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Hi Mleigh

Hope to hear an update from you soon.

Hugs
Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Hello and Happy 4th!

Nice to hear from you guys and Irish, thanks for checking in smile

At H recommendation, I put little clippy locks on the backyard gates. I haven't had any problems so far.

MIL contacted me via email last week listing all the days she can do a Grammy day with S. I called her out and asked what happened on Friday? She replied saying she did not recall saying she would get him on Friday. I have the text! She also added that she had missed a breakfast date with a friend so she could be wrong....So we decided to just keep it on Thursdays. She is obviously having memory issues and changing the day seems to throw her off. Some of S summer camp field trips fall on Thursdays so she will just lose her Grammy day if that is the case. I alerted H that his mom is forgetting things again, I let him know about the Friday, I figured he would want to know. He said he would be happy to help with giving her reminders. I let him know I would be reminding her the nights before Grammy day and would include him in the loop.

As far as H...contact remains rare but positive. I saw him at drop off on Monday, then no contact all week. On Friday, I got a TM from him. It was a link to a reggae cruise, with my favorite band on board, along with some great others, happening next year. He added "hmmmm??" I was at work and it totally shocked me. Is he inviting me on a cruise? We joked at work, a bit fast moving! I just wanted dinner! Lol. I replied I am in! However, it falls on S 10th birthday, so may not be happening, but a very thoughtful gesture from H.

Later that night S and I bought a pack of fireworks and sent H a picture asking if he was ready for craziness. They are safe and sane fireworks, only thing legal here and very tame, but H throws us a show every year and I really do love it smile H replied definitely and that he wanted to bring the drone over during the weekend to do a test run for the firework show that we have in town.

He brought it over Saturday night and flew it over our friends house nearby. A fun way to say hi, lol. He brought up the cruise and said he figured I would be concerned with the smoking, as reggae and that go hand in hand, however we don't smoke. I told him that actually doesn't bother me, I was fine with it at the festival, but missing S big 10 would. He agreed.

Sunday, I decided to do a little test. I wanted to take S and dog on a hike at a nearby county park. so I reached out and invited H. He said to let him know what time we were going. When I did, he said he was not able to make it, but maybe we could do dinner at my favorite place. I said ok, that I couldn't find anyone to go with us hiking, so if we disappear, he knows where we are. He said not to say that and to let him know when we got home.

Me, S and dog headed out and got stuck in a standstill traffic jam caused by construction work on a two lane highway up the mountain. After 45 minutes of sitting, and dog and S whining, I turned around and went a back road. That included a dirt road through the mountains, sometimes down to 1 lane, and required 4 wheel drive, but I did it!! S did not like it and got a little freaked out by the cliff drops on the side, but I assured him it would be ok. We made it to the park and had a nice walk. It was a little hairy, but having S full attention and conversation for 3 whole hours, with no gaming, was priceless.

I got some great pictures and sent them to H when we got home. He said he was happy that he didn't need to send the drone looking for us.

After a few hours, dinner time came and went, and no word from H. I finally TM him that we were hungry, what were his plans? I am testing reaching out, to see how that goes. H replied saying he didn't realize I wanted to do dinner because I didn't reply to his suggestion and that he had snacked, then suggested bringing over prime rib for the 4th. I got a little irritated and called him out on flaking today. I told him to just admit if he is being a couch potato. He replied it's the opposite, that he spent the day getting rid of weeds and was now working on a tool box he got. So I said, you passed on hiking with your S for weeds? He didn't like that. He outlined his day, with times, asked if that was ok, then ended with asking what time he should be over the next day with the prime rib. He added angry emoji, which made me laugh.

Next thing you know, we are sending goofy face emoji, animal emoji, dumb stuff back and forth. I was cracking up, it really broke the ice, it felt good, and I realized how stupid the whole argument was. So it ended on happy notes and a plan to have prime rib today.

So, my test results are this.....I am not ready to be reaching out with invites if I am still not ready for it not to happen. I am still taking it very personal. In my mind, he is not a man who wants to save his marriage or family, or is he? He has done his own reaching out. He invited me swimming with him and S last week, and I chose not to, and he didn't have a fit about it like I did yesterday. IDK, I feel like if we don't start reconnecting, it's never going to happen.

Day by day, breath by breath, I am looking inward for answers. The other day, I had a mini meltdown. It was Thursday night, S was with H and I was feeling emotional and lonely. I looked up some dating sites. I was looking at the sites, at all the faces smiling, and it did not feel right. I am still married for Pete's sake, I thought. So then I googled, how to know when you are ready for divorce....two sites recommended a book called too good to leave, too bad to stay. I purchased it.....then starting realizing I didn't want to spend anymore time or money on trying to make a decision on my own. H and I went into this together, we will go out of it together. He is not off the hook on this....so I cancelled the order. So I had myself a good cry! It has been so long since I had, and it felt really good. So it got real quiet and I opened up my mind and asked, what now? Loud and clear, the word FAITH came into mind. Then, have faith, the answers will come.....it brought me back to peace.

The next day was when I got the cruise info from H. So, my door and heart are open. Either H will walk in, or someone else will. I am back to letting it all unfold, I need to stop trying to control it. I need to just have faith.

I will let you know how today and tonight go. I am looking forward to good food and fireworks.

Happy 4th to everyone, hope you have a happy day!


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Hi Mleigh

hope you had a great fireworks night and 4th of July :-)
I was down there for Canada day (July 1st)

you looking on dating sites is normal. You are at a stage when you are starting to look out for you and your needs. You not pursuing it just means you are not ready. I know you've hearing it over and over. Your marriage is over , at least the one you once new. If you start a new relationship with your H. It will be a new one.

Glad your gate issue is fixed.

