Make sure you do all the math on home ownership. It can be a beneficial move but when your life is so unsettled it can also be a problem.
You said house payment would be half as much as rent? Are you including taxes and insurance in that amount? What about budgeting for house maintenance and repairs? After you put money as down payment on the house, will you actually have enough savings to handle the big emergencies? What if the roof leaks or you need a new water heater?
There are calculators online that can help you figure out whether renting or buying would be better for you. My boyfriend rent an apartment nearby, it's expensive (he can't live with me right now). It has idly crossed my mind that I could buy a condo that he could rent from me, as an investment. Principle and interest on a 2 bedroom condo would be about half of what he and his roommate pay in rent. But when you add in taxes, insurance, condo fees, money for maintenance and repairs.... It is actually more expensive than renting.
And for you, unless you are positive that you will stay in this area for at least five years .....it may not make sense.
I have auto rejected his calls and he message asking to speak to the boys and i had them call. He told them he wanted to talk to me but i just disconnected and texted him. He wanted me to go back to the same therapist...yeah no. I gave him the name of the lady that is putting a referral through the VA. Honestly I am not really interested in us anymore..Having the counselor threaten my S's and him not say anything has been a big slap of the wtf am i fighting for? It made me remember all those nights I cried myself to sleep because he was just numb. Sleeping alone is better than being lonely with someone right next to me. I guess i will go so i can set childcare boundaries with him and such but this week i have officially pulled the plug on situation with a dnr order attached.
This weekend i have a retreat i will be attending for wives with ptsd spouses. It is a healing/faith retreat.
The retreat sounds great, you should find some support there.
I think you're wise to drop the rope, you can't help him if he won't get help. If he'll go to the VA therapist with you, fine. Be sure to mention you believe he has PTSD and you're concerned about guns with the kids. Start the ball rolling on seeing a divorce attorney and protecting yourself financially. A good divorce attorney will also help you if there is any legal recourse re: your husband and the kids.
I also agree. The retreat sounds like a great support system and you'll meet some new people who will become a lifeline for you in the days ahead.
Dropping the rope is the best way to go. Until he's really ready to listen and get the much needed help he needs, he'll continue to flounder in deep water. The most important thing is to take care of you and your children. Nothing else matters in the world but protecting yourself and your children.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm also very sorry that you had such a horrible experience with your marriage therapist. Sadly, not all marriage therapists are created equal.
Enjoy the weekend retreat for wives with ptsd spouses. I should be enormously supportive.
Knowing what to do and what not to do at this point is crucial. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
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I will be leaving on my solo road trip to the retreat in a few hours. Needless to say I am nervous. I do not know the area and do not know anyone there...carpe diem right? My sister is staying with the kids until H gets here. I am nervous about leaving them..S11 is mad at his dad and is trying to stay with friends rather than at home. He is mad that dad is always angry and makes him cry everytime he sees him. How sad is that? My poor kiddo loves his dad soo much and his dad is killing his love. S17 has prom Sat and I will miss it wahhh, Just a month and a half and he graduates,,,phewwww was worried that wouldn't happen considering how much he used to hate it here, Oh and update, he has decided to enlist into the reserves and do bootcamp then go to college. Wish me luck. I never go anywhere because to be honest I do not trust my H and his rage. This is a big 180 for me. Please pray he will be able to keep it together for the boys.
Well guess who flaked??? MLC wins again. His stuff is more important than my stuff. Even though i gave him a month notice...The boys(the youngest ones) were so excited dad was coming to watch them. He kept throwing in my face that i never left him in charge of the kids and did things for myself...gee i wonder why
Too Bad H i am going despite of you...Luckily my sister said she had already made plans to be available because she assumed H was going to do this...ding ding ding
My retreat was AMAZING!!! I have never felt soo good after anything as much as with this. I prayed. I cried. I laughed and i was loved. It was so liberating to say here is my H ...he is your responsibility now god. Noe mine. I cannot save him only you can. H showed up on saturday and left yesterday night after watching a movie with me. It is just weird all around but it was peaceful. He tried to push my buttons but i just let it slide.He keeps saying everything is not him..everyone else is wrong...i just let it go...it is not my circus. I made a good amount of friends this weekend who really took good spiritual care of me..
I'm so happy to read that the retreat was amazing for you. Isn't it nice to walk away from something like this and feel great? Try to remember this...you didn't break him, therefore you can't fix him. He has to fix and/or save himself. The only person that you have any control over is YOU!
Stay in touch w/your new friends as you walk life's path. They will be more than happy to support you.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Still riding the high from my retreat. I paid off bills and bought my mom a ticket to come see her first Grandchild graduate from high school. I am currently looking for a place to move into at the end of july ..not sure about buying yet..still thinking about it. Work is going good. Some busy days and some slow molasses days. I am reading a book given to me at the retreat and i like it..it is about the power of being a praying wife. Kids are doing better in school and things are getting better day by day. All in all i am at peace
As for the VA H has not reached out to them. Still following his timeline.. i am in no rush either way. I can survive without him.
I have actually been contemplating moving closer to where the retreat was and getting good spiritual support system going but it is too much change too soon for the kiddos...down the line i would love to. Have a little house on some land and have goats
