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Coconut Offline OP
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CWOL, as stated in my original post, I don't know if she will let me see them. I'm pretty sure asking would frustrate her, and I don't know if I should ask.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
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Ok, so I asked her and still researched the text list anyway... I gotta get better at not rushing to talk with her. I found that most incoming and outgoing texts were at the exact same times, I.e. Group text that lists each number as an individual text. Other than those, there weren't any excessive texts to a single number, a few here and there, but not enough to build or sustain a romance.

I'll be asleep by the time she gets home, so won't see her till the morning, so hopefully she isn't upset about me asking.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Joined: Jan 2016
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That sounds better than your original description and her response.


Ralph88
Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9
2013 B drop 1, EA found
2016 B drop 2, EA/PA?
2/16 Physical Seperation
2/16 I filed for D
4/16 PA Confirmed
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Hello Coconut,

I'm so sorry for the situation you are in.

Don't be so hard on yourself regarding slipping up every now and then. Just get back on track by doing more of what is working. It is important to detach and not pursue, but it can be tricky if one of her complaints is that you have been disengaged for over a year.

You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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Ok, it's been a rough day.. Last night I briefly woke up when my wife came to bed (@1230hrs), I said good night and she said g'night without any discussion.... Anyway, this morning I asked her if she was upset about me asking about the 900 texts and she said yes, we've been married almost 9 years, but all of a sudden your going through whatever it is your going through and you don't trust me all of a sudden and I feel like I'm being punished because your unhappy.....

What frustrates me is she doesn't realize that her withholding physical AND emotional intamicy is punishing me, and making me feel like we aren't even in a relationship... Right now she's full of personal challenges, work, FF academy, marriage, so I truly believe she isn't focused on the state of our marriage, but her complete lack of physical or emotional INtamicy when I'm begging for something is killing me.... Ii know she figures that she should get through the acadamy and then worry about me, but do I just wait in pain? I don't want to push her, but the only way I can disconnect is to move out, or at least move into the guest room, which she has said she doesn't want me to do,.., so I left work, told boss I needed rest of day off and I didn't want to discuss... I left and then W (who works in office) started texting and calling..

W - R u ok? Boss just told me you left for day, I'm worried (0938am)
M - No need to worry (error - not delivered) (0946)
W - Baby, please answer (0950)
M - No need to worry (1013). (I had powered off my phone, so I didn't c message)
W - of course I'm worried, you left work. What is going on? I know we had a tough discussion this morning but you wanted me to tell you how I felt & now you left work. (1015)
W - what's going on in your mind? Do you want to talk? (1015)
M- I just need to be alone (1021)
W - ok. Please tell me f you need me (1021)
M - ok, I will (1023)
W - sent meme that says - no relationship is all sunshine, but two people can share one umbrella and survive the storm together (1025)
M - I want you to know I'm turning my phone off. I'm ok, I just want some me time, I will be home tonight (1120)
W - ok baby. Can I ask what happened? (1121)
W - just know that I love you (1125)

As I go back and write this I feel silly, like she is obviously supporting me and cares about me... But here's the thing, in 4 weeks there has been no emotional or physical connection, even when I tell her I would appreciate specific things she doesn't do them... We haven't gone out in a date in over a month, but during that month she's gone out alone once, and with FF friends twice... She hasn't so much as rubbed my arm, or my head as she usually does, or anything else to shoe any physical attraction...


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Joined: Apr 2014
Posts: 1,121
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Hi Coconut,

It may not have been on purpose, but you did something totally different and unexpected and it got her attention.

It is easy to be conflicted when you have so many emotions and thoughts going through your head! Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial.

Cristy
Resource Coordinator
The Divorce Busting Center
303-444-7004


A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.

Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
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You are literally where W and I were 6 months ago.

Regarding the texts. What if you find out she's hooking up with someone? Would you get a D, or still want to work it out? I am guessing you would work it out, so looking at those texts can only have a negative outcome. Once I realized that, albeit way later in the process, I stopped the snooping.

Right now is the most important time for you to GAL. Make yourself desirable.

Here is my 2x4 for you. Your texts about going home from work made you look weak. She does not want that right now. She wants to see you strong. It's fine that you took the afternoon off, but spend it at the gym. If she asks, 'hey, yeah, I just had a stressful morning, so I felt like getting out of here and hitting the gym to blow off some steam.' That way you are being vulnerable to her, but at the same time showing you will handle it with strength.


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
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Coconut Offline OP
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Crw, to be honest, if she is hooking up with someone else I'm out.. Not because I don't love her but because I want kids and she can't give me that... My thought is as of today, I have 2 or 3 years to have kids before I'm to old to want to do so, I don't want kids graduating high school when I'm in a nursing home. I was ok not having kids if I had her, but take her out of the equation I wan kids.. I'm good enough looking that I could find someone else, but I do want her... I just don't have to much longer to find someone else and have kids... I feel like that puts pressure on time, but it's where I'm at.

As for today, I bought some vodka and orange juice and I'm enjoying the day at a local state park.


M - 9 1/2 years
5/5/16 - Bomb drop - 3 week EA
10/31/16 - We sold house
01/10/18 - D Finalized
Joined: Jun 2015
Posts: 1,453
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Right coconut I am not a vet here but I will tell you this as I have been here a long time and I have screwed up many times

You HAVE TO GET THIS NOW stop perusing her you need to give her space and time and perusing her is not going to get you what you want.

Second do not snoop it will do you no good whatsoever right now she will do what she wants to do and you have to give her space.

Have you read sandies rules ?' They are golden.

I am sorry you are here.... right now you are in a far far better position than many people on here and if you do not want to end up divorced then I would strongly encourage you to read the rules and concentrate on you. She is in a totally different place to you right no

Buckle up this is going to be a bumpy ride

Wishing you well
Ghost


Me:48 W 41
M:18 T:26
2 D 18 & 4
2 S 17 & 13
Bomb: 20/7/2015 in house separation
D filed 06/17
Separate houses 10/17
D Final 29/12//17.
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And... Don't believe anything she says and half of what she does... My WW told me all the same... Called me baby, told me she loved me, blah blah.. Actions! Do speak louder than words.... Do you!!! Get yourself together!!! GAL, dress nice, but some new clothes, make friends, workout, get a hobby, get your mind off her.. I did all the wrong stuff.. I acted weak... Do not leave the marital bedroom, do not leave the house!!!


Ralph88
Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9
2013 B drop 1, EA found
2016 B drop 2, EA/PA?
2/16 Physical Seperation
2/16 I filed for D
4/16 PA Confirmed
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