Just want to let you know I have not forgotten about you. You did so much to help me during the most difficult time in my life. I will be divorced pretty soon and plan to post an update on my thread when I get a chance.
Just wanted to drop by and say hello and I hope you are doing well.
My great honor and pleasure to be part of your journey WhyUs and I am grateful that you chose to support me in mine.
I would love a full update.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am taking a few moments this morning to jot down what I am thankful for. It is a challenge that my D17 gave to me. She set an app on my phone that reminds to do it each day.
As I sit here and think of what I am thankful for, you came to my mind. A woman that lives across the pond from me, whom I have never met. A wonderful person that has endured many challenges in her life. So many that no one would fault her for being bitter,angry or completely withdrawn. Yet she shares her wonderful story of the journey that she has taken to overcome the challenges and be the person that she is today. But the thing that is even more impressive is that you take the time to reach out to others going through difficult times of their own and you share advice, words of comfort, words of wisdom, and the most powerful is that you show genuine love in what you do each day as you communicate in each post.
Vanilla, I am so thankful for you, and what you have done for me in these past couple of months. You have been a shining light in the midst of the dark fog that I have wandered through. I cannot truly express the gratitude in my heart for what you have done for me and for what I see you do for so many others each day on this forum. I can only imagine the things you do for the people that are physically around you and have the honor of actually knowing you in person. I have had my spiritual challenges in my life, but at this time I am so thankful to God for sending me an angel in my time of need. The Sweet Angel, known as Vanilla in these forums.
I give thanks for my D17 and her wisdom and love. at such a young age she is mature beyond her years and forced to grow up faster, yet she is doing it with poise and courage. I give thanks for my D5 for her unconditional love and joyous spirit. She has a smile that melts any dark cloud of depression that hangs over me, and she is so in tune with me, that she always knows what to say to remind me of my worth for her. I give thanks for the Angel Vanilla being here in my time of need and for the wisdom and peace she shares with me and my family.
"Gratitude opens the door to...the power, the wisdom, the creativity of the universe. You open the door through gratitude." - Deepak Chopra
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
I decided that a simple thank you was enough, such a beautiful post.
My higher power says that is insufficient, so here is my gratitude.
I am grateful for all those who helped me and gave me comfort here on this board when I was in such distress. Some long gone to better lives, others still working their way forward.
I am grateful for theracers and support of my family and friends.
I am grateful for the resources and twelve steps that are part of my recovery.
I amean grateful for those that are in my tribe, here on the board and off of it. And for those who arrive who become my tribe.
I am grateful for the newcomers that struggle and allow me to be part of their journey and who become part of mine. For the vets who give me 4x4s when I need it.
I am grateful for plain Vanilla, that part of me that never gave up on me. To screaming banshee who made painful efforts to protect me.
I am grateful for knowing that I need not forgive WH although I can choose to let go of resentment and heal. I am grateful for my life, the opportunity to grow and grateful that the next mistake in life will be different. I am grateful that I can still love without bitterness.
I am grateful for Sadhub and his wonderful Ds who are in my thoughts and prayers daily.
Above all I am grateful to my higher spirit who brought me here to help me heal from my own foolishness.
I am grateful to those who read this and ask like a chain that they too say on their thread their gratitude.
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
R 25 years M 14 years S11 & S13 Working on it alone since Oct 2014 M in trouble a lot earlier (~2 years) Feb 2016. 1st R chat in a yr. Next R chat Aug'17 Still together
I'm grateful for having the opportunity to have met. ( online ) Lady V. I do wish my sotch hadn't happened but there are positive and Lady V is very near the top of the list
Your an incredible lady and touch the hearts of those you interact with
I have a fake birthday so I cant be traced and it very close to May 1. So I will enjoy your birthday wishes on that day.
Today is an anniversary of sorts, today STBXWH has been gone for 365 days, tomorrow is the anniversary of him having the door locked tight.
I still struggle with the abuse, I still suffer complex PTSD.
I want healing and it comes in big shift and then little for a long while.
I can not explain to anyone how bad the abuse was, I wouldn't be believed. Nor can I explain why I let it happen to me or why I denied it to myself for so long. Why I took the blame and brunt of another's wayward behaviour, attitudes and beliefs. And I can't explain why I can't heal and I can see no resistance within me.
I am sometimes so anxious and frightened. At others so down and immobile.
Sleep is not healing, food has little taste and despite all mornings are really hard work. I am sluggish and my weight isn't shifting despite all my efforts.
I want real love in my life, the real deal, not the fake stuff offered by a wayward compulsive.
I am down today
V
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to loose. V 64, WAW
I am so sorry to hear this. I feel you about the PTSD part. Nobody who hasnt experienced it will ever understand it.
The thing about abuse is that if there isn't a physical cut or a bruise, it's hard to justify why you're feeling hurt and frightened. And when you find it hard to justify, you feel kinda silly to even try. So you talk yourself out of it. You convince yourself it's you?
Abuse, physical or not, does terrible things to people. But you're a survivor, a gorgeous lady with class.
Once again, (((V)))
You can call me Dory/ Grl.
As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"
It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
Sweet V I do not have the words as I read your post this morning.
My heart aches as I read the pain you are enduring this morning.
I pray that you may receive strength this day. That you may feel some peace and relief.
I send rainbow hugs to you and hope that you may have the opportunity for the human touch of a hug from a loved one on this anniversary of sorts for you.
You are an inspiration and a light for so many, and on this day I hope that we can all return the favor in any small way that we can.
(((Vanilla)))
May you find and feel some genuine joy today and see a sliver lining in the dark cloud of this day.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
