.. smile

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Not Job, but my impression is that it's an attempt to push you away. It seems like he wants to prove to himself (and show you) that he doesn't need you to take care of him. He can make his own decisions and take care of himself without you. He can buy cars, take vacations, cook his own meals, redecorate his dorm, etc and he doesn't need permission from "Mom" to do what he wants. It looks like rebellion to me ... teenage rebellion.

And yeah, it's stupid, but I think it's pretty normal in MLC land.

I'd give him all the room he's demanding and let him spin in the breeze, but that's me and you have family coming in. I haven't walked in your shoes and I sure haven't had to deal with a MLCer with children in the house but my thoughts are with you. Stay strong.


Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown
M: 19
T: 23
BD: 9-23-2013
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Originally Posted By: HaWho
And then just received a text from h stating he following: FYI I will be making my own dinners going forward.

What is this Job? He wants attention? A fight? To tell me he wants nothing to do with me?

What a stupid, stupid man.


"Oh okay, that's fine as long as you clean up the pots/pans and dishes you use for your own dinner. Just to be clear I am not going to clean up after you. Enjoy."

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Hi AJ - nice to hear from you. I can't say what story my h tells himself. I must say, outside of a few edits I would like to make, for the most part, I have a clear conscience with my own autobiography. And that feels pretty good.

2X2Many - yes, I see the pattern you lay out and it makes sense. I guess he is rebelling hard core. I assume he is very mad that I called him out on his behavior and on the spending.

Wonka - you are right. I will make sure he receives that memo. It's going to be such a battle. I think he very well may throw all the pots and pans away. What a h€llcat he is these days. He has so much anger. It's incredible. He seems to be unraveling.

This time next week I will be on a plane to NYC. How sad is it that being in mobs of people, surrounded by angry New Yorkers, tons of noise and traffic is going to be more relaxing than this lunacy.

I am trying to stay away from him but he keeps sticking that target onto my forehead.

Thanks everyone for all the support.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Posts: 1,597
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And here's the end to this banner day. He called a locksmith and had a lock (that requires a key) put on the dorm room. Wonder if he'll lock it each time he leaves the room? Even if he just goes to the kitchen for water?

He has really lost his mind.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
Joined: Oct 2014
Posts: 5,301
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Well, he's full steam ahead just now.....that's for sure!

Take care HaWho xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Him preparing his own meals will surely looks absolutely normal to the kids. They will not be puzzled by that at all are they? Does he not think AT ALL???


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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Woke up this morning and I just can't believe he got a locksmith and put a keyed lock on his dorm room room. He just went into the shower, which is outside the door, and he locked the dorm room door. Guess he'll be carrying those keys around like a custodian now?

Oh my, he has really gone off the deep, deep end.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
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I am following and can't believe it either. My H put a piece of paper on his door to see if I was going in....but a lock!? Maybe it's more about your family then you? He may not want anyone going in there, there surely must be shame and embarrassment going on with him.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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