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I honestly believe the wayward wife thinks the H is such a dufus that she can tell him anything and he'll buy it as the truth. That is one reason I think the old excuse of "they are only friends" is used so much.

Yes, she is playing you, completely, about the sleepover.

Please don't be quick to tell her anything pertaining to the legal system, child custody, etc. You have not seen bad until you see the wrath of a WW. And besides, you don't want to show all of your cards. Don't know where you live, but don't wait too long before interviewing a lawyer. Ask questions to know your legal rights as a father and what you need todo to protect yourself. Make sure you have a lawyer who is not shy about fighting for father's rights.

I am glad you mentioned that book, Women's Infidelity. I was trying to remember that title recently, without having to dig it up. I read the book during the time I was coming out of my waywardness, and was probably one of the best things for me at that time (besides the DB board). Kind of put the fear of God into me, so to speak.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Nate,

I'm right there with you, brother. BTW, been to Calgary and Banff, LOVE the area. Jealous!

Wife has been on a tear lately. The spew is really bad. The closer to the D, the closer to me looking like I'm happy, getting a condo (hopefully - market is red hot by me)... the angrier she gets.

Her bedroom stuff, including clothes and boxes, hasn't moved in 3 months. Yesterday, she says she doesn't feel 'safe' around me or in the house with me. The next evening, she texts me to when I'll be home - and gets angry I'm staying late at work, to make sure we don't have contact together. Ugh. Can't have it both ways, but to a WW, it's her God-given right to be right, to have it all, all the time.

I keep repeating that God's grace is sufficient, and in Him I have strength. Lots of Christian music around the house, even with her in it. She's really angry at our church, even though no one has talked to her, she thinks they're all judging her. Her guilty conscience is just eating her alive... but the fantasy continues, unabated.

I have detached as best as I can, so I'm still here, with the kids, and no more arguments, no more discussions, just a couple sentences here or there about the kids, how the divorce settlement is coming along, and schedules.

The anger and frustration you feel - the hatred you get from your WW - it's all the same with me. It's a VERY common theme.

What I'd like to know - when my WW's fantasy comes to a crashing end, how do they cope with it, and cope with life? My WW has made so many poor choices, burned many a bridge right now, is there any way she can come back?

I know, not my concern, but I do care that she makes it out alive on this one. I'm more coming to the realization that I'll never take my WW back. I think God has bigger plans for me. And someone else in store for me. It just makes the sitch so sad. Cried with my D14 last night - just feel SOOO aweful for the kids. They really are awesome. Very well behaved, great grades, talented...


M46, EXWW46
M15 T17
D20, S19, D13
M - Addiction since 1998
W EA/PA #1 2013/2014
W EA #2 June 2015...
BD 1 Big D talk 9/15
BD 2 - EA/PA disc 10/30/15
Served D 1/22/16
Divorced 5/25/16 (yes, that fast!)
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Nate, I'm glad to hear that you're taking care of yourself!

I'm with Sandi on trying to contact a L. You don't want all of your conversations with WW to revolve around divorce, selling the house, etc. If she starts to bring that stuff up, I'd tell her to just let the Ls handle it and that you don't want to talk about it. Keep yourself out of it as much as possible.

I don't think there's anything wrong with sending a few truth darts her way, and OM and his S should definitely NOT be at the B-day party if you're going to be there. I'd hold firm on that one, but you have some time before that happens as well.

Remember that the housing market is down right now because of the recession, so even if the house is appraised high, it doesn't mean that it will sell right away.

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Sandi I completely agree that my WW think she is pulling the wool over my eyes. Almost at every turn we get to. I shake my head and have tried to show her how dumb she is being and usually expose the lie. She doesn't like it and usually ignores me or goes silent. It seems like a fruitless effort most of the time. That's why be been letting go more and more. Almost to the point of really not caring anymore. Let her play her games by herself.

That women's infidelity book I wish she would read or anything on affairs or affair fog etc. although that would mean she would have to look at herself and what she is doing. We all know that's not gonna happen anytime soon.

Trumpet good to hear from you. I'm with you all the way. These women are just so defiant and angry and it makes it very hard to even want to consider trying to make your marriage work if they were to ever come around. Cross that bridge though if we ever get there.

