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Phew! Ciluzen, your H certainly seems to still be on a huge roller coaster! What a change in behaviour from him asking you out for dinner only a few days before! I know exactly what you mean about not asking him for help. I am trying to do everything without asking for help from H. I don't want him to think I am helpless without him. The only thing that has come up so far that I couldn't do myself I got my Dad to help me instead.

I hear you on the major losses too. There is so much loss in these situations, of every kind. Maybe your H is suddenly realising the enormity of what he is losing. Up until now he has lost the house because he no longer lives in it, but it is not totally lost as he can still visit it. That is soon to change and it is probably making him think more than he is letting on.

Keep being the amazing person you are. You are doing so well.


M-43 H-42
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T-19 yrs
M-15 yrs
Bombshell 9/17/15
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ciluzen Offline OP
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Thanks, strength buddy. Your support on here is helping my PMA. I know I can get through this one way or another, but the times when I get stuck on H and mind reading or missing him...kinda tough.

He is all over the place. He is very good at putting on his mask and acting as if its all ok, even tells me he's fine when I ask if he's ok. And its believable. Maybe he really is. But then there are times like this weekend. My super spidey sense tells me he is upset (mad, sad, tired, preoccupied...one of those) but he is shut down and won't share with me. I'm back to being some BODY of no importance. His mask is off, but his jaw is clenched shut.

I guess I really am back to almost NC on workdays now. Got to go back to focusing on me again.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

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ciluzen Offline OP
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Just applied for community college. My next step after acceptance is to take the darn math placement test. Hopefully I can test out of that algebra class and just take statistics. I also need a psyche class. Crossing my fingers that I can do this over summer and be able to take my other prereq in the fall and then get my aps in for the masters programs.

The photo session for the house went well and the listing and slide shows look fantastic. It is beautiful, exciting, and makes my stomach churn. This is not how I want to leave this place, but it is what it is.

After thinking about it, I realized that H had no intention of coming out to work on the house on Sunday...he only came because I called to say I needed his help. Funny, I had told him I did the two days previous and he said he would. Did he forget?

He called from work last night to ask how the photo shoot went and seemed surprised when I told him the listing was live. He watched the slide show while I was on the phone and seemed excited. I asked if that was all he wanted and when he said yes, I wished him a good evening and hung up.

There really is no reason for him to come out anymore. I believe I can do everything else around here myself and will. I feel a bit better now that the race to put the house on the market is over. I can relax a bit, focus on my studying, go back to NC as much as I can, spend time with my friends and activities, and create the new transitory normal.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

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You are doing so well in spite of your situation. I think it's a very good idea to go to community college. Hopefully you will ace the math placement test and be on your way! This is a really nice goal for you to reach!

I'm glad the photo session went well. You've done the best you can and I'm sure the photos are amazing. No, your h didn't forget that you needed help. The guilt of seeing the home being put on the market and the clearing out of belongings may have been too much for him to bear. He can't face the fact that everything is just about to be completed and the home he knew will be gone in the future. On some level, he knows he's to blame and he does feel guilty about it.

If you can do the rest of the things yourself, then by all means do them. It will give you a sense of accomplishment when you tackle them and get them done. Just don't over do it!

Relax and enjoy the company of family and friends for a bit. You've accomplished so much on your own...you deserve a break!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Cil--so happy for you! You've come a long way, baby!


Me 47 H 49 S18 S15
M 21
BD #1 11/09/15 ILYBNILY
I believe we are Piecing 1/2/16
Suspect EA/PA? 2/28/16
BD #2 "He tried, but needs passion." 2/28/16
Confirm PA 3/11/16, he's leaving in June
H leaves 5/7/16
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ciluzen Offline OP
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Thanks Job & Mel. We have the first showing of the house tonight. Everyone is telling me how happy they are for me. But, to be honest, I am so sad. I love how beautiful and peaceful it is here. I knew we couldn'the grow old in this house...too much upkeep. But it drives home that I will be finding my own place, not "we". At least I will be busy GAL tonight.


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

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Ciluzen I'm so sorry you are going through this. I know how difficult it is as we just sold our home a few months ago. I"m glad you have plans tonight Sending you hugs. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Oh Ciluzen, I can only imagine how hard it must be to do this, I really feel for you. Such a sad, sad thing to do. Do you have to show the house yourself or is the agent doing that for you? I'm not sure I could do it myself when it's not a move made by choice.

I'm glad you have a GAL activity to do tonight to take your mind off it a bit. What is it that you're doing? Sending hugs strength buddy! IP


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How did the house showing go? Fingers crossed


Me 47 H 49 S18 S15
M 21
BD #1 11/09/15 ILYBNILY
I believe we are Piecing 1/2/16
Suspect EA/PA? 2/28/16
BD #2 "He tried, but needs passion." 2/28/16
Confirm PA 3/11/16, he's leaving in June
H leaves 5/7/16
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ciluzen Offline OP
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Apparently very well...good feedback. Loved the house, but too much landscaping. They wanted acreage with less upkeep (oxymoron?). Another showing tomorrow, though. Fingers crossed here, too. Thanks for checking!


M-51 H-54
2D-27 and 25
M-26 yrs
Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15
He moved out 10-3-15
D filed 1-27-16
D final 10-27-16

Kindness, kindness, kindness.
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