Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11
CRW #2671552 04/25/16 09:17 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
C
CRW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
So I didn't text her all day yesterday. In the early evening she texts me something about child support that she had to know the answer to. And then sends me a bunch of pictures of the kids.


I just answered he question shortly, and then said thanks for the pics. Nothing other than that.

I am guessing as the pattern goes, she'll find some reason to text me late today or tomorrow. Any recommendations if/when she does?


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
CRW #2671556 04/25/16 09:30 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
C
CRW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
W You still owe 175$ for child support this month. Is that taken out of your check or do you send it in?

Me It comes out of my check. I'm actually about 600 ahead.

W When did it start coming out?
Image Attachment
Image Attachment
Tablet time before bed....
Image Attachment
Image Attachment

Me:Last check in march
Thanks for the pictures.


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
CRW #2671738 04/25/16 06:15 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
C
CRW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
24 hours, no contact. This is hard. Miss my kids terribly.


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
CRW #2671740 04/25/16 06:26 PM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
J
J5K Offline
Member
Offline
Member
J
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 1,091
Set a schedule with your W to speak to your kids. You should still be NC with her as much as possible.


H-46 XW-38 T-7 M-6
S-9,8,8,6,4
S 11/30/15, I filed 12/8/15
EA 2/1/16 D dismissed 3/24/16
PA 3/18/16 confirmed 4/22/16
XW files for D 4/1/16 - D final 11/17/16
Finally moving forward...
CRW #2671751 04/25/16 07:02 PM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,167
Likes: 3
B
Member
Offline
Member
B
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 1,167
Likes: 3
Originally Posted By: CRW
24 hours, no contact. This is hard. Miss my kids terribly.


Yes, it is hard! I am sorry you miss your kids. I will say that that part gets easier. The one benefit of separation and co-parenting is that you can allow yourself to miss your kids a little bit. So when you are with them, you can make sure you are more present and focusing on quality time. Less screen time and more enjoying each other. That is priceless.

I think you are getting what it means to DB! You are not initiating contact, however you are not intentionally ignoring her. Continue to respond and be respectful, however keep up the detachment. Polite, courteous, but keep a healthy boundary. If she doesn't want an R with you, then all she gets is simple, matter of fact, communication about kids and logistics. That's it.

I agree with the other posters. This may confuse her and upset her and even cause her to act out. She may be temp checking or testing to see if you are still invested; she doesn't get to do know. Too bad for her! She made this bed, and so naturally she gets to lie in it and eventually wonder if you have moved on. Waywards need to learn that their plan Bs will not sit around and wait for them.

So keep that chin up, detach, and focus on being the best YOU!

You got this!
-Blu


“Forgiveness liberates the soul. It removes fear. That is why it is such a powerful weapon.” – Nelson Mandela
BluWave #2672183 04/27/16 07:37 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
C
CRW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
Thanks guys, I appreciate the words of encouragement and direction. Please keep them coming, you all have no idea how much they help.

So last contact was Sunday night until this morning. Our S14 got in trouble at school so she texted me about it. I asked her what her thoughts were and she immediately called. She tried my personal phone which I didn't answer, then my work phone which I answered, but told her I would need to call her back in a bit.

I haven't called her back yet. I'm not sure why she even called, this isn't the first time S14 has been in trouble, and we've never needed a phone call about it before.

Any thoughts on how long I should make her wait or course of action?


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
CRW #2672190 04/27/16 07:56 AM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 677
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 677
Maybe call back during your lunch time and keep the conversation only concerning S14. If she veers off topic "Oh I need to go my lunch is almost over." or something. Not cold or mean just gotta get to something else.


Me 41
W 33
M 2013
Suspect A 11/15
Confirm A 1/16
She moved out 2/14/16
Stepson 13
Stepson 16
TimR #2672192 04/27/16 08:01 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
C
CRW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
Thanks Tim, do you think I handled appropriately?

BTW, I feel pretty cool using all the abbreviations now!


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
CRW #2672199 04/27/16 08:19 AM
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 677
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Jan 2016
Posts: 677
Yeah I think what you are doing is good. I would always just text about the kids and keep it at that. And that if the topic was important or about info I have not given in the past. for example "do we have tournament this weekend." reply, "see my email of April 3rd."

However, I must admit my sitch is very different now. I have absolutely no intention of ever taking her back. So I am not DBing for her anymore (I am doing it everywhere else to make myself a better person and have better relationships in the future).

I hope this helps out. Best of luck to you buddy.


Me 41
W 33
M 2013
Suspect A 11/15
Confirm A 1/16
She moved out 2/14/16
Stepson 13
Stepson 16
TimR #2672201 04/27/16 08:25 AM
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
C
CRW Offline OP
Member
OP Offline
Member
C
Joined: Apr 2016
Posts: 210
Yeah, when everything 'went down' I had so much anger clouding my judgement that I just plowed ahead. Once I was able to clear my mind I realized that I didn't want the D.

It does help, that is exactly what I told her.


Me: 38 y/o
W: 38 y/o
Together: 10 yrs
Married: 7 yrs
S1, D3, S15(hers previous, I adopted May'15)
WBD: Sep '15
W's EA confirmed Oct'15
W Filed Dec '15
Personal awakening Mar'16
Page 5 of 11 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 10 11

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard