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My WW wife also used her 'relationship' with God, prayer, and church to support her actions. That is when I know a person is very messed up. Every service we have gone to since this has started has been pro marriage and family. The services have given every focus and guidance to stop sin and return to a righteous path, and to her this means moving on with OM and letting our M go. I don't even feel that she struggles with this and says her relationship with God is stronger than ever. Its not my place to judge, just observing with a little mind reading.


Ralph88
Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9
2013 B drop 1, EA found
2016 B drop 2, EA/PA?
2/16 Physical Seperation
2/16 I filed for D
4/16 PA Confirmed
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
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He goes to ow I think to spark his ego. But no denying he is doing some high quality cake eating with me, then he goes to his trashy Twinkie.....

Ralph your w sounds just like my h with the same thought path. Somehow we are the wrong, I consider that guilt.

H contacted me to say was I still getting a lift from someone from work. I said yes, he then told me where and what he was doing "in case you think I'm up to something else". I did not rise to the bait. I simply thanked him for telling me


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,056
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Two partners are always going to be an ego thing. My WW continually says "i sometimes forget how pretty i am". I clearly understand where that comes from... (whispers) "very low self-esteem". Not that i helped with that.

Nice with the bait thing. My WW is even reading out her WhatsApp messages to attempt to put me at ease. Guess she only reads out the ones where she does not talk about wanting to screw the OP.

But it is a start, nothing else. They are becoming aware of us a little more everyday. If i look at where I am now and 5 weeks ago, i'm a different person, so is she. Better, but still very broken.


Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
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Cherry Offline OP
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Would you still think I'm moving forward? And that he's becoming more aware of me? I guess after seeing those messages the other day I thought it set me back


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,081
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I'm too messed up today to have much to offer, Cherry, but I wanted to let you know that I'm still reading along and wishing you a good day.

All I can suggest is to try to forget what you read in those texts (because you can't believe anything he says anyway) and only look at his actions. Get some boundaries set up to help protect yourself. You are the one that decides if you share yourself with him physically, and when.

Sex is a powerful experience for a couple, but one that men and women often interpret very differently. For myself, and I suspect for many women, it is very much about bonding and developing intimacy. For men? well.... I'll let the guys chip in.

I know that on the day I discovered H's PA, I said to him that I couldn't believe that I'd let him in my bed the night before. His response : 'but I made you feel good, right?' It was like he'd done something generous, rather than treacherous, like he'd given me some kind of pity gift. Not cool at all.

I hope you have a good day.

(((Cherry)))


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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Yes for most guys sex is just a release. I'm a different kind of guy, especially with someone I care about, it is much more. I wouldn't have sex with my WW is she tried now because it would be more than just sex to me.


Ralph88
Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9
2013 B drop 1, EA found
2016 B drop 2, EA/PA?
2/16 Physical Seperation
2/16 I filed for D
4/16 PA Confirmed
Joined: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,746
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Cherry Offline OP
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Thanks guys. Phoebe I'll check your sitch soon. You gave me some food for thought, his actions are somewhat better than the other week for sure. He wouldn't be near me! And he's checking to make sure I'm ok to get home. And why am I taking these texts as chapter and verse?!


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,081
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Ralph88, thank you for weighing in. I admire your perspective that sex is more than a release.

I wish that your enlightened attitude would infect my H these days. He told me he and his AP are no more than 'friends with benefits." Yuck.


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,056
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Just had a convo with my WW, about how we used to have sex. For me it was all about myself, every second. I was doing her a favour. For her it was getting there and how many times too. Overshare I know, but it was such selfish behaviour that I don't think we ever really made love...


Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
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Posts: 1,746
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Cherry Offline OP
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See ours always had, and still is very passionate. Completely lost in each other in a anything could go we are that body confident with each other.. Wether he actually feels anything or if he is about his own agenda idk.

When he finished with the last ow, she went crazy and bombarded me with screen grabs of their messages, and one of them was "all I see when I see my wife now is that we have amazing sex".. And she didn't run a mile then ...................


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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