Aftermath

[TimR]

Thanks 1313 amazing how stupid she can be and how little she could care her own kids. Just amazing! How the he11 did I get involved with someone like that to begin with.

[JujuB]

Amazing how you can go from loving someone, to being angry with them, to feeling pity for them, to indifference, now to loathing. I am still not going to come down from the high road but I will do whatever it takes to protect S13.

Such a range of emotions. I can relate. It's what I always hated the most about all this. Not knowing if what I was feeling at the time was "real". A poster once told me to act on your beliefs, not on your feelings, which you have quite nicely expressed.

[TimR]

Thanks JujuB. That is what I am working, acting with my head and not my emotions. I think there are several catalysts for this, me moving on and dating someone, her not getting a raise from me and she throws herself at guys in front of me at S13's sporting events, S13 pulling away from her as she tries to pull him away from me, and S13 telling her he does not want her to come to his big important tournament this weekend.

Well maybe she will eventually learn you can't blame someone else for everything that goes wrong in your life, sometime you gotta look in the mirror and say 'Maybe its me and my decisions.'

I am still to the point I do not care what she does, who she sees or really anything about her. However, now her decisions are going to affect the kids which is just wrong. Also something I thought she would never do... endanger her kids but obviously when considering what I would think a sane person would never do is generally her first instinct.

[GWH]

Tim,

I am sorry to hear that your WW is doing this. Like 1313 said your a L, and you know exactly what you can do to protect those kids from such a person. So hard to believe she would bring him around, but then again they are not who they once were.

[JujuB]

whether to date is a bit debatable on these boards.

I do find that when your spouse cheats, dating someone seems to boost the ego, prevents pursuant and sometimes obsessive behaviors, and certainly does give the WS a clear message that LBS is not going to wait around. I don't know if it makes LBS more or less desirable.

if you can find eye ties threads he might be someone to catch up with. He overcame a lot and did really well with dating and GAL. His wife ended up wanting him back, but he did not see real change in her.

Personally, If I had any proof of my spouse cheating, I think i might have done the same. (Although when boyfriend cheated on me it took me over a year to date again) But I also would not want to reconcile if spouse was cheating. Non negotiable for me. The purpose of it would have been to get through some pretty rough feelings. But It's possible to get through them without OP too.

I recently expressed to a friend about a desire to date but I am also realizing how vulnerable I am right now, and how my selection process for a good person to date could be off. I think These past few days I am getting out of anger phase and in more of a mourning phase, so not as appealing.

I guess my overall thought is that it really is an individual decision and hopefully no additional parties end up hurt.

I think your doing great despite some pretty heart wrenching obstacles, especially regarding the children. I wish the best for you.

[TimR]

Thanks JujuB. Yeah I certainly did not set out consciously looking to date anyone and quite the opposite, I looked at how damaged I figured I would be in counseling for quite sometime to learn how to trust again. I guess that is how it happens, when you are not looking is when you find what you needed. She saw me jogging and asked if I would like a running partner sometime (I coach her son in school, not like she is a complete stranger). Through setting that up talking became more frequent. For a bit, I thought to myself uh oh, not sure that I am ready for this, but did not want to miss an opportunity.

We have discussed our individual issues. Her being divorced for 4 years now and having had some bad relationships after that, me having trust and intimacy issues. I find being aware of my issues lets me spot if I am having an issue before I start acting on it. We also discussed rebound relationships. Thus far we have been very open and honest with our thoughts and feelings which is a HUGE 180 for me.

As far as dating soon after the break up, I have discussed it with my IC. He has been supportive of it and just told me not to try and force or rush things. He encouraged me to spot and note any quirks I am having and tell him about them. So far so good.

[TimR]

Just journaling...

WOW what a weekend!! Friday, I met with jogging buddy in the morning for date before leaving for the weekend. We went to do some laundry and then for breakfast. After that we just hung out and talked. Then it was off to Ohio.

The drive was long, long, long. I took S13 and my other Jr. high wrestler for the 7 hour drive. The literally wrestled in the back seat of my sports car 4 of the 7 hours it took. The other 3 hours were filled with guess the song who could come up with the most inappropriate song... LOL what kids listen to now.

On the way, S13 told me about his mom bringing his dad back around. He also told me about his mom hooking up with dad. LOL so everything has gone full circle. Considering her knowing what she is getting herself back into she has little sympathy from me when things go back to their old ways. What does bother me about the entire situation is this is really going to screw up S13. He does great in school and just took 7th at the largest 1 day tournament in the world. So my plan is she likes to have nice things for the kids and brag about his accomplishments as if she has contributed to them. Since, I train him, pay for all the tournaments, pay for all the travel, all the lessons and all the camps/clinics, I am sure that she thinks she is using me to get away with not having to pay and yet still bragging. That is fine let her think she is so smart, my relationship will continue to grow with him and eventually he will be old enough and understand enough to be able to make his own decisions. He already sees the truth WW with 3 different guys in about as many weeks. I can tell just by comments he has made that he is not too fond of it.

Now bragging.... So we travelled 7 hours to the tournament. There were approximately 3000 wrestlers there competing at one of the country's largest and most difficult scholastic tournaments. As a coach I talked to my 2 Jr. High kids (S13 and another) saying listen this is a big step up for both of you just try to get one win, but if you got out there and come up short, as long as you wrestled hard I am proud. I had 4 there, 2 elementary and 2 jr. high. S13 had 41 kids in his bracket!!! He lost his first match 6-0. Then came back in his second to pin the kid, 8 grueling match (with me figuring each time it would be he last match) he came out and took 7th place. It was amazing and I could not be any more proud of him!! I never expected him to do such a great job against kids of that caliber. Here he is only having done the sport for 5 years competing against the best in the US and winning most of his matches. All I can say is OMG.

Then after a long trip home, it was off to jogging buddy's house (maybe I should be referring to her as GF now) but we got some time together and just enjoyed the end of our weekend together.

Again what a great weekend it was!!!

[GWH]

Tim,

Great to hear S13 took 7th place.That's awesome. Your doing a great job with him, and he will always respect you for what your doing. Keep up the good work brother. He needs a good role model in his life.

[1313]

Tim, great to hear. No surprises at all. I'm delighted that you've been able to move on personally so quickly. Just think of where you were not 3 months ago. Wow.

It's fantastic that you've gotten what you've wanted and S13 is doing so well. He's blessed to have you.

[CRW]

Glad to see you are doing well.