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Melo my man: I have no advice to give you. After reading your post a couple of times it sounds a little messy. No matter what you can't possibly think of all the reactions that can come from all of the people involved.

So keep your head down, stick to your plan and always look before you leap. We all want to shake the WW/WAW out of their fog - but the one thing we know from the posts is - they will come out when they experience a loss and/or have an alternative. Not before.


M:50
W:53
MR:20
D:21
S:17
S:11
BD-Sept 2015
Suspected PA Sept 2015-Confronted W & OM Dec 2015
Actually EA
In house Sep:Jan/16-May 2016
W moved out:May 22 2016
OM-Intro Oct/17-On scene July/Aug 2017
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Melo Offline OP
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Had another R conversation with W this morning. I hate these because nothing really gets resolved, she just spews her anger and I validate and then we agree to disgree...everytime. This time was a little bit different, she said that she has moved on, she has many friends that she spends time with, she has her private life and when she thinks about going back to the M we had before she shuts down because she hated it. I agreed, I hated it too and I told her if she wants to live separately so be it, fine with me. She said we couldn't afford it (it's true for the most part). She then said that what happened between us is just sad. She said she isn't angry anymore, just hurt because she never thought we would have gotten to this place...but there was too much emptiness between us and even hanging out as a family is uncomfortable (she got all teary-eyed) I validated and said that I understand and feel the same way. Man that $ucked and we will probably have round 2. I pursued a bit too much I think (body language was me with arms crossed, kinda followed her around as she was walking and talking) and nothing really got resolved


M:37 W:38
D:11,S:7,S:4
T:8, M:5
S:6/1/15 different beds
Physical Seperation 7/5/16
Startof NC 7/22/16
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I agree biz, I was thinking that maybe if I approach OMW the right way I could help them save their M as well. Neither M has a good chance of surviving if this continues. I will contact OMW tomorrow and talk to her about both situations, see where she's at and see how much she knows, if anything. I know I would want to know if it were me. I will pray on it and see.


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T:8, M:5
S:6/1/15 different beds
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Oh and I signed up for Krav Maga classes, I start next week!


M:37 W:38
D:11,S:7,S:4
T:8, M:5
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Originally Posted By: Melo
I agree biz, I was thinking that maybe if I approach OMW the right way I could help them save their M as well. Neither M has a good chance of surviving if this continues. I will contact OMW tomorrow and talk to her about both situations, see where she's at and see how much she knows, if anything. I know I would want to know if it were me. I will pray on it and see.


I think it's a good idea, the OMW has the right to know.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
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Thanks CWOL, I know you did some exposing as well and while it doesn't always work out the way we want, at least we don't have to wonder what if.
My W did say something interesting which resonated with me and my level of DBing or lack thereof. She said that she moved on and then said "I don't know if you have or if you are still stuck there (in the past)" aka you haven't detached and you are still the same person I seperated from. I gotta step my game up.


M:37 W:38
D:11,S:7,S:4
T:8, M:5
S:6/1/15 different beds
Physical Seperation 7/5/16
Startof NC 7/22/16
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Originally Posted By: Melo
Thanks CWOL, I know you did some exposing as well and while it doesn't always work out the way we want, at least we don't have to wonder what if.


Exactly. I wanted to make sure no stone were left un-turned. My WW was so absolute in her desire to D it really left me no choice. Who knows, it may all work out in the end, it is still early in the D.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 276
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Feeling kinda emotional today. I just cried thinking about S7. I was humming one of hiseveral favorite cartoon shows songs and then started imagining him trying to wrap his head around Mommy not loving Daddy anymore. I mean he still believes in Santa, losing Daddy half the time would rock his world. There will definitely be some innocence lost. My D11, who isn't biologically mine, but I love her like she is, would definitely see me less and my S4 who has autism will definitely be affected by moving from house to house. I need to do some more DBing so that I don't regret anything later on.


M:37 W:38
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S:6/1/15 different beds
Physical Seperation 7/5/16
Startof NC 7/22/16
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Hey Melo,

Hang in there. feel it acknowledge it and let the sadness go. It will come and go.

I have been there. I have a S7 and S4 as well. They have no idea really what its going to be like and I dont even know how it will be. There is no point thinking about it too much. focus on today if you can.


Me late 30's
W mid 30's
T 15, M 10
S4, S7
ILYBNILWY June 2015
In house S July 2015
W rings off Oct 2015
My ring off Feb 2015
Separate houses June 2016
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Hi melo,

Listen to vise. Stay in today and that helps. Looking to far forward creates anxiety and to many unknowns. Being the best father you can be is in your control, and today is the day to focus on that.

You have been on a tough road, and you have been doing some great things. As vise mentions, acknowledge the sadness, let it pass, and then stay in the moment and control what you can control. You.

Have a peaceful evening and give those kids a big hug when you seem them next. That always creates a joyful feeling for us dads.


Me 46 Former W 46
D19 D7
BD Feb 2016
WAW moves out 4/16/16
D final 6/1/2017

It's time for me to start changin' the way I look at the world......and at myself. ~James Howlett aka Wolverine
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