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#2673750 05/02/16 11:30 PM
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Hi all. Here is a letter I wrote to h for my therapy. I haven't sent it but one day I will read it to him.

I don't understand how we got here. We were good together, strong. You said we didn't have any common goals anymore. I thought we had an important one, bringing up our children together to be happy secure adults.

When you said you didn't love me anymore I couldn't cope with it. Remember I was having a hard time at work , so you saying that pushed me over the edge and no I didn't handle it very well...I did shout.

If you could've just told me how you were feeling we could have sorted this. You know you could have even told me about the other woman and I would've listened and we could have talked it out.....and we wouldn't be here now...you know in your heart that is true.

But whatever you tell yourself...every time you spoke to her about us, after you decided you were unhappy you hammering more nails into the coffin of our marriage.

I loved you. I never even thought about it. No it wasn't a fluttery feeling it was. Caring for you, raising our kids together, supporting you, committed to you, that was what loving you was for me. It jus was .

I truly loved the man I married. He was kind, gorgeous, thoughtful. Wouldn't hurt a fly.
This one now, with everything that's happened I unfortunately don't recognise.
If the man I married shows up again, don't text me , but give me a ring, it would be nice to speak to him again.

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Oops forgot to add,


I will forgive you. It would be nice if you ask me for forgiveness but you won't yet. But will on my own for the sake of our children and their future.

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Your letter was very heart felt and you are right...keep it safely tucked away because one day, you'll be able to give it to him.

What are your plans for today?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
job #2673974 05/03/16 12:46 PM
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Lovely letter Mia, it hit a cord with me as it felt like it could be addressed to my H too. I am writing letters for him too, but mine are nowhere as civilised as yours, and I definitely did not intend most of them for him to see, just fo me to take things of my chest.


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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Hi Mia, I think Ive only posted once to your threads but I follow them and just wanted to wish you a happy birthday.

Kyh #2674135 05/03/16 11:31 PM
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Thank you Kyh.

It was mixed. Spoke to my mil yesterday as she sent me a card.
Most of it was chit chat, was very careful not to go into things but t she brought up and kept saying that her son was an idiot and she can't believe what he's done and ow must have manipulated it all. It was comforting to know his own mother thinks he's been daft but I was clear to point out that at the end of the day her son made his own choices.

Also comforting to know that she doesn't think much of ow.

She also said he's infatuated with her..well infatuation doesn't last does it.
Also told her he's taking me to mediation and she just kept saying he's not thinking

I'm going to ring docs today, I think I need to go on some happy pills for my own sanity through all this

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Hi Mia, I'm glad you had a helpful convo with MIL. I agree, it pays to say little yourself but it's interesting that she doesn't agree with her son's actions. That alone makes it hard for R's that begin in A's to survive. Imagine none of your family wanting to meet your GF because that R began with tearing apart your family?

Hope you managed to have a reasonable day on your birthday and glad to hear you are going to the dr. If taking meds for a while helps and your doctor agrees then sounds like a good plan. Many on here have posted that being on ADs temporarily helped them through the worst parts.

You are doing well and just keep on getting up everyday, moving forward and leaving your H to the bed of nails he created (he just doesn't realise it yet - think's it's a deluxe feather mattress right now but that will change for sure....)

Xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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H has also apparently said to his mother that he doesn't want to drive all the way to see her with kids as he spends very little time with kids as it is and he didn't want to waste time in the car!! Reality biting then.


I assume this is why he wants mediation....he is missing the kids and believes he will get more access. Unlikely .
This is his reality. He decided to not love me any,ore, he decided to walk out and move in with her rather than dealing and improving what he had. Ultimately he may have ow but I am starting To see that his day to day life probably isn't a bed of roses where the kids are concerned. As I have said before I think he thought he could have the best of both worlds.....but nope.


He has also allowed his mum to book a holiday with the kids and him...but it seems that falls on my weekend!! ....what a prat

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No, it's not a bed of roses for him at this time. They all thought the pot of gold was at the end of the rainbow and everything was pixies and unicorns...but it isn't.

As for his mother sharing info w/you...be careful of that. She may be telling you this stuff to see what your reaction will be and then relaying it to him.

So, now the offer of the children spending time w/you for Mother's Day has come to light...his mother has booked a holiday with him and the kids on your weekend. That explains why he thought of you on that special day. Did you advise her that the trip is booked on your weekend to have the kids? If not, you should have and requested that it be changed. In some cases, they will use someone else to do their dirty work for them and so he figured you wouldn't ask his mother to change the dates, i.e., you would go along with him having them on your weekend. Gosh...he's a real piece of work.

Whatever he believes he thinks he'll get w/mediation, well, that could change and whatever is agreed upon in the way of visitation will need to be adhered to. Maybe he thinks that if he has the children more the child support will lessen. I can't imagine the ow wanting your children there more often than not, but again, if it's to prove to him that she's willing to do whatever it takes to keep him, she might go along w/more time w/the children for a while...but I can't see this continuing for a long time.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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