2Times2Many - I feel all those same emotions. As you just wrote on my thread, we only have glimpses of what's going on in their crazy worlds. And there's no ryhme nor reason there. But there are lots of opportunities to spin. Don't let yourself be dragged into it all. Clearly he is trying to project some image of himself to some group of people who understand the inside joke.
Regarding the fact that freedom is outside your door. Well? Why not go away for a bit? Try something new? Perhaps your BIL can cover for you? Your kids are grown. Why not? If planning it all gives you anxiety, you could go where the wind takes you.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
It's been a couple of weeks since I posted, but I check in frequently to see how everyone is doing.
Not much has changed on the MLC front. H is due back in about 10 days, so we'll see what comes of that. I think I'm ready for whatever he throws at me.
The past couple of weeks have been fairly busy. I got the broken thermostat replaced and the mulch is down in the yard. I also got our yard guys to do the spring clean-up, trimming, etc and the yard looks nice.
I turned on the sprinkler system and it all looked okay, but then I noticed that a couple of areas weren't getting water. I'm assuming the issue is adjusting the alignment on the sprinklers, but I have no clue about that stuff. I found someone on Angie's List to come out and do a check-up on the system for a reasonable price and they will be here this week.
I hate to waste money on something like that when I could wait 10 days and let H do it, but I am determined NOT to ask him to do anything for me while he's here. I want him to see that I DO NOT need his help and I'm doing just fine without him!
I have the second facial treatment this week and am looking forward to that. (A good excuse to take a couple of days off!) I like the results from the first and can't wait to see the results of the entire series of treatments.
Oh, that reminds me of a weird thing that happened. I think I posted a while ago that when I do something like the facials or a great trip somewhere, H usually follows suit by doing something similar.
Last Sunday I had this weird feeling that something was up with H. I read a book years ago about paying attention to intuition or gut feelings because it's usually an indication that your subconscious is picking up on something the conscious doesn't register. H knows that when I get a strong vibe about something, I usually follow up and don't just dismiss it.
So on Sunday night (H's Monday morning), I sent H a text and told him that for some reason he had been on my mind and I just wanted to check that everything was okay with him.
He texted back that all was good and then followed that with a phone call. He said everything was okay and he was fine. I replied that I couldn't explain why I felt the need to check, but to be careful that day.
He then told me that he was actually a little nervous and apprehensive because he was going in later in the day to have veneers put on his teeth. It didn't surprise me that he would do something similar to my facials but how weird is it that I felt the need to ask him on that day if everything was ok with him?
Off to Home Depot now to get some yard clean-up supplies for my back garden. I plan to make sure I have my wallet with me this time.
Hope everyone has a great weekend.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
From my perspective, not weird at all, you were just in the groove. however, I must confess that my son tells people his mother the herbalist is a witch, so factor that in
Good for you for following your gut instinct and sending that text.
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
also want to add this: i've gone the totally independent route, and also at times asked H for help around the place. my experience has shown me that I'm personally a LOT more comfortable spending the $ and taking care of it myself.
just my $.02
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
So, the irrigation company came out to check out the system and found a bad connection underground that was leaking. I'm glad I called them. All fixed.
I got my gardens and planters ready for annuals and pressure washed the patio furniture to get rid of the pollen crud. I had issues connecting the hose to the pressure washer ... couldn't get a tight connection and the washer wouldn't work cuz it wasn't getting enough water I suppose. It looked to me like the end of the hose was bent so I ended up going back to Home Depot to purchase a new hose. Incredibly frustrating to spend $30 for a new hose when a new fitting could have been attached to the hose for a few dollars. Unfortunately, I don't know how to do that stuff.
Oh, and then there was the pressure washing. I ended up making some marks in the deck stain, so I'll have to fix that.
I'm super pleased with my second facial treatment. It went well and I didn't leave the office looking like someone who would scare small children. I do have to see a dermatologist before the next treatment though because of a suspicious area on my nose. I don't think it's anything serious, but better safe than sorry.
I had planned to take my old jeep down to gets it's inspection (for a tag) today, but it wouldn't start. My bad ... I haven't driven it in a while. I assumed the battery's dead, so I hooked up H's battery charger and ended up having to call him about it since I wasn't sure I was reading the dials right. He was helpful and hopefully tomorrow it will start and I can go for a long drive to really charge it. Hopefully.
H is due back next Tuesday. He texted today and asked me to join him for dinner on Tuesday night with his Mom and Dad. I will have to give him some brownie points. The last time he came back he texted at the last minute to ask me to join them for dinner and I had other things to do, so declined. I keep thinking about my Mom when I was teen .... don't accept a last minute invite ... let them think you have other things to do. I really did! LOL.
I'm usually a little antsy before he comes back but this time I'm strangely calm. I've been giving a lot of thought to putting an end to all of this. I don't believe he will ever come home and even if he did, I don't know that I could live with the person he has become. I've been through this twice and I can't imagine living a life with him where I wasn't always in fear he would do it again. He would have to get major therapy and I just don't think he would.
In the meantime, I think about the life I'm leading now and I have to believe that there is a better life out there for me. At my age you want to grab as much of life as you can and I feel like I'm wasting precious time.
I think I know what I need to do. I just don't know if I have the strength to do it at this point. It would be an emotional upheaval and it's so tempting to just sit where I am but this a lousy way to live. So much to think about.
But at the moment, I'm really, really proud of myself. In the last month, I've gotten all the Spring maintenance done for the house, gotten a few other repairs taken care of and have done some big things for me (like facials). Part of that is showing H that I can handle things just fine on my own, but mostly it's that I CAN handle things on my own. It make me feel really good.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
you sound so strong and grounded, good for you! and do get spot that checked out - yes, better safe than sorry!
I hope the battery charges and you get to take a nice relaxing drive.
You can and should be proud of all the hard work you've done. Independence is hard won. I understand your feelings about not being sure. I think when the time is right you will know what to do. You may be getting closer, but I'm not quite sure you're completely there yet, and that's ok!
xoxoxo
M 20+ T25+ S ~15.5 (BD) BD 4/6/15 D 12/23/16
"Someone I loved once gave me A box full of darkness. It took me years to understand, That this too, was a gift." ~ Mary Oliver
As I have said many times, I cannot even imagine going through this twice. You are to be commended.
Kudos to you for getting all those tasks done.
And I did smirk that he invited you out to dinner with his parents. I imagine he may be a bit sore that you all got together without him? What?!? The world does not stop orbiting for the MLCer?
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
"I don't believe he will ever come home and even if he did, I don't know that I could live with the person he has become....I can't imagine living a life with him where I wasn't always in fear he would do it again."
This resonated with me and I feel the same way (though I haven't been through this searing experience twice). It does sound as though you are in a strong and positive place and reading your post I'm thinking - she's gonna be just fine, whichever way things go.
Good for you xx
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
You should be very proud of yourself...look at all that you've accomplished in the last month or so! As for figuring out how things work, i.e., power washer, etc., google for instructions. I use them all of the time and find clips that show you step by step directions on how to repair things, etc.
Did you run the vehicle a bit after your charged it? Hopefully it will start today for you. I'm glad your h was helpful in providing info on the batter charging experience.
Wow! He's invited you to dinner w/his mother and father? Now, that's a huge platter of brownie points! I do hope that you will go and enjoy yourself.
You've come a long way and I think that in your mind, you've made some decisions about what you want in life, but haven't decided when you will move forward on them. Sometimes it takes a while before we are actually ready to do something different. Don't rush the process, especially when you are frustrated or angry. You want to make your decision when you are calm and have your ducks in a row, so to speak.
I'm very proud of you and you are a success no matter what happens. Keep up the good work!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
2T, wow, you are getting a lot of things accomplished. Your garden planted, your patio washed, your irrigation system repaired… You got it, girl! I’m very curious about your facial treatment. I wonder if I should do something like that too. Do you feel like you have a younger and healthier skin now? Did it smooth some wrinkles, etc.? I remember that you said it eliminated some darker spots on your face.
Isn’t it something that your H invited you to join him for dinner with his parents… I’m very curios how it going to go, LOL. Is he going to talk about the “activates” he is doing for fun while away from you. I wish I would be a fly on the wall at that dinner, LOL.
I think there are a few of us here who start questioning if there is better life for us out there, outside of this MLC drama and all that it comes with. You absolutely should be proud of yourself, for taking care of the things on your own, and to continue to live your live and making the best of it, while your H has been a selfish SOB. Sorry, I just could not find any other word for
M:50 H:52 S28 (my S from previous marriage) M:17 + 3 BD: 06/12 S: 06/12 - H works in another state
