Headed for D - Trying to move on

[J5K]

Painter,

Now I understand. Thank you. Yes, I will have to ask for records then of FIL, seems so petty but in the long run worth it.

CWOL

I do blame myself a lot. I know I shouldn't, been like this for quite a while now. You are correct I don't own it.

I will go back and spend time with my boys early today.

[Painter]

Glad to hear that!

You probably don't have to ask for FIL records, just give FIL a call tomorrow (all depending on your relationship, of course) and say that you wanted to check in to see how he is doing because you were worried, and to let him know that you are thinking about him. The reaction should tell you all you need to know.

[J5K]

So STBXW just called and wanted to verify if I would be home around 4:30. Told her I will be leaving at 2 and have to pick the rental car up and take our car to collision shop. She sounded kind of sad.

Told me a few things about the boys, took S7 and S6 to doctor and S2 has a fever. She also said she scheduled her psych exam for Tuesday and asked if my L explained how it works. I just validated and confirmed and kept everything short.

[J5K]

Well did the exchange this afternoon with the boys. I am back in the house for the next 5 nights. Great to see the boys again. Not sure I understand why WW did not want to wait for the bus and say good bye to the three oldest before leaving?

STBXW had a bin full of books. She wanted to leave them in the house but I loaded them in the car for her and stated they no longer need to be here. S2 and I were cheerful and bid told her to have a great weekend. She was like how, my dad is having an MRI. Funny though how she was in full make up like she was ready to go out for the night.

Spoke to neighbor after STBXW left, neighbor stated that WW keeps telling her stories of being the victim. WW says she will never come back to me. WW is concerned with the buyers suing for the house now and cannot understand why we can't come to an agreement on custody and settle this.

[Painter]

Make sure you document your coming home early on W's request. All documentation should be devoid of feeling or opinions, just facts - handwritten and dated notes in a notebook works just fine.

"4/29/16 - left work x hours early on W's request to take care of children. W stated she was going to (city) to take her father for an MRI. I arrived home at 2:30pm. W left at X:XXpm. She did not wait for Child 4 and 5 who were to arrive home at X:XXpm."

[mvgfwd2]

yes, document anything and everything. Every interaction with you and the kids, every penny spent, everything you do to accommodate, etc. Keep a notebook or voice recorder handy

[J5K]

So it was my weekend with the boys. Weather was rainy all weekend so went and visited my parents on Saturday. Spent about 5 hours there, boys had a good time.

Sunday was Orthodox Easter. Spent 4 hours with family and friends. We go every year to the same house. Everyone was cheerful and nice, I was not in a good mood. Missed having W with me. In the past she would want to socialize with the adults while I watched the boys. Nothing was different this year other than W not being there.

Woke up 3 times last night. Sleep is getting worse. W walked into the house this morning at 6:45 am handed me keys to the car and all I said was good morning cheerfully. She looked tired and went straight upstairs to the MBR.

She goes to first psyc eval meeting tomorrow evening and Wednesday I have court for the house. So many changes are happening this is not how I wanted things to turn out.

I am beginning to doubt my efforts to be the rock for the boys. I am trying my best.
I just feel like listening to Ls and fighting for custody is draining us financially.
I feel that I should have listened to DB coach and built a friendship with her. I know a lot of people on the boards don't agree with this approach or recommendation but I am out of options.
Maybe this was just a rough weekend for me.
I am just having a hard time seeing any light at the end of the tunnel.

[J5K]

This afternoon I get home from work. My night again with the boys. Went to pick up prescriptions for S7. Texted STBXW that pharmacy lost the script. STBXW gets all upset because I dropped it off yesterday when she said she would take care of it. Well she had all day Thursday and Friday to drop it off but did not so I took it over the weekend. I shrugged it off and said that the pharmacy will call doctor to get refill.

Next topic we address is S6 is acting out on school bus. Pushing his brother and not sitting down. Actually got a write up this time from bus driver. Told W that he has been throwing tantrums all weekend and been defiant. She stated that he never acts that way with her at her parents. I commented back saying that his brothers stated that S6 does have tantrums there also but not as bad. W tries to get boys involved in conversation and I cut it off right away telling her that this needs to go no further in front of the boys and if she wants we can discuss later. No additional comments from W. We agreed S6 would do some small chores this evening.

She then tries to continue to update me on what I should do with the boys the rest of the evening. I told her I appreciated the input and will handle it from here, thanked her again and politely told her she was free to leave and go to her hotel for the night. WW was not happy about that. Well I guess since I am no longer her H she doesn't get to treat me like a doormat.
It kind of felt good to take a stand.

[J5K]

This morning W wanted to discuss the D. She continues to state that this will be over by the time the boys are done with school in mid June. I replied with I am not sure when it will be over. I stated our biggest issue is custody. I suggested 50/50 here in Michigan and she stated that she does not live here. She says the judge will give her custody and allow her and the boys to live in Toronto. I just replied with we will have to wait and see.

We then started to talk about the past and she continued to spew about how I filed first. Continues to say I did not unfile fast enough and how I did not do any grand gestures when she came back to reconcile in February. I politely cut her off and said well I am not interested in having this conversation about the past anymore and will not be an enabler to your poor behavior. If your family chooses to do so then so be it.

I walked out the door to go to work. She followed me and stood at the door and repeatedly said "well let me tell you something" which I politely responded with the conversation is over have a nice day and got in my car and left. Needless to say she was not happy she did not get the last word.

There has been no change in WW. I just cannot understand how she has no remorse for her actions and no respect for an M. I may not be the most mature adult, but neither has she. I wish I could understand if there is something truly wrong with her like MLC or NPD.

I also told her that she can go do whatever she wants with OM and that she can have a good time with him giving her attention (Although deep down I am upset that she is hurting me like this). I want to raise my kids and am doing what is best for me and the boys.

[dream]

I think most of the conversations you had were good. No need to talk about OM and say things that aren't true. I'm glad to see you enforced your boundary of which topics to discuss and how you will (will not) be treated by her. Keep it up!

Have you been in touch with your sons' teachers? Any plan to provide IC for your boys? Sounds like S6 could use someone to talk with.