Monday morning and W is active in trying to meet me. We haven't met since beginning of March. She has an appointment with the school about S and is future plans. I don't need to go as I've already spoken to the teachers involved.She would like me to come with her today and has asked twice. I politely said no. She has come back with trying to arrange a meeting with the bank to do our tax returns. I said I'd pass on the paperwork and we'd arrange how to pay some other time. She has now offered to change the day so I can come. We never needed to got together before so I won't. During the morning's messages she changed her profile picture to show some flowers on a table in a room, first time I've seen into her new flat and life. I assume the flowers were bought by OM to cheer her up on Mother's Day as she didn't see S. OM has an elderly mother so who knows what they did yesterday. Feel weird about it all., at least she hasn't changed to a picture of them looking loved up. Weird how people can be so accepting of her walking out on her family and lying to everyone over so long.
Sorry for all the typos! She rang me after the school meeting, she sounded very down. She said it had gone well but it was difficult to talk about S when she doesn't have a relationship with him. I said at least she now knows what he is going to do and to take care, less then a minute on the phone. I'm glad I didn't go as she was relying on me to do the talking while she smiled and charmed. I feel empathy despite everything but a reality check has to happen from time to time.
W finally did the tax returns without me as I was working. She rang me this evening after collecting S to say that her car had broken down and could I go into our account (now run by her) to find the insurance company? I genuinely can't remember the passwords and told her I never look in there (true). S decided to walk home to avoid me having to collect him and maybe have W want me to take her to new home. When S arrived I asked him if W had given him the tax papers, he said no. W also hasn't replied to an email pointing out that we had agreed her financial contribution to S's upbringing and she owed two months money.She is clearly trying to provoke another meeting as we haven't met since the beginning of March. I feel like she alternates between long silences when I refuse to meet followed by renewed attempts to meet up. I really don't know if I am handling the last few weeks well or just alienating her?
Truly Scrant, I think while the A is still in play, stepping back from her and moving forward with your own life is the best thing to do. I think if she always sees you there as back up plan, she doesn't truly face the complete loss of you. But these things do take time and I think 'waiting without waiting' is the best plan - keeping your focus on yourself and building positive things in your own life.
You're doing well.....are you still making new GAL plans?
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks Sotto. I try to not keep second guessing W but it is an easy trap to fall into.GAL is a bit up and down at the moment. I'm preparing for various races including a half marathon! I'm off to a big concert with friends next week and taking S to a basketball game as well. Next weekend I'm meeting some friends for a Saturday night meal. I'm snowed under with extra work for the next month or so which keeps me busy. I'm also thinking of applying for a more senior post in a secondary job I do. Despite all this I haven't really moved to improve my social life, I'm going to have a lot of free time in July/August and I haven't really made too many plans to fill it. I miss having a woman to share my life with but while W still occupies my thoughts I can't really move on. At least having S with me gives me something to focus on and work colleagues/ friends have been great in keeping me going. Reading other people's sitches I really can't complain.
Yes, counting our blessings is always a good idea. Glad you have some nice social things coming up. July and August are approaching...so I hope you'll be able to plan ahead and make the most of your free time. How about deepening your mindfulness exploration with a retreat or similar?
Have a good weekend x
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
Thanks Sotto. It is an idea although I'd have to wait until S is away. Busy with GAL at the moment yet that seems to have the effect of making me think about and miss W more. Isn't that weird? Had a great night at a concert with friends but at the same time it reminded me of the time we went together in another life. Today S and I are traveling to see a basketball match, looking forward to it. I had to send a paper by email to W today. First contact in a while( although I see her chatty texts to wider family) as she asked about the game. I suppose after 7 months it is normal that we contact less and less, we adjust to our new lives, she realizes that I'm no longer her best friend etc. I feel like I'm not making much progress in all of this. I know I can't do anything to change her, I know nothing about her new life nor do I want to. I avoid chances to meet and I'm trying to occupy my time with work, activities and S. It is when I look forward, I don't see things changing. We haven't talked about formalizing the separation, we just have verbal agreements based on trust and love for S. As I have said in previous posts W is using finances to try force me into helping her relationship with S and to see me to make sure I'm still there. As it isn't urgent I'm ignoring the issue for the moment as I know she wont want me to bring it up with her family or S (not that I intend to blackmail or threaten) and I can't repair their R. Just venting as I feel sad and frustrated by the whole situation.
Just received text from W who has been arguing with S on phone. W complaining that he doesn't show her any respect yet alone affection. Haven't replied as I can't reply this things have to be earned in life and her actions throughout the years have got her where she is today. I can't force their R, civilty yes but I hope OM is worth it.
Sent a third email to W reminding her about her contribution to S. No answer. She'll have seen it. Clearly she wants to provoke a phone call and a discussion, probably a meeting to sort things out. She is obviously unhappy that things haven't worked out as expected and happy families don't exist. If I have to meet her, I will but only to leave things clear. I'd like things to be amicable but seeing her doesn't work for me. I want to move on with my life. Her R with W is for them to sort out not me. If we want to avoid lawyers we should keep our promises. Don't know what else to do
