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Cherry, your H is so different than mine. My H was all out for a year, temp checked for 1-2 weeks, and now has been all in for a year. In some ways better than before because he has really worked on himself and made changes.

I cannot imagine being with him while he waffled and yo-yo'd--that must be so frustrating! ... I just can't help but think if he knew he was really losing you, and moving on, and getting NO BO-TY, NONE, and then had to stew in that fear for awhile, maybe just maybe he would do the 180. ... Have you ever dropped the rope? (and then left it on the floor for an extended period of time).

I hope you are enjoying your bday and not only thinking about him! Too bad you can't jump on another flight and disappear for a few...

-Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
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It is frustrating because you feel neither here nor there. Sort of, last year he told me he needed to make a decision between me and ow. And right there, I kinda lost it and layed down a heavy boundary that if he chooses her over me- that's it. I will not be a friend, I will be civil for the sake of our child, but that is it. He seemed to live in this idea I would remain living with him after D.

Once he saw that look in my eyes that that would be it, he went and finished with the ow. And he was all in for months, until he flickered out.

I'm trying to, but not going to lie- even my upbeat self can't be bothered today. I feel tired of it and fairly down. I feel like I should feel these emotions and ride them out rather than bottle them.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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Ride them out, just make sure that he's not there. When you see him, make like nothings happened and you are going on like its just another day in the year. Painful, but sometimes you can't fight the pain.


Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
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Cherry Offline OP
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Yeah ddj you're right, while he isn't here I shall ride it out. It's silly because it is another day in the year, and whilst I thought I had no expectations- I must of had a few. Maybe even that he actually knew when my birthday is


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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I forgot my WWs birthday once, it was 2 months after her moms death, so I guess that I have to be excused for that. He does have alot on his mind. But thats not your problem. LOL

Buy a small cake and celebrate your birthday for you, even if that includes tears.


Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
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Hi Cherry. Happy Birthday you!

Definitely let yourself feel whatever you are feeling. Acknowledge it, know that it is normal for you to feel this way, and know that you are a whole, unbroken human being. You are in an incredibly difficult and painful situation, and bottling up your emotions will lead to more pain down the road. Obviously your tears and feelings aren't for your H. He has violated your trust and no longer deserves to see your vulnerability, but you need to let your emotions out or they will harm you. I bottled mine for months, burying them under false hopes, and that almost destroyed me. Aknowledging the depth of my own grief and starting to feel it and learning about it has helped me so much. Feel your emotions and allow them to pass through you.

I'm sorry that H can't get his head out of the hole it's in long enough to realize how good he has it. I know how much you long to be close to him, and you know that I caved on this front with my own H last month so I'm not judging at ALL, but perhaps it's time to stop granting him access? Intimacy is a privilege within a loving relationship, and I don't see that he's living up to his side of the bargain.

(((Cherry)))


H: 44, Me: 45
Married: 20 y Together: 25 y
no kids
Walk away: 12/15
Asked for temp separation 12/25/15
PA confirmed 3/16 (apparently neither the first, nor the last PA he has had)
H filed for D 5/16
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Happy birthday, gorgeous! Am I late? Damn time difference.

(((Cherry)))

I agree with the rest. Ride it out but act civil in front of H. I hope you'll have/ you've had a great time.


You can call me Dory/ Grl.

As a wise fish once sang,"Just keep swimming!"

It's no use to go back to yesterday because I was a different person then.
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Cherry Offline OP
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Phoebe you are so right, it is a privilege and unless he wants all of me, he shouldn't get any of me.

Up and out today, things to do. Let him see me bright and breezy, feel like I need to get these tears out but I can't quite do it.

I am angry, but I think it's the White anger,, because I know I'm worth more. As he lay there last night, I watched him. But in the "you know what, maybe you aren't all that". The loving, caring sweet man has gone. This is not the same person.

He went out to work and told me he's going out with some buddies after work. I said okay, quite breezily. I don't think that was faked. Yes I'm annoyed that maybe he should of been trying to arrange a way to make it up to me. But that's what maybe I want, not him. But the other part of me thinks, if he had suggested something, I probably would of declined. I don't want someone spending time with me because they feel obliged to. I am worth more than that, some people actually want to spend time with me because they love me.

It's hard really knowing what is the right thing to do. So journaling my thoughts.


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,056
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Just do something Cherry, it will all fall into place.


Just cos things are going right, doesn't mean that they were always wrong.
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Cherry Offline OP
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Hmm you're right ddj. Getting out doing something will help me. Why should he get all the fun. Might try and get a sitter and glam up and spend the evening with a girlfriend


Me 26 H 25
M 4
T 5
Baby born 4/14
BD: 1/15
EA: 2/15
PA: 4/15
reconciling: 4/15
ILYBINILWY- 11/15
ILY-1/16
ILYBNILWY 4/16
ILY 6/16
ILYBINILWY 6/16
Baby due 3/17
BD 8/16
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