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Joined: Apr 2016
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Joined: Apr 2016
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Hi,
Just posted and computer froze...here goes again

Background: WAH of 4 years has struggled with job satisfaction/career for 14 years. Was major thing he talked about and focused on since we met. Always lamenting and talking about his new job directions with anyone we'd meet.

Found new 'dream career' 8 mo ago. Threw self into networking, courses online, applying, interviews. Was going for salaried job with benefits at big stsable company vs. working with startups, commissino as he has been for year, "FOR OUR FAMILY", so we could have a home, kids.

He was turned down from these positions and offered commissioni only position wiht new startup that branched off his dream company-jumped at it. I was admittedly not as excited/supprotive, in moment of bad mood/hungry tired criticized as commission, was beineg selfish and didn't see how that hurt him frown Have since apologized profusely adn offered support, to no avail-talkingi to a wall.

He left suddenly one morning, we were supposed to be housesitting only 2 months here, he had met bunch of liked minded entrepreneurs and hagnign out with them "need huann connection" (vs working alone online all the time). Everything packed, no forwarning aside from hints droppping about pressure, tension, burnout, can't take it. I didnt' 'hear' them and had no thought he would run off.

That day he left, he canceled all credit cards in my name (he's primary cardholder), withdrew most of $ from join accout (he knew i had savings but left very little)

He unfriended me on Facebook, changed profile to luke skywalker in the cockpit (loves Star wars). OVer the next few months, not right away, blocked me, removed some photos, then ALL a few weeks ago

Twitter: I only checked once a month ago, but friends tell me he's constantly posting (part of his new job) about "Success": quotes, positive psych stuff, finding your tribe, cut off negative, etc.

Also posting now photos of his workout sheets-handwritten notes about how much weight he's lifting, what exercises. He used to keep notes here and there, never consistently but never posted them online. Seems odd

Posting about running and winning races, photos of medals

Will not return any texts, calls, email letters of apology or what I'm changing (I only did mistakenly first 2 weeks he left). Onlyl emails or replies about meeting for practical matters, he chooses the time/place usually.

He has not once asked if i am ok, where i'm living, what i'm doing. Nothing. We arrived here with plan to stay 2 months to houssit, then leave town. Had no idea he was thinkking of staying and running off. I had no income and no home lined up afterwards. He has found a place to stay but will not tell me even what area of town, which I find bizarre as I have not at all attempted to find him or contact him except thru email these days. Has not offered any help, $, nothing.

He was adamant about getting a professional photo for Linkedin, it looks nothing like any other photos-he's been a sweet, sentive, fun, youthful lighthearted playful guy who waves at babies, sings little madeup songs, jokes about animals, etc. This looks like man out to impress, almost a sneer of arrogance-even a friend was creeped out by it without my saying anytying.

He was wearing new shoes, clothes, new smartphone, sunglasses case

Posts about going to climbing gym a lot at 5am (used to do before married) and raving about that.

Posts photos of rainbows and writes about "#happy"

Stopped replying to mutual friends 2 weeks after leaving. They said he sounded calculated, hardended, determined (to end everything).

Tells me he's sleeping better than ever, feels great, one of 3 times i"ve seen him in 3 mo.

Won't hug anymore-had agreed to previously after meetings, would pray Our Father.

Rewriting history, lying about our courtship in front of a PRIEST, pointing to a crucifix, about our marriage, talkign about he wasn't ready, does'nt know what love is, has to go work on his baggage...priest tried to call him out on that, saying he did state what love is just then, and that work on things within relatinoships vs. running away

Each tiem we meet, he literally runs away

He had legal separatin papers served in church parkig lot after our last meeting a month ago (I confrotned, he said you've avoided lonog enough have to move forward)

What does this sound like? What are some good wasy to respond besides going dark, not doign anything, GAL, 180s (mad at me for not having 'purpose' or work, depressed etc)?

He's 36. We hadn't had kids yet d/t $ ,etc FYI

Thank you!!!


Trying to hope and turn to God
Joined: Nov 2009
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Joined: Nov 2009
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Welcome to this board.

The first thing you should do is be sure to read the Divorce Remedy book by MWD,
Divorce Busting is also an excellent book.
http://www.mcssl.com/store/mwdtc2014/
http://divorcebusting.com/sample_book_chapters.htm

Michele's articles
http://www.divorcebusting.com/articles.htm

Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.

It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.

Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.

You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)

I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.

Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.

I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read.

This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.


I would start with the going dark link.
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=50956#Post50956

Abbreviations
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2553153#Post2553153

Detachment thread
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2537289#Post2537289

Resources thread(last post only)
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2592296#Post2592296

Stages of the LBS
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1964990&page=1

Validation
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=191764#Post191764

Doormat Tactics
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1942444#Post1942444

Standing vs leaving
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=1966340&page=1

Pursuit and Distance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2483574#Post2483574

Musings from AmyC
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2253741#Post2253741

MLC Signs
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2177869#Post2177869

The Final Stages Withdrawal to Acceptance
http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2074403&page=1

Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.

I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources.
You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.

Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!

Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.

I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations.
Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure.
You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.

Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you!
Start your homework assignments.
Something to DO while you are on moderation.
GAL.
Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath.
In general take care of your self first.

Detach the single most important thing to DO.


Your H/W has given you a gift
THE GIFT OF TIME
use it wisely

Knowledge is Power - Sir Francis Bacon


Me-70, D37,S36

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

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