Now or .....?

[pinn]

I am with you otw. Being ready for that answer is the key question. I am more than ready myself. Good luck

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

I am going to answer you on here as my thread is needing a new one.

I get it too. I have some time to give it as so much is changing right now.

You want a normal relationship, you deserve a normal relation ship.

You have done the work and now you want the reward.

You want the answer so that you can have the life you want right now. You don't want to move on unless you are divorced, and you are not right now. YOu don't want to consider looking at other woman until you are divorced.

You see no benefit to how the separation is right now, and it unbalanced. When you have the kids W tags along but when she has the kids she does not invite you.

Maybe that is what you are wanting or need to talk about. Balance. How you would like to see more sharing of time with the kids including when W has the kids. You would like to see initiative from W to invite you a couple of times. Is that what is happening?

[otw]

you have it pretty much nailed Vise except backwards.

When she has the kids she is willing to do things, but when i have them and she has free time she can't be bothered.

And yes some initiative from her would go a long way

[Jb9140]

I may have already asked this, but do you have to be separated for a year in Virginia to file for divorce?

[otw]

yes, the word divorce has never been said by her

[vise82]

Hey OTW,

Ok I get it, that would make more sense if she is just thinking of herself. When she has the kids she can get help from you, your available, you help out.

When you have the kids she is free and has no interest in giving up that free time to spend time with you and the kids.

What can you do to change that dynamic?

I see how it would normally work, you meet a girl and you like her so you ask to spend more time with her, she agrees and there is an understanding that you are both working toward the same thing , to spend more time together. W your W you cant ask her because that is against DBing rules, so you live in limbo not knowing where you stand with here.

You don't like the co parenting R as it is right now , you want more. How you get there? Your thinking to just simply ask her? Yes or no then move on if no? I don't think you are really worried about loosing her as with the kids she will always be there. I think you are looking to move on and this is your way of telling her. Giving her the one last chance?

[otw]

Vise
that is pretty much it. Not really a last chance for her but just for myself. I pulled away for a while and we were drawn back together through events and we had fun together and got a long well. We have done things together as a family a lot and even once just her and I.

I have to admit, if we didn't have all of this happen I may be in a better mental place because the ray of hope may have not come back around.

I think this is for me to either be happy there is hope or just let go completely.


So i am battling two things here. Am i rushing? Or should i just let it go and stop trying?

[vise82]

Hey because its not me, maybe I can see more clearly,

I think you know the answer to the question you want to ask, she is going to say no to a R. She wants a co parenting R with you.

I think you need to just live your life and let it go. Easier for me to say to you then do myself.

If she wants to be with you she would be with you. But are you looking for the divorce first before you really move on? Do you think she is? I doubt it, maybe.

Have you thought about filing for divorce? Nothing says dropping the rope more than that. Look at your W actions, has anything indicated to you that she wants to start a romantic R with you at this point?

[otw]

Vise
Thats just it. I have been getting signs that she is possibly interested. This is the reason we are here right now.
W is definitely the type to not admit she was wrong. So if I am getting these feelings from interactions etc then I think it would be on me.




All that said. We just had a phone call. I through it out there. I stated I wanted to know if she had any interest in letting me take her out this weekend. Her response seemed a little shocked. She asked do you mean like out to dinner. I said yes. She quickly responded she would think about it but she has recitals for some of the dance classes this weekend.

I didn't really want a cliff hanger type of answer because of recitals. If it was a no then I would like to know that.

So I continued to explain how I got to this point and if I have been misreading things then I guess I would rather know. I also explained that I know she has a lot going on right now but it is something that I need to know.


So it ended with her seeming really shocked. She said she needs to process it all. In my eyes that is not a good sign. It is just showing that I was reading something much more than was actually there.

But who knows. I am going to think positive thoughts and see what happens.

[Ralph88]

If you want to think positive thoughts, do so. I never ask my WW because I don't want to hear no, and since she was the one that caused the demise, she could ask me. She did once, but was with kids and I felt she was cake eating and buttering me up as a friend. No thanks.