My WW said the same thing about 100% etc etc and the limbo thing. Well that fizzled out and while she was nicing me, she made a night away plan with OM.
Ralph88 Me 40s W 30s, D5 D3 , M7 T9 2013 B drop 1, EA found 2016 B drop 2, EA/PA? 2/16 Physical Seperation 2/16 I filed for D 4/16 PA Confirmed
I don't see any reason to be nice, pursue or allow friendship, or take any of the bait with their drama! It is not reality. Reality for them should be to feel the detachment, no drama allowed, and for them to see and feel what they are losing. No friendship, no gifts, no cards, nada. This is a natural consequence for walking out on a M!
If you want your M back, then you can plainly tell them what you want, and everything else is off the table, then you can turn the other cheek for how the are treating you and walk away. Trying to nice your way back into a R, will only show your weakness, and it's just not attractive to anyone. Sorry for the 2*4, but think about this outside of your feelings for a moment. Would your confident self be ok with your W leaving you, hurting you, yo-yo-ing all over you with no regard for your pain, and then just keep being "nice" in hopes she might take you back? That makes no sense.
They are in a fog, but so are you because your self-esteem is in the toilet! Hold your head up high, detach, and think about how you deserve to be treated.
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
thats the thing, i have pulled the rug out from under her. i havent been nice lately. i have been very distanced. she uses every oportunity, to talk to me.
and every time, she says its over.....and i say ok, do what you gotta do. and then i get a text later saying that she is unsure.
im not even effected by it anymore. i sit here typing, laughing to myself, just watching it unfold.
i would take her back, if she would ever put in the work. and be 100% into it. but until then. im just chillin enjoying myself and my kids and friends. no women, no side chicks. just me. its kinda nice coming home to my apppt. with no drama.
As for the changes in your WW, as stated yesterday. Mine is also coming around. She went out on friday, but still cleant the house before she did so - and no-one cleans on a friday night! She's disciplining our S4 for the first time ever. She's even stated that she wanted to dress him because he can't be in his pyjamas whole day on a saturday (was 9am).
These are things she's never done before. Sandi says that a W must know her place and only a H can show her where that is.
These changes are a start, but the waywardness is still very very deep.
Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
i agree, she is still very wayward. she is confused, shes darn near crazy. im just trying to live my life drama free for awhile. it feels good.
but unfortunately, she keeps interrupting my peace, every few days in any way possible that she can find, to ask me. how are you doing? what are you thinking? and then the back and forth of her rollercoaster, wanting in and back out.
the whole time i try to avoid her. and i remain constant in my answers. im havent made a decision yet etc.
but her wanting me to talk is getting bolder and bolder.
i was in a funk the last 2 days, but i'm coming out of it now. I was able to come out of it without, bugging all my friends and without freaking out. self soothing i guess you can say. this is a big victory for me.
i will be talking to my coach tonight, and hopefully be putting together a strategy for the next month or months in how to deal better with her. and what good signs and what red flags to look for.
This is a loonnnggg and difficult process. I don't think you can measure success day by day or week by week. So keep doing what is working, detach, and focus on you--your life without her. You don't have to let WW, or anyone for that matter, rope you into their drama. Perhaps there have always been boundary issues in the M. I think we can all have those in any long term M, but when separation occurs, it's absolutely the time to reinforce them. They are not to hurt her, they are to protect you. Big difference.
It's not too late to put up healthy boundaries, let her know you are not talking about that now, and keep creating space for yourself. This does not need to be done in a punative manor, but to protect yourself and what you are comfortable with. If that doesn't work and she continues to come at you, it's ok to say, "with the way things are between us, I need some space, I would prefer to only talk about logistics regarding the kids and finances, I have a lot to think about, I hope you can understand that and will respect my boundaries."
Can you do that? And stick to it?
-Blu
“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
i can certainly do that. the problem is that, she views it as me punishing her. she is still very self centered at times, in a princess type mind frame. anything that doesnt go exactly her way is a stab in the back to her.
im not going to use her name, but i had a saying that i used to use, that pretty well sums it up. well just call her "jane". i used to say and still say, that "jane is for jane, and nobody else"
during this whole process, anyone, who went against her, she has cut out. and im not afraid to be cut out. the problem for me lies in that, my coach says that i should be somewhat friendly to her and not cause her to go cold and feel hurt. not to be punitive, and i dont feel that i am. but when i said a month ago for us to only talk about children and logistics, for now. she took it as me punishing her.
so im kinda stuck in what to do exactly. maybe its all in the wording, or timing. idk. its been a stuggle, none the less.
