Recap: BD 2/9 when I found out about OM and WW making out. Did lots of stupid, non DB things. Moved out around 3/15, own apartment around 4/1. Divorce papers filed and divorce going through on 5/11.
omw, I you're right, and I didn't think you were dogging me. I'm just tired of the fight right now. Going to keep GAL'ing and pushing forward, but I make lots of mistakes and the heartache is a lot.
I have two weeks to go dark on her and see if that reverses the decision for divorce. During that time I have to GAL and really, truly move on, so that if/when the divorce really happens, she understands that I'm no longer there. So that I can accept it and no longer be there.
I love her, and not being with her hurts every day, but I won't have someone in my life who will cheat on me and then divorce me. Things weren't perfect, and in the last year were awful, but you work with people to get them changed, you don't just bail on them when something shiny and new comes along.
Things weren't perfect, and in the last year were awful, but you work with people to get them changed, you don't just bail on them when something shiny and new comes along.
That's the way it was in my sitch, and i totally agree.
I have two weeks to go dark on her and see if that reverses the decision for divorce. During that time I have to GAL and really, truly move on, so that if/when the divorce really happens, she understands that I'm no longer there. So that I can accept it and no longer be there.
I think you're back on the right track. What have you set up for yourself to ensure that you stay on track? My suggestion, no more lunches or being overly friendly. She needs to know what it's going to be like to not be married to you. Otherwise, she's going to think she can have you (parts that she wants) and OM at the same time. Make plans for yourself and stick with them. Even if it's watching a movie at home at a certain time/day!
I had the same experience of things not going well and my ex left for the next shiny new thing... they didn't last either!
We've all made a lot of mistakes, sir. And we will continue to, because we are human and it involves someone who was our world. I'm afraid to say the heartache will remain for a long, long time. It's been over a year since BD and with divorce imminent, it isn't getting any easier. Some days just plain suck.
I am not sure you'd two week time frame of going dark on her is enough - or it may not matter at all. I thought the same thing when my W moved to her new base., but it proved the opposite. Instead of missing me and us, it had the opposite effect on my W. She went "wild." Came back recently with three new tattoos (never wanted any more the 10years we were together) and like a whole new behavior.
The only thing we can do is take care of ourselves. Unfortunately, that is much easier said than done.
There are moments in this life when you are so confident in the rightness of your actions, that not even for a second do you consider the option that you might be wrong.
During the last week, when I've actually avoided conversation with her and managed to stay relatively dark, she's shifted from wanting almost nothing to do with me to "I miss the kids and we stopped being romantically involved a long time ago, I miss our time together and you were my best friend and that I went to you with everything first."
So I know there's something in there missing me and us (and obviously, the other guy isn't filling that void or she wouldn't bring it up). Two weeks may not be enough. Maybe the divorce won't be stopped. I don't know if that means the relationship can't be rebuilt. I don't know if I'll even want to once the divorce is final.
I almost feel like the finality of the divorce is more important to me than her. She's already decided it's over.
She just asked for mother's day as family day. I'm torn on that. On the one hand, I feel like I need to validate somewhat and do that. I also feel like there's an emotional attachment that can be created on that day.
On the other hand, divorce is 3 days later, and to me that signifies we aren't a family anymore. So why would I want to indulge that?
