Broken not defeated pt 3

[Cherry]

The rollercoaster ride continues. H is texting the ow, telling her how he feels the m is a mistake and that he feels he is getting close to pulling out.

Only, towards me- although we have very few words. He is doing things to help me without me asking (his LL is acts of service). He can't seem to keep his hands off me, he has started initiating sex more often. I see him watching me from time to time as I go about my business. He is at home a good lot of the time, even gets in bed to join me for movies.

His behaviour is all over the place. I feel I should be angry, but I may be past that. I realise my own worth and what I deserve. It is all very confusing, but he is deep in the fog and blatantly confused over what he actually wants.

But I know this, I deserve a loyal loving person. He isn't this. I have seperated the man I fell for, to this Martian who is here right now. And I can't focus on him, he is way too toxic.

[Cherry]

http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2673426&#Post2673426

Old thread

[BluWave]

Oh Cherry, I wish I could slap some sense into him! I cannot even imagine what you must have felt like reading those texts. Grrr... And then he has the nerve to jump all over you? Shaking My Head in disgust right now. ... That being said, we are not too surprised right? H has remained in the fog and all over the map.

So until he is willing to take a good, hard look at HIMSELF, and change HIS ways, I just don't see how this is going to stop. He has the family and bed with you, and then the excitement/addiction with OW. It does appear to be the best cake--high quality cake. ... However, on some level we know he has no genuine self esteem. His mind has to rationalize this gross behavior and his feelings of self worth must be steadily declining over time. His mind must be spinning. He knows this is wrong! How else can one rationalize this behavior?

You know what? I am not even going to sit here and tell you to follow the DB principles in your sitch. You can hold your head up and act as if, or you can rip into him! I lost it on H MANY times and it did leave quite the impression! Sometimes some well channeled anger can be quite effective. Something to think about.

More so I want you to take care of you and start thinking about what you want. It has been awhile now. Do you want to keep living this way? What if you decided you were done and moving on with baby? What does that look and feel like for you?

And I still can't help but think that If and When you are done and H sees that, he will wake up from this delusion. And whether you want him back without the self growth, well that can be YOUR choice.

I believe in you,
Blu

[Cherry]

Thanks blu, right now my focus is slowly on me and baby. I'd like to think I'm getting towards the point in my head of how would this look. And what would need to be done.

I feel the next step that may arrive soon will be telling him he needs to go in another room. I think I'm trying to come up with a plan in my head. I pay him little attention, I don't follow him round. And I'm certainly done with the teary stage and letting him see me vulnerable.

I do think potentially there will be a time when the red anger will get the better of me and I will tear him a new one. I've certainly got it in my head that when he feels ready to talk about all this I will lay heavy boundaries. I have plenty of self respect which is something he lacks.

I have thought of putting a time frame on this. How long am I actually willing to hang on. And honestly I don't know, I feel that is going to be something I naturally arrive at. I guess deep inside I know he loves me, but at the same time, he's making a mug of me to this slut.

[Cherry]

So far today, I've turned my home into a mini spa. Facemask, hair mask, nails, toenails the world. I've rearranged closets and done housework. Anything really to avoid h.

He came down and joined me in the room with baby. He has a very "woe is me look about him" lots of edgy leg shaking, head in hands etc.

And quite frankly so he should. At moments I've felt like calling him a pathetic snake I've chosen to get out the room and do something for me. I can't help but be angry at him. To one woman I'm a mistake, and then he gets in and tries jumping my bones continuously. I've started thinking of a future without him, where will we live and what will we do. It's daunting but it's do-able.

I'd love to move back to my homeland, but I would never be able to leave the country with baby without his permission. And a side of me thinks it isn't fair to take his child away, but then the other side of me thinks he should have f**king thought about that.

Thing is, can I trust this man again? I don't know. He promised he would change and he would never do this again but a year on and I'm back in the same position. And this isn't a life for me, I want to be loved cherished and respected. And I honestly don't think this toxic wasteland is possible of it

[DDJ]

I look at my WW and I don't think that she's become a mutant anymore. This is who she has always been - stubborn, selfish, rebellious. It will take a concerted effort on her part to kill all of that, and frankly I don't think she's got the ability.

I don't think that I can ever trust her again the way i used to. Too much water has passed under the bridge. Can i live knowing what she's capable of doing to me, i definitely deserve better. I know that I do.

[Phoebe]

Cherry, you are a rock star. You have so much self-respect and see very clearly what you deserve in a relationship. He has definitely married above his station. When you make up your mind about how you're going to proceed, he had better watch out!

I love that you turned your hime into a day spa!

[Cherry]

Thank you guys.

I think the delayed reaction has hit me. I want to cry, scream, throw things. Only I can't seem to do any of the above.

I hate him for this

[DDJ]

Don't hate him. He has shown who he truly is, be thankful that he shows it now. You have your whole life ahead of you.

You're not reacting... Always a good thing.

[Cherry]

So he messaged me apologising for the sex and says it won't happen again. Do I not react, or do I lay a boundary. Or point out that he blatantly doesn't have any respect for me, or himself and the mistake is his affair??