I have been to counselling and read and am reading every self help book, I have two jobs and trying my best to keep it together. Wife does not wear her ring and , I was embarrassed the other night that my son heard me crying on the couch and I sent him back to bed. I barely made it to work today, and constantly wonder what my wife is thinking or doing. She also sends me mixed messages sometimes when she is feeling up. And then its back to the same, mind my business, she is not a "teenager" and to give her space. She said she wants a divorce, and will be moving out in a few months, but wants to still have the family vacation we take every year.It feels like it is a roller coaster. I am giving her space in the house, but still find it odd, and need to stop the pursuit, especially when she starts to be nice and cold the next.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support). Especially on this Newcomers forum, where the posting activity is very active, and your posts can quickly fall to the bottom of the page or even several pages down. Keep journaling and asking questions - people will come! Most important - POST!
Get out and Get a Life (GAL). DETACH.
Believe none of what he or she says and half of what he/she does.
Have NO EXPECTATIONS.
Take care of yourself, breathe, eat, sleep, exercise.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
Here are a few links to threads that will help you immensely:
This is the worst roller coaster ride ever. Sorry to see that you're on it. But what can we do? Try to make the ride as smooth as possible!
Have you found any of the self-help books helping you? Which ones?
Has your wife filed for a divorce? Or simply said she wants one? Is there a plan in place for what happens with the kids when she moves out?
You definitely need to stop focusing on her and focus on yourself. What are you doing for yourself (besides reading)? Are you involved with any activities?
The best advice I've been given on here is, do something different. Thanks to the folks on this thread I've taken up running/walking. I get to get out, put my headphones on, rock out and not worry about all the crap.
Also, like Cadet says, she gave you the gift of time. Who knows, a pause may be good. Just treat this like a break for you to work on you to be the best you that you can be.
We're all here for you and wishing you the best.
M:36 W:31 D:12 M: 8/9/10 ILYBNILWY/"want space": 2/14-ish/16 W moved out 5/24/16.
What the ages of you and wife? It helps to have more information about the history of the MR.
Does your W hold down a FT job? Why are you working two jobs?
If she leaves your home & marriage, and tears apart the family.........why does she think she should still be included in the family vacation? That is pretty big cake eating!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I just bought the Divorce Busting book. No in January this year she said she was going to get papers, now she said she is moving out in October. The plan she said is when I am working my second job, which is two or three times a week at night, she will come to my place and watch the kids. I didn't think that far,truthfully I have been trying to not think about. I just started to , this week, visit friends, but I would like to join the gym again, I go to work and home, and sometimes work home and then my part time job.
Last edited by Cadet; 04/27/1610:04 AM. Reason: Book mention not allowed as per forum agreement
You nailed it when you said this feels like a roller coaster. I agree with Sandi regarding cake eating and the family vacation.
You are at a very fragile point in this relationship and it would be extremely helpful to know what your next move should be. Feel free to give me a call at 303-444-7004 to discuss how we can best help you determine what to do next.
Cristy Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004
A Divorce Busting Coach can help you save your marriage, even when your spouse wants out.
Email virginia@divorcebusting.com or 303-444-7004 for more information or to get started right away.
Just keep POSTING and one other bit of advice from Wonka that I totally agree with.
Originally Posted By: Wonka
Get DR/DB book. Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
We have seen too many Marriages blow up in pieces after the WAS discovers the DB site or DR book. Why is that? It is because the WAS thinks, erroneously I might add, that you are "manipulating" them back into the M.
Keep the DR book and DB site very close to your vest.