I have a drone myself. they are pretty cool :-)

hugs

Irish


M51
XW43 (38 at bd)
BD1 MAY 30 2015
BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
moved out Aug 2 2015
left both Daughters 13 and 15 (now 18-20)
Her divorce Final July 26 2016
Last time she saw her kids Aug 2 2015
Joined: Jan 2014
Posts: 1,447
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mleigh4 Offline OP
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Hi Irish, yes, dating and talking online sounded like a great idea until I tried. lol. I guess we are part of the science experiments in this process. No I am not ready for that.

Just a quick update as H has been active in my world the last few days.

4th of July was a really good time. H and I decided dinner time would be at 6:30, so he was due to show up around 4:30 or so. I don't hold my breath with timeframes as H has terrible time management skills these days. Around 4:00, my girlfriend came by to visit and H showed up shortly after. Her husband ended up coming over, a dropped friend of H who misses him dearly, and we all enjoyed a delicious meal of prime rib. H also brought dessert and a good chardonnay for me, very thoughtful. I apologized to H in private for the unexpected guests, they did not know about our plans, but H said it was fine. To be honest, these friends have been good to me these past years and I enjoyed having them. S hung out and played right along with us, we all hung out in my backyard, and everyone, including H, commented how nice and relaxing it was. My upcoming beach house trip came up and I reminded H he was welcome to come.

After dinner, we all went to friends house to watch the local fireworks. H was able to see their newly built home for the first time. S was snuggled up with H all night, I got a very cute pic of them together with fireworks in the background.

The next morning, I sent H the pic. He replied with a big happy face.

Later in the day, he texted asking for the beach house dates. He wants to come smile

This morning, he sent me TM to say thank you for inviting him. He said he has enjoyed the time all of us have spent together recently and hoped I have also. I replied that yes, I have.

I am feeling a little shift going on since he vented at me for 2 hours during our talk. It seems getting that all off of his chest has helped him. I hope to possibly talk a bit more, if the time seems right, during our trip....all I know is our friendship is growing and the awkwardness is fading. Slow, slow slow feels the way to go. And all I am doing is just being me and continue to keep moving forward. Well, the new me. A kinder, calmer, more open me.

GAL activities continue. I have dinner plans with a friend tomorrow. Movie with S either Friday night or Sunday, we will invite H too. S is dying to see "the secret lives of pets". Saturday night I am going to a local comedy play, I was able to round up friends and all my co-workers. We will have a blast and I am so looking forward to it!

I need to catch up on posts here, I am wishing well for all smile


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Mleigh, you sound great! I’m glad you and your son had a wonderful 4th of July! Of course your house and your back year are very mice and relaxing, LOL! I wonder when your H will “truly” realize it!!! I can almost feel it when you say that “our friendship is growing and the awkwardness is fading”!

Keep doing what you are doing. You will be the one to ultimately decide if you want any of this or not. I’m very excited for you! One way or another, you will be fine. You are a great catch, mleigh! Remember that!


M:50
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S28 (my S from previous marriage)
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BD: 06/12
S: 06/12 - H works in another state
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Bright, thank you for such a sweet post! Things just keep moving along....

Last Saturday I took S to drop off with H. S brought his swim trunks and told H he wanted to go swim at papa's. He is loving swimming this summer! H was ecstatic and said sure, then asked if I wanted to come. I told him I couldn't, that friends were showing up soon and we were all going to a play downtown. As I drove away, I felt like I sensed a little bit of hurt feelings from H. Maybe it's time to start inviting him to things like this.... later that night he TM that he got the time off to join us at la casa en el mar smile

I went to the play that night and had a great time, but stayed up way too late. I was really tired on Sunday, but we decided to meet up for the movie S wanted to see. I struggled to stay awake and made it! Lol. I took S home with me after and H said he would come by later to bring dog home, which he did. The vibe between us remains very friendly and relaxed.

Monday morning he TM that he had an early morning meeting on Friday and asked if ok to bring S home Thursday night after dinner, unless I wanted to meet up for dinner? I told him I would love dinner, that I could meet up after a quick work mixer at a local winery.

He replied great, then added the weekend couldn't come soon enough, and that he bought a bunch of beach toys for our trip.

We continue text exchange daily, all through the week, along with a countdown towards vacation.

Thursday night came and H chose to meet at our all-time favorite place we always used to go to. We met up and had a great dinner, along with S, and we all talked and talked and eventually were almost the last people there. It got late really fast!

Friday at 5 I sent him a TM of a happy vacation! He replied with a big finally followed with about 20 different emoji's of food, drinks and beach stuff.

At 9:00 this morning he TM asking what time we leave tomorrow and what food to bring. Lol. I think he is more excited than me! We decided to go shop together before leaving.

Overall, our communication remains light and fun. I like this H! We are getting along well and I have a feeling we will have a good time. I am keeping my expectations at fun only and hope for our friendship to continue to grow. So far no real sparks between us, more of a safe comfortable feeling. I am enjoying that after these last few years and feel no need to push, rush or even try to figure out what is happening. I feel a great peace that things are playing out the way they should, whatever that may be.

Now, to get myself moving because I have a lot to get done before leaving and feel very lazy! Wishing you all well.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
Joined: Oct 2014
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You sound great MLeigh!! And I'm pleased to read about the positive interactions with your H....I hope you all enjoy your mini-break grin xx


T 13 M 7
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D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Sounds like everyone is ready for the mini vacation break! Enjoy your time away and leave the MLC thoughts at home, and keep the expectations at zero. Just go and have fun.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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mleigh4 I hope your vacation goes really, really well. You sound great and it's good to see that your interactions with your H are positive.

Enjoy the vacation!


Me: 59 and holding
H: :53
Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown
M: 19
T: 23
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Hope you are having a great vacation! Wishing you great moments!


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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