Jazz good work, you're doing great! I Think you can already see a change in her so keep up what you're going.
However, to me it still seems like she's trying to draw you back in and cake walk.
Remember that detaching is more for you than it is for the R. While the first couple of weeks of detaching were extremely difficult for me, my head started to clear and peace entered my mind body and soul.
Also remember that going dark doesn't eclipse (pardon the analogy) your obligation to respond to her in a reasonably timely fashion when it's about kids and maybe finances. I give myself a 3h turnaround time for kids and 24h for financials.
Keep up the good work brother!
Me37 W33 T:8 M:5 D3 BD 11/2015 EA+PA w boss 12/2015 S 3/2016
Im stronger because I had to be Im smarter because of my mistakes happier because of the sadness Ive known and now wiser because I learned
Just keep to the boundaries that work for you. If her calling daily is setting you back as her to e-mail or text you. Don't pick up if she doesn't comply.
Good luck brother.
Me37 W33 T:8 M:5 D3 BD 11/2015 EA+PA w boss 12/2015 S 3/2016
Im stronger because I had to be Im smarter because of my mistakes happier because of the sadness Ive known and now wiser because I learned
Mother's day was interesting. I had her over at my place where the kids were for a short time. She tried texting OP, I told her she could leave if she wanted to talk to him. She stopped. Had a decent time. She loved the card the kids and I made for her, and the trays I made out of her mom's rose petals that our son tore up. Had a brief tense discussion that involved OP, but I killed it quick with "how about we don't ever mention him again in my home." At the end of it, I told her family day wasn't going to be a thing, because I am exploring being myself without her, and that things like family day don't fit in with that. Otherwise, was nice and relaxing.
Divorce proceeding was today. Went smooth. After having been mostly dark except on mother's day, I actually flipped things and was very flirty with her. She rubbed my back on the way out, and then at the car, she came in to hug me. I put her arms under mine, and she got in close and said I love you, I paused, and said I love you, too. When we pulled apart, I kissed her on the cheek by her mouth, and she said I love you again. Then I walked away, asked her if my moustache was too bushy, and she said no.
So, divorce will probably be final in 3 weeks when a judge signs it, but she's starting to ebb back towards being free and fun with me.
In the meantime, I'm having a good time GAL'ing. Working out, playing on the beach, sometimes out for a drink with some friends or family. Still not easy all the time... but it's getting easier. Been on a couple dates now. Not really ready for it, but thought I'd give it a try just to see how it feels. It feels deceitful, but these aren't ending in sex. They're just having fun. It doesn't need to get that personal.
So... I'm finally winding down to I think I need to just get over her. I'm still working the process... but the divorce is about to be final. I'm tired of hurting, though. Going to completely detach, and go into 30 days of pure darkness. I can't tolerate the roller coaster, and I deserve better than to be a backup plan.
well, going completely dark has definitely stirred something, but who knows what. She got super angry at first, and now she's doing little "funsie" type things to try and get me talking again. Holding my tickets "hostage until her friend comes back," liking stuff on my FB, sending me pics of her and her bosses at a convention, etc.
Interesting stuff. I'm still thinking and worrying way too much about what she's doing, though.
Learning kids songs on guitar for my kids. School. Working out. Going out with friends. Hanging with family when I can. For the most part I'm able to ignore her in my thoughts, but there are times when I can't, especially when I'm with my kids and I can't help but think how great it'd be to have their mom their to help so I could take my son into the water to teach him to surf, or skate, or to just hang with my daughter and read a bunch of books with her while he played with his mom. And of course late at night when I realize there's no one there beside me, when every day for 5 years she was there.
