So I find myself just caring less everyday or maybe I don't. Is this detachment? I still want to look and check FB or log into game and see what she is doing, and I must admit sometimes I do. At first I stopped but then i checked once and after that I keep doing it. I need to stop, but just for whatever reason I feel like it is just validation when I see what she is doing. All the things I fear she is doing, she is. I tell myself that I need to move on. I know that I deserve better, and I doubt that she will ever be capable of doing the things or wanting to do the things I would need to trust her again.
I haven't really got that much spew from her, but the MIL recently gave me some. It was related to the recent reduction in financial support. She attacked me on so many levels, as a christian, father, person. It was all complete bull$#!& so I didn't really respond. My WW is so immersed in video games, she now has a job playing them for a living. Letting her go seems to be the only option. Maybe I am impatient, maybe just realistic. I think the only reason she hasn't filed yet is because her mother is saving up cash for a L (based off recent spew). Who knows. I have my trepidation's about filing because I know that my WW will use that as an excuse FOREVER. that I wanted this, that I did this. I guess she will probably continue to blame me for all the failure in our M either way, Even-tough she was the one having cyber sex with 1/2 the internet.
I love my boy's and i hold onto a miracle for them. I hold onto a complete 180 from my WW. I guess things would suck either way @ this point, so why try to change that (more limbo or D). I think I just need more GAL'ing. more distractions, more me for me.
Either way I will survive, but i just wish for my boys that they didn't have to come from a broken home. Although this time with her gone has made me see how strong they are. They hurt sometimes, but we are do GREAT and thriving without her. She is the one missing out.
Well, pretty much confirmed a PA. I think going out to dinner and some OM sleeping over pretty much confirms that for me. Not the guy from her EA, but someone from new job (maybe known him for 4 weeks and already shakin up. She didn't really even deny it. Strangely this feels more like a weight off my shoulders. I don't see the point in a Guccii style speech. Actions speak louder than words, right? I think a PA is a deal breaker for me. To be honest I wasn't sure before, but now I feel like I just need to move on, move forward, and release myself from the last 6 mo of insanity.
I don't think I would be able to get through this without my kids. They are my world, and I am strong for them. I am also building a world of my own. A world of "selfish" happiness. Happiness that is mine and mine alone. It sounds like your D is amazing, too. I have been praying for restoration of my family, and for this M to work. I also have prayed for a while that if a few specific things were true that they would be revealed to me, and to give me the strength to handle it. Well, less than 24 hours apart they were revealed to me as true. Don't ask for something if your not ready to know the answer, but I told God that this was to much of a burden for me to carry. There should be no secrets in prayer.
I will still continue to DB it terms of how I interact with W, and how I move forward in my life. Just because you give forgiveness doesn't mean it requires reconciliation. Forgiveness is for yourself not the offender.
I now see that a PA was a deal breaker for me, but before I knew of the PA, I wasn't really sure. How could anyone be before experiencing that, right? I love this forum and everyone on it. This has been such an amazing place to get advice, vent, whine, whatever. We all feel the same pain, but are in different stages of the process. We don't always get the same results but we all start at the same point, BD.
It is said that God works in mysterious ways. He may have other plans for you now due to the decisions of the WW.
I agree with you that forgiveness is for yourself more than the offender. It helps you heal and keeps the cancer of bad feelings out of the soul.
You will have the strength to do what you must, even if you have moments where you may falter. But we know it is those moments where when we push through that the strength is created.
You may be strong for your kids, but they will provide you with additional strength as you continue to improve upon the man that you are and the father that is there for them during this ordeal.
Know that you are in my prayers and that you have my support.
Me 46 Former W 46 D19 D7 BD Feb 2016 WAW moves out 4/16/16 D final 6/1/2017
It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
It is said that God works in mysterious ways. He may have other plans for you now due to the decisions of the WW.
Everyday she is more and more rebellious and obvious about what she is doing. Truly like a teenager. I have such respect for those that can push through this. i know this is very common, but the PA is just to much. She knows I know, and will never respect me if i just sit idly by. Plus she would need to make some SERIOUS changes. She is not the typical WW with temp check, or cake eating. She is going 100 mph in the other direction without any look back. Patience right? Not sure I have that. Her disregard for our kids is disgusting to me.
Originally Posted By: SadHub
You will have the strength to do what you must, even if you have moments where you may falter. But we know it is those moments where when we push through that the strength is created.
This is tough. I didn't post for awhile because I have felt the same. Then these things were revealed to me and I still kind of question myself, but I know I am ready to handle this sitch. I long for my W, but I know she is long gone. Will she come back? Maybe. She has a long way to fall before the bottom.
Originally Posted By: SadHub
You may be strong for your kids, but they will provide you with additional strength as you continue to improve upon the man that you are and the father that is there for them during this ordeal.
So true. They do give me so much strength.
Originally Posted By: SadHub
Know that you are in my prayers and that you have my support.