As far as L go. I have a friend who is a Family L and have been in contact with her already. My WW is already meeting with her L and making plans to buy the house. I do think it will hurt her financially to try to maintain this place by herself. She will be putting in a lot more hours at work, trying to maintain this house and trying to have a relationship with OM. I feel like she is gonna try to move him in as well and blend our kids/families together. It feels like it's gonna be a train wreck. I think that is the fantasy though. This OM and his kid and our kids as one big happy family. Ugh. Makes me sick.

I'm ready to take whatever she is gonna offer money wise and get out and let her play this fantasy out. I know personally I couldn't afford this place by myself but if she feels she can do it. Have at it. I'll get a nice little place where the Kids and I can settle in. She has already agreed to 50/50. So I have my kids half time, I'm a happy man. As happy as you can be in this situation. Let her go and carry on.

You guys and girls are the best. I love the support and hope all goes well for you in your sich.

Sandi, quick question. Do you think WW always see the devistation they created eventually or are some blind to it for ever? I guess what I'm asking not what is the norm. More often do they come out of it or do they continue to self medicate with man after man and may never wake up?


Me 40
W 35
Kids 2 S6 D3
T 10 yrs M 8yrs
BD 11Mar16
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Woke up this am to the WW cleaning bathrooms then outside to mow the lawn. She was on a tear to clean house it seemed. she always seems so charged, i think that is a big difference between us. We are so different that way. anyways, once i finally woke up, worked till midnight last night so we tend to have varying schedules, another complaint in the marriage. although its my fault I'm sure for both of us being shift workers.

Well when I did get up, WW and kids were not home? don't know where she went off too. The kids had school in an hour so I assumed they would be back shortly. Didn't wait around as it wasn't my day with the kids. Went to the gym, went out and had some lunch then off to work.

My feelings lately have been from sad and depressed to indifferent. I feel like I'm more accepting of my fate at this point but it does make me sad. When I think of being on my own I know i'll be fine and I'm sure there are some bright spots to it all. I just don't want to move on. I wish I saw some twinkle of hope that WW is having doubts about her direction in life. Sadly, that little glimmer of hope I hold is fading more and more each day.


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T 10 yrs M 8yrs
BD 11Mar16
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WW Just texted me that the BBQ is out of Propane and she can fill it Thur or Fri.

I'm assuming this is a temp check Text? I didn't respond and don't plan on it.


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T 10 yrs M 8yrs
BD 11Mar16
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Quote:
Sandi, quick question. Do you think WW always see the devistation they created eventually or are some blind to it for ever? I guess what I'm asking not what is the norm. More often do they come out of it or do they continue to self medicate with man after man and may never wake up?


That's a good question, but unfortunately, I don't know the answer. This is only my opinions. I have seen teenage girls who were wayward daughters. When they left home, they were like girls gone wild. When they got M, the honeymoon would hardly be over till they were a WW. The ones I know personally, just had a selfish, rebellious and hateful spirit that continued to endure through the years. To me, that is a person who refuses to admit they did anything wrong. They won't accept responsibility for causing others pain. They don't want to conform and they only think of themselves.

I believe there are probably more women who realize the destruction, but it's after many years. These women have learned the consequences of their decisions through the best teacher of all........life. Sometimes it is after the children are grown, and her H has long since moved on.

I consider myself belonging to the lucky group. Those women who came to their senses, for one reason or another, and did not want to cause any more pain, destruction and embarrassment. And even then, it takes time, remorse, and work for her to get her feet on solid ground.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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I would consider you one of the lucky ones as well! Guess they can't all be diamonds in the rough.

Thanks for the response, although not really comforting..lol smile


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T 10 yrs M 8yrs
BD 11Mar16
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Nate14,

If you want to learn what not to do, read my sitch. I feel that my WW is a spoiled teenage girl still and won't realize what she has lost until many years down the road.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
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I think that is the case with alot of WW. I know my WW will regret it. I just wish I could tell her that and have her believe it. We all have our own reality though. I'm letting go though and hoping she takes care, I do wish her the best and I do love her but I just have to walk away and keep hope alive. although it is very little at this point.


Me 40
W 35
Kids 2 S6 D3
T 10 yrs M 8yrs
BD 11Mar16
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