Working on detachment, my anxiety, and the joys of limbo

[Phoebe]

I'll skip the summary this time, but each of the last threads has a summary, and all the links are on the first post of my older thread.

Older thread:

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2672335#Post2672335

So, I'm still here. No surprises there, and I don't expect to be going anywhere anytime soon.
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This was my last post, just to give this new thread a little something to start with:

Hey Painter. I'm sure there are plenty of things that I could be doing. I just have to get out and DO them. Tonight is my first BAN meeting, so that's something. I still have a lot of trepidation about it, because I have no idea what to expect.

I'm really disappointed about the DivorceCare availability locally. Yesterday morning I searched the website for a group nearby (I've been looking every few days), and a new group within 50 miles finally showed up. It was supposed to start on 6/26, and I got all excited! Yeah - a new social thing I could do that was geared toward others like me. I didn't note which church it was at, only the city, because, who'd think I needed that info right away when it starts in June? Well..... I reloaded the page to see if there were any more options, and the 6/26 series was GONE!!! Huh? Now the next one that's starting isn't until September, in a different city and church. well, bummer.

A couple nights ago I signed up as a volunteer for Habitat for Humanity because that kind of work is right up my alley. I was getting excited to put some of my skills to work for a good cause, but there are no builds scheduled in the area in the next few months. All registered, and nowhere to swing a hammer. I have plenty of such things I could be doing on my own place, but that's not exactly the social experience I was looking for.

So, still working on the GAL thing. Hands shaking like mad this morning, reminding me how ridiculous I would be trying to wield tools of my real trade. Fine motor skills are an issue, even writing. Grrrr. I had hoped the beta-blockers would help, but the one day I seemed better after increasing the dose must have been a coincidence.

I was feeling a bit sad again this morning, but I just let myself feel it and it passed in about half an hour. That technique is definitely helping me. I still need to work on my grief homework, as I see my counselor on Friday. The only one I hurt if I slack off is myself.

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Since I wrote that I went out and did some walking and some birdwatching. I was by myself, but I love being outside and the birds are in breeding mode, so they're all showing off. Birding this time of year is great because the leaves still aren't out yet.

Hoping the meeting tonight is OK, and that everyone is having a positive kind of day.

[Phoebe]

I forgot to mention that the DivorceCare that starts in September is 91 miles away, so kind of a nonstarter. I hope something a whole lot closer shows up soon.

[Painter]

I just made a few calls about DivorceCare around here and it seems you can jump in as long as there's a few sessions left. There's one that has 3 left nearby, starting tonight, so I hope to go there to check it out. Then they start again in September, so it seems this is common.

[Painter]

I must have missed what you wrote about BAN - what is that?

I'm sorry the betablockers didn't resolve the hand shaking. But a good day gives hope for future improvement, right? (((hugs)))

I still think you should go to a local animal shelter and pet some cats and dogs... It's so soothing and healing to bury your face in warm fur.

[Phoebe]

It's the Beyond Affairs Network. It's a group made up of the non-cheating spouses. I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm eager to give it a shot. The only problem is I am the only person that RSVPed to the MeetUp, so it might be just me and the local group's founder. That would be awkward. Yikes.

I know that I could go to any DC meeting, even if it's been ongoing, but I really am searching for the social contact that comes with seeing the same faces every week. Plus, the earlier subjects are just more applicable to me. Dealing with anger, etc..., rather than the later stuff like reconciliation. Who knows if that one will ever even apply?

My parents have dogs, and I have my own cats, so I get lots of furry critter time in. Really!! I also have a bunch of chickens, and they're all kinds of fun. Feathers feel good, too.

[SH_]

Pop in to say hi Phoebe and let you know I am doing well. I appreciate you checking in with me and your kind words.

Pencil smiles on and we will both have a good day because we are going to decide to have a good day!

[Sotto]

Go for it Phoebe! If nothing else, it will be a drink out with someone who has also been though a difficult time. And who knows, one or two others may turn up too. It's a good way to meet other local people I think as often strong bonds can be built from support groups like these.

Good luck!!

[Cherry]

I agree the BAN meet up would be good. This site is like therapy for me. Talking to people that understand and don't go straight into "oh just leave him" because as you guys know it isn't that simple. If a zombie apocalypse happens, I'm there on your team. Especially if those zombies are cheats! I have enough shoes to hand around.

[SH_]

Good evening Phoebe. I hope you have had a great day and shared many pencil smiles.

How did your meeting go. I hope that it went well and can be another source of support for you.

I wish that I lived in an area like you where you can get out in nature. It sounds so nice every time you share your adventures. This big smoggy city here is depressing some days, when trying to get outside. I'm gonna have to plan a weekend to get out of the city so I can reconnect with nature. Or should I say Neature.

I wanted to let you know that today has been a really good day for me. In spite of the explosion from the WAW yesterday, and lack of sleep, I have been calm, in a good mood and feel, well confident. My IC says this is the best I have looked and scored in the past 10 weeks. I know it's a roller coaster ride, but I feel as if the outburst form the WAW has flipped a switch that I now realize, the wife I was hopeing to reconcile with is no longer here on the planet. I must move forward now. Maybe the aliens will return her after some probing, but right now, it's time to move forward. So here goes......

I wish you a restful and peaceful night. It will do ya good and it is well deserved at this time.

(((Phoebe)))

[Phoebe]

Thank for the encouragement, Sotto. Cherry, you are hilarious!

So I just got back from the BAN meeting. It was good and awkward. Good in that it really was nice to meet people, not hear the "kick him to the curb" thing, and to talk with others that had been through their own difficulties. What was awkward was that it was in a community room, so no food or drink for distraction, and at first it was just me and the group coordinator. Luckily, a great lady showed up after about 20 minutes, and then it was so much better. Don't get me wrong, the coordinator was nice, too, but I felt like I was under a microscope.

So one of their stories was a good one, in that after a year of being gone that wayward spouse came home and is working very hard to repair the M. The other one didn't work out, and there is a lot of anger there.

I did get an incredible and genuine hug from the woman who came, and that was really welcome. She said she remembered how little physical contact she had during her year alone and that she knows how much she needed it. She's so right. My parents aren't touchy people, so one of the things I am missing a lot right now is human touch.

They both commented that I am doing well for someone so early in this process, but I surely don't feel like I'm doing well. I guess my brave face disguise was working.

So, anyway, it was good and I'm glad I went. I just hope there will be more people next month.

Sleep well, my fellow insomniacs!