A letter to o my h

[Rouky]

Mia I'm just above you, after Peterborough x

[Mia2003]

Ok....yesterday h texted me asking if he could ring to discuss mediation and our youngest son birthday. I said no thanks, as he was picking kids up today for McDonald's he could talk face to face.

He said he wanted to talk child access ( for pity's sake) and other things. My response was that I was quite happy to talk about youngest son birthday by anything else I was not going to discuss without a third party present as it would not be in the best interests of me or kids. That stumped him.

Honestly his obsession with child access.....he already has it....really think it's about control...he doesn't like asking for days in the hols.

[job]

Mia,
Your h needs to be working through the mediator and w/you regarding child access. Discussions outside of mediation about this situation are nothing more than cheeseless tunnels and the conversations continue to go round and round. I'm glad you told him that you weren't going to discuss it w/o a third party present. He's like a broken record and he's going to continue to hound you about it until you give in (which I doubt that you will). Yes, it's about control and manipulating you into doing what he wants.

I do hope that your son's birthday plans go off w/o a hitch and he can have a really great time.

[Mia2003]

Thanks job. Apparently the mediator told him I didn't want to go through with it because I didn't respond back to her by a certain time but I spoke to her the next day regarding how many sessions and cost. I told him this on Thursday and again yesterday.

H did the whole court thing again...honestly what on earth would he achieve by going to court.

The only reason I am agreeing to mediation is about money....he needs to contribute more for me and the kids .

[job]

He's trying to pull out every angle to get you to cave to his desires. He thinks the court will give him what he wants and more control over you and the visitation schedule. He just doesn't have a clue. You can't reason w/a nut.

Also, you can't believe anything that comes out of his mouth. He only heard what he wanted w/respect to the mediator. I bet she told him about your conversation w/her and he didn't like it. Again, don't believe a thing that comes out of his mouth.

Don't back down...stay the course. You and your kids need the money.

[Mia2003]

Thanks, I have reiterated time and time again about money......he ignores it. Just child access child access child access.........

I will say again, he gets every other weekend, every Tuesday evening ( he only takes them out for an hour but that is his choice) , rings nightly and every holiday he has asked for apart from that Easter bh ( that was mine) . This is perfectly reasonable under the circumstances isn't it?

Does my nut in what he has done. Even his mother thinks he is nuts. Does anyone have any idea what it is he actually wants or is it just he has a bee in his bonnet about this. Do u think ow is having some influence here?

[twinmom]

Some men want 50/50 custody, not just weekends. I can't speak for your H but he might truly just want equal time with the kids.
Is he a good dad? Is his time with them positive? If so you might want to consider working with him on another arrangement. I'm in the US and for the most part in court if a parent asks for 50/50 and there are no safety/distance issues it is granted.
Look at it this way, would it benefit the kids to have equal time?

[Mia2003]

Hi twinmom, he hasn't asked for that but anyway it is completely impractical. He chose to move 45 miles away from kids and their school. There is no way he would be awarded 50/50 as he would not be able to get them to school in the mornings during rush hour.

It depends on what you mean by good dad ?!! Yes he plays Disney dad but do good dads walk away because. Couple of weeks of arguing once he tells his wife he doesn't love her anymore. Does a good dad move in with another woman 6 months after leaving his family...with no consideration for his kids feelings. So my answer is yes and quite a big no also.

Am just sick of his behaviour

[Mia2003]

And no, it wouldn't benefit the kids to have 50/50 where ey would have to get up at ridiculous o'clock to get to school during rush hour.

[twinmom]

Mia, as much as it hurts please try to separate his actions towards you & the marriage from his actions as a father. Yes, he should have tried to work on the marriage but just because he didn't doesn't mean it isn't healthy for the kids to have a meaningful relationship with him that includes as much time as a schedule will allow.
I do understand your feelings, trust me. I get the pain. But at some point you need to shift the focus off of your H and onto you.
Please don't allow your anger for your H to cloud your judgment on what is best for the kids.
It is very evident your angry & you have every right to be but don't lose sight of what really matters, and that's getting yourself to a place of peace.

Are you cooperative in the mediation? What is the next step that needs to be taken? I agree you should not discuss any financial or parenting time issues without a third party present. You can't avoid mediation though if he starts the process.
I wouldn't do the work for him but don't ignore when it is your turn to participate in the process.