I'm glad to see that you are finding things to help you work through your situation. Painting can be so therapeutic and just look at the results! A fresh new room comes into being after painting. You should be proud of yourself.
Keep up the good work. I think you will discover that the more you push yourself out of your comfort zone, the more you will grow and can remain calmer when the kids aren't around.
As for your h, life isn't all that rosy for him, but he will never tell you that.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
It did feel good to get rid of the yellow walls he created . Kids will be happy too when they come back tomorrow .
As I said I am hopefully starting to believe that yes h life ain't all that great. He has been a complete idiot. When I see him he looks guilt ridden. He may be an ass via phone/ text but in person it's written on his face. Even when he leaves when he drops kids his shoulders are down.
But this is the life he has chosen. Unless he changes back this is his future ( don't think the reality dawned when he started this, but I'm sure it is now) and the longer he goes on twisting the knife the more and more he is pushing me away...the one person who loved him unconditionally .
It did feel good to get rid of the yellow walls he created . Kids will be happy too when they come back tomorrow .
As I said I am hopefully starting to believe that yes h life ain't all that great. He has been a complete idiot. When I see him he looks guilt ridden. He may be an ass via phone/ text but in person it's written on his face. Even when he leaves when he drops kids his shoulders are down.
But this is the life he has chosen. Unless he changes back this is his future ( don't think the reality dawned when he started this, but I'm sure it is now) and the longer he goes on twisting the knife the more and more he is pushing me away...the one person who loved him unconditionally .
Just remember to take this time to change yourself. It's not just about your H changing his mind but about you working on you to make yourself a wife only a fool would leave. To be the best you that you can possibly be.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
I agree w/twinmom, it's not only about changing your environment, but also working on yourself. It's looking deep within and if their are things about yourself that need improvement, you've been given the gift of time to work on this issues and become the woman would be a fool to leave.
BTW, how many coats of paint did you end up using to cover the yellow walls? Yellow is one of the colors that is hard to cover w/just one coat.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Hi Mia, good for you with the painting. It is good to do things to reclaim our environment and hopefully you'll feel pleased whenever you go into that room now. After BD, I spent some time in my Dad's garage upcycling furniture and it was therapeutic for me.
I also agree with others about the gift of time and what we can do with it. Whatever may or may not happen with him, it is important that we evolve to a point where we can either successfully reconcile, move happily onto a new R, or choose to stay happily single. Given all circumstances (trauma of MLC etc.) that takes a lot of self-growth. Have you been exploring some useful areas with your IC?
Hope you are enjoying the lovely weather this weekend xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Hi, well husband has booked a 'holiday' to take the kids over bh weekend...with ow...I was not happy but I rang him yesterday...said my piece very calmly.
I basically said I was not happy about it but I'd spoken to kids and they want to see their dad so they can go. I made it clear that I had no interest in her and had no respect for her but the kids tolerated her because they wanted to see him. We also had a discussi N about our own eldest son and what was going on with him. H mentioned mediation again for child access. I said I was happy to go for mediation but I won't pay as he seemed to think unraveling a 20 odd year relationship would only take one session and a one off payment of £171 and that was not the case. I had the kids to think of and he needed to discuss money and £600 a month was not cutting it. Of course he didn't respond.
We got onto what he'd done and basically I had my say...again calmly. I said what he'd done was despicable , having an affair. Again he denied it!! I asked him why couldn't he just admit it....he banged on again about the fact that I was shouting at him. I stated that I was not perfect and I had made mistakes but my shouting at him was a reaction to how he had been treating me. His excuse still...for telling the kids he was eyeing someone else, b4 me and moving in etc was I was shouting at him. The man is ridiculous ..
However the whole conversation was calm from my part.mhendid start doing his ' we need to work objectively for the kids.......conversation' I hate it when he talks like that. I stopped him and said that he had made it difficult to talk to him civilly and the fact that I was doing now said more about me.
We spoke for about 25 minutes. At one point I even made him laugh. Ironic isn't it.
I was the one who ended the conversation.
I will never understand how he thinks that saying he didn't love me, moving out, seeing her then moving in within months has been acceptable. I stated very clearly that we were not friends.
I am proud of myself that I kept calm but also angry that he still won't admit what he had been doing and that him talking to her and everything that happened after he left are probably 90% contributing to the breakdown .
Mia, I'm very proud of you! You stayed calm and addressed your concerns. I'm not all surprised that he didn't admit to what he's been doing...they won't for a very long time, if ever. Keep your expectations at zero and continue moving forward.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
