I am not going to DB this... I have faced reality.
What does this mean to you?
Originally Posted By: Shatter
I loved her for what she is, flaws and all. She loved me as an image of the man that she could mold me into, a mold no man can likely fill. Throughout our M, she had me on a very short leash and I lost myself in that process and grew very unhappy.
So....only she is to blame?
Originally Posted By: Shatter
We made a great team in some aspects of our M, but we should have never gotten M in the first place...
Sounds like you might be doing some rewriting of history yourself here.
In the meantime, why werent you a full person? How will you become a full person?
Originally Posted By: Shatter
I do not see any hope. This is over. I have to move on and actually want her to leave as soon as possible (which will be a little over a week from now.)
I may be the LBS, but I need this to end. I need her out of my life. I am much more important to myself than a relationship.
I will use this time as wisely as I can to heal myself and get back to the person I used to be... and then go even further.
What does this (I want her to leave as soon as possible...I need her out of my life) have to do with this (I will use this time to get back to the person I used to be)
Originally Posted By: Shatter
The issue here really isn't the other man, It's her. She initiated this.
Dig deeper. Some of the issue is her. Some is you. You cant fix her stuff, but you can fix yours. What are you going to do?
Right now it means that if I 'act as if', appear happy and content and by some miracle she comes back... THEN WHAT? We are both the same people we used to be.
Originally Posted By: darknes
So....only she is to blame?
Of course not... I own at least 50% if not more.
Originally Posted By: darknes
Sounds like you might be doing some rewriting of history yourself here.
You are correct. Thank you for making me 'think'.
Originally Posted By: darknes
In the meantime, why weren't you a full person? How will you become a full person?
I have always had a fear of rejection.. I'm sure this played a role in what is happening... As far as becoming a full person.. first I need to get back to who I used to be, much stronger and very independent (maybe too much). I didn't NEED to be in a relationship... I was just happy by myself. This involves getting away from my very controlling STBXW. I am going to counseling now and reading a few books. I am also attending my first Divorce Support group session tomorrow (which I very much am looking forward to)
Thank you for asking the tough questions! It has given me a different perspective.
Right now it means that if I 'act as if', appear happy and content and by some miracle she comes back... THEN WHAT? We are both the same people we used to be.
Is that all that DB is to you?
Have you read the book?
Originally Posted By: Shatter
Originally Posted By: darknes
So....only she is to blame?
Of course not... I own at least 50% if not more.
OK. So let's focus on that 50%. Have you started looking at your marriage with a beginner's mind to figure out what that 50% is? Have you put down goals about how to improve it?
Originally Posted By: Shatter
Originally Posted By: darknes
Sounds like you might be doing some rewriting of history yourself here.
You are correct. Thank you for making me 'think'.
Originally Posted By: darknes
In the meantime, why weren't you a full person? How will you become a full person?
I have always had a fear of rejection.. I'm sure this played a role in what is happening... As far as becoming a full person.. first I need to get back to who I used to be, much stronger and very independent (maybe too much). I didn't NEED to be in a relationship... I was just happy by myself. This involves getting away from my very controlling STBXW. I am going to counseling now and reading a few books. I am also attending my first Divorce Support group session tomorrow (which I very much am looking forward to)
Im a little confused. What are you looking to be?
Independent? Strong? What do those mean? How do you define them? How do you measure them?
You said you were only half a person. How so? What did you need to do then? How have you regressed since then? What will you do going forward?
Youre saying a lot of things that sound like buzzwords. I would be much more inclined to believe you if I saw some semblance of a clear plan.
That went better than expected..We were both very respectful and if all goes as planned... D by June. I'd be lying not to admit that the reality of this is so very sad... all of our dreams we once had.... I hope we both end up OK
One day we will both heal ourselves from the damage we caused each other during our M. I pray that she can get on the right path for herself and find happiness.
