Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
Lots of passion there, I think.you should pursue it much more.

You said football was your life before school, do you still enjoy it. I know you were playing soccer also, maybe that group or team wasn't a good fit or maybe it is, idk. Can look into what else is available in your area. Meetup groups are listed online and I'm sure you could find something there relating to racing or football/soccer since the weather is getting nicer.

Don't go out to find something to take your mind off your W, that's not the goal. Go out and find something you enjoy because it's good for you and the rest will fall into place later.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
V
vise82 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
Hey Fogg,

I dont know about playing football again, it was tough on my body and I was at an extreme level of fitness that I am not sure i want to commit to. Soccer seems to take care of my sport competition craving with out all the bruises of football. My kids play soccer also so I like that we can relate to each other. Kids were giving me practice sessions in the fall. They also thought it was great that my team won our division championship, as i showed them the shirt that said the same on it.

Writing about the auto racing has got my mind on it now and with the warm weather I will see what I can do about getting into it. At least i am thinking about it now.

The friend i am seeing tonight is into RC racing. I am sure he will tell me all about that also. He used to auto race with me back in the day. He said the RC stuff is a lot more cost efficient.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
Thunk outside the box. Maybe you won't play football anymore but if you still enjoy the sport overall there are other things you can do. If your kids enjoy it also you could even look at helping a school with the coaching. Maybe there are groups that just get together and watch or go to games. Just explore it some.

Finding others with the same passions could help you become more social naturally.

Rest of that with the racing and RC stuff is good, pursue it.

What else?


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
V
vise82 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
Hey Fogg,

I think I will just leave the football alone until the boys are old enough to play. With flag football they are right now. Maybe I should look into that.

Ok met with old friend. His attitude has change form being on the fence to saying W is evil. He must have made contact with my family as he said one of my sisters called him after the last visit. I have asked him not to let my family know we talked. He said that he my brother has remarried. My heart sank when I heard that. Brother did reach out last two summers ago and he was dating a girl who's parent were friends with my W parents. Not close but enough that they knew about the relationship with my brother and they did not tell me for months. When he reached out I left it up to W if we should meet with them. She didn't want to. This was months before BD.

Now I imaging they know about the wedding and have not told me again?

It was other wise a good meeting, showed all his RC stuff, he is really into it, even works part time at a hobby shop.

After I get home and all I could think about was W at the wedding, and who she was dancing with and worse. Literally our relationship was flashing before my eyes, all the old memories were right there in front of me. I never experienced anything like it. It was like it the MR was dying in front of me.

She did not call the day of the wedding like she said she would. I did not call her.

She called the next day when they were leaving. She said kids were a handful, S7 tells me they were the only kids there. What are they thinking inviting only our two and they did not invite any other kid. It was painful for my two boys, they said they were so board.

So I did not pursue and did not get angry, I let it go, and after dinner time and we were sitting on the couch before kids went to bed and W tells me she was going over to the gay neighbors house to show him wedding photos, I let that go too. Not saying my heart was not hurt by that, but I did not show her that it was.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
How did you feel about the RC stuff, it that something you could see yourself getting into?

Is there a possibility of reconnecting and healing the relationship with your family at some point in the future? Not that you have to, just curious if its something you would like to see happen. If it is, what might need to happen there for you to take some steps and feel comfortable with it.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
V
vise82 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
Hey Fogg,

The RC stuff was very interesting, Kind of expensive to start, I will see how it goes. It does seem like a good fit.

With my family it was hard after seeing my friend as he lives in the same city as most my family. It just feels like I am stuck in the middle, I stopped talking to my family because it was causing damage to my W and I and our family. I stopped talking to my family to save our family. Now W has broken our family up and her family is not doing things with me included now (wedding). I feel stuck in the middle with no family. I feel now I should have called her bluff and said no to not talking to my brothers and sisters. She should have never asked me to do that. But at the time it was them or her. And we had a 3 year old boy at the time.

This week the S agreement is going to be signed. I know its not the end of the MR but it feels like it.

Why would my W put me in this situation? If you love someone you don't ask then to stop talking to their family. Its all because they don't like her, they broke her hart. She so wanted them to like her but since day one, for what ever reason they didn't. W was asking me to fight for her against my family. To tell them with words where to go and how wrong they were about my W. I couldn't do that. I wanted to understand why they didn't like her, but never found out. The best I could do was walk away from them.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 986
O
otw Offline
Member
Offline
Member
O
Joined: Jul 2015
Posts: 986
I think two things here.
Get over her family thing and the wedding. It actually may have nothing to do with them. She could be saying you are not to be invited to these things. She could be making you the bad guy. Saying you don't want to go. Either way stop obsessing about it. She is their blood. She wins.

Your family. No question you reach out. DB them as well. Take things slow. Find out what the reasons were back then. Repair relationships.

If you want to wait until after agreement is signed then do that. I know you think she is going to try something if you contact them.

This is not the end for you. But it is happening you will be good


M 37
W 34

T 12
M 8
D 7
S 4

Need break 4/12/15
W no ring 7/7/15

Separate room 4/12/15
Separate living suggested 8/15
W moved out 11/1/15
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
J
J5K Offline
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
vise82,

Don't feel bad about not standing up for your W and fighting with your family. My family did not get along with W and vice versa. For some reason they were on different levels which I understood but could not control and get them to be very cordial. I stood up to my family that caused them to completely detach from me and now I am trying to mend fences with them. My W says I never did enough to defend her against them even though she was there for all the arguments I had with my family. Funny how history is rewritten.

You did what you thought was best.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
F
Member
Offline
Member
F
Joined: Feb 2015
Posts: 1,902
People don't do anything because of others, it's always self motivated. W didn't ask you to do anything becaue she didn't love you, she was thinking about herself and how she felt about the situation. I know it's difficult not to take it personal but her actions were about her, not you.

As for the family, I wanted to know if it's something you want to rebuild at some point. I understand there would be difficulties and the history is complicated. You personally, what would you like to see happen there and why. Keep the thought independent of how it effects W and the MR for now.


Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
V
vise82 Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
V
Joined: Aug 2015
Posts: 724
Hey thanks for all the replies,

For my parents no, I don't want to contact them, they directly caused a lot of pain, between my W an I, and between my brothers and I. They were master manipulators, taking advantage of anyone they could children or not.

For my brothers and sisters, some are ok some are clueless to what happened between my parents and everyone. Some are part of this because it wall all or no one. With so many of them you cant please them all but at family event all will be there.

Yes DBing is a must if I was to come back.

Right now is not the time.

I need to get to my own place settled, then maybe starting with one brother first, I will come back. But boundary's need to be there. The Kid that just took their crap as it came is no longer. I just remember it being so toxic. The back stabbing and talking behind peoples back was out of control.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
Page 8 of 11 1 2 6 7 8 9 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard