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Blu, I echo everyone's thanks. You provide us all with great insight and hope that we will be ok either way. Think we all have days we need that gentle reminder


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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BluWave Offline OP
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You are all welcome. This process--of posting here--has been therapeutic for me as well. I wish I could go back and give my old and heartbroken self some encouragement or strength. I cannot. All I can do is keep moving forward now.

I also realize now that if H did not make the changes that HE has made on HIMSELF, I can assure you, that this would not work. You do not want your spouse back with their head in the fog. So while they are giving you the gift of time, they need it too!!!

I am here for all of you!
-Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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Blu,

You have given me a ton of great advice, let me share some with you. I read this, but it goes something like this. These two this are absolute facts:

- the past has happened and you can't change it. on it's own it is useless to you.
- the future hasn't happened yet. again, useless.

What am I getting at? The present is all that matters. You can use the past as a means to a better present, but don't dwell there. Focus on each day, each minute. You'll be better for it.


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
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CRW, those are words to live by.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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I say spot on CRW!
These sentiments are so very true and valid.
I read that dwelling in the past creates depression.
Looking to the future and trying to control every element of it leads to anxiety.
Living in the moment and being truely present in this moment is a key to happiness, joy and success.

This is one of the biggest lessons that I am learning through this ordeal. I am still struggling to do this well, but I am very aware of it, and work hard to stay in the moment. I have found that it can shorten the duration of pain and suffering that I may feel. And it heightens the joy and peace that I feel in any given moment.

Thank you for sharing this today. I really needed the reminder.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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BluWave Offline OP
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Good morning, beautiful people. Blu here. I am heading out for the day, but wanted to stop by and say hello. I have been feeling so much better lately and I feel in part it has been from coming here. We are all survivors! We are all moving forward.

I want to read all of your sitches and check in with each of you! I am just not great at these boards. I see a name or thread, I go back and start reading, and then I go back a little further, and then DOPE--where did the time go??? And then I see another great poster on my thread and start all over..... I wish I had more time to read and journal here.

So there are so many of you out there that I am following and thinking about. I just wanted to say good morning. I hope this is a better week, day, and moment. I can't promise you will all get your M back, no one can, but I do know personally that if you learn to self love, that truly will get you through any obstacle. It has taken me years, but I am getting it--never thought I would--but I AM and YOU CAN TOO!

I am here for you guys!
-Blu

Oh, and I would love some advice on how you know when new messages pop up and how to follow threads more effectively--I do the watch posts/people, but I am still so slow at getting caught up on all of you!


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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Originally Posted By: CRW
Blu,

You have given me a ton of great advice, let me share some with you. I read this, but it goes something like this. These two this are absolute facts:

- the past has happened and you can't change it. on it's own it is useless to you.
- the future hasn't happened yet. again, useless.

What am I getting at? The present is all that matters. You can use the past as a means to a better present, but don't dwell there. Focus on each day, each minute. You'll be better for it.


CRW, thank you for this. I agree. I am trying to be in the present and move forward.

Somehow things feel like they are falling into place. Trust me, I did not feel this way for a long time when H was off in the fog and then the rest of my life took a downward spiral. There were many times I felt that I was losing everything and wondered if I could even survive it. It was the darkest and scariest time in my life. Somehow, I don't even know how, I got up each day and just tried a little bit harder.

I wanted to give up, and I was hanging on by a thread, but I never let myself. I do believe (to an extent) in the laws of attraction. So keep getting up each morning, moving forward, being the best you can be, but also--forgive yourself every time you screw up! Time and patience are key. Learning from your own mistakes can be one of the best ways to grow.

Keep on keepin on!
-Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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Thanks blu for that. I just feel while I am here working on me. H is just looking to get the boost he needs from ow rather than dealing with his own issues. Sometimes I wonder if my refusing to react is making me looking deluded in some way like all is well in the world?

Just feel I've had a tough day. You know that feeling when you feel things are never going to get any better.

Doesn't help that I work at the same place both h and ow work, so I always run that risk of bumping into either him or her . And I hate the fact that she has been brought into this like she's a part of this


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 301
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I'm sorry for your pain. You have a child and are that child's most important person in the world. You have to value yourself better than you are, for you and the child. I have no doubt you are an extremely wonderful catch, but you are letting H treatment and inability to appreciate you derail your wonderfulness. You are letting him win and control you and your child's happiness, remember, child looks to you as the most important person in the world. Screw that, don't let him do that to your kiddo and you. You are responsible for two!!! Make those two happy, let H decide his place.


Ralph88
Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9
2013 B drop 1, EA found
2016 B drop 2, EA/PA?
2/16 Physical Seperation
2/16 I filed for D
4/16 PA Confirmed
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Hi Blu. I really liked reading your last post. It makes me feel a bit more normal.

I often feel like I'm just holding on by a thread some days, particularly the last few. I've wanted to curl up in a fetal position and disappear, but I still get up every day. I need to focus more on that small, but measurable success that I manage every day. I'm not sure I'm making myself better, but I am trying, that I know.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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