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Ugh, woke up 4 times last night. I guess it's the stress and anxiety from WW's impending move out. Hate when that happens, especially on a weekend.
Was looking at the cupboard today, noticed many of our plates missing. I guess WW is making good on her L's advice to make sure to take 1/2 of everything. She took a statue and a painting her parents gave us for our wedding gift too. It's interesting that she did that because in the first filing she requested to have the painting. Now she just took it! Thinking about how I should approach these things... The painting may be fairly valuable, not sure if I want the L to get involved in it right now.
Been reading through the threads of many veterans on the board. There are a lot of similar stories with heartbreaking details and endings. Not sure if it's encouraging or discouraging me at this point, but I admire the resilience of those who went through the same nightmare.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 327
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CWOL, this is what will be happening to me next Wednesday. The 2 L's get together in court, and hammer out division/liquidation of everything. I don't think there's going to be any "parting out" of things - it just gets liquidated.

It's horrible to think about after putting it all together for so long. I basically left with as many clothes as I could gather. The insane WW said I left with all these things that basically don't exist.

as far as dividing your stuff, make sure you get photos if you can, of anything you think she might grab. Anything acquired between you two should be split, even if it needs to be sold, or if you're amicable for her to pay you half of the worth. However, it should all remain in the home until a Judge looks things over - don't know what state you're in - is it no fault 50/50?

Ugh, the W just sent me an email. Scared to see what's in it. I'll check back later.


Me: 58
Her: 59
Kids: 0
Dog: 1
ILYBINILWY: 9/15
D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed)
Verified OM: 1/11/16
Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
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Yes, I'm in a no-fault 50/50 state just like you. I don't know if I want to confront her right now or just have my L do it. It's strange that she will take the painting especially after explicitly asking for it in the filing. Wouldn't I notice it's missing? I do have pictures of most of our assets and furniture, I didn't think she was going to take something that she filed with the court as a request outright like that.
Our settlement is going to be a little more complicated because I bought the house three years before I married her. I paid all the mortgages out of my separate accounts until a year after we got married. At that time we merged all of our assets because one of the things she claimed distanced us in her first EA was that we didn't "feel" like a true team having separate accounts. So at that time, I agreed although I kept my house separate through all these years.
The end result is that the mortgage was paid out of our joint account which I could have paid by myself. However, now because of the joining of the assets, she is entitled to a percentage of the principal payments and the appreciation of the house during this time. So I will need to pay her off in the final settlement.

Moral of the story: I should have kept our finances separate and put into the joint account only what is necessary.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 327
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Originally Posted By: CWOL
Moral of the story: I should have kept our finances separate and put into the joint account only what is necessary.


Amen brother. I was a completely trusting fool, and put my W on everything. So I've had to hire a forensic accountant to show that I've got some things completely separate.

The W mentioned in our little back-and-forth today that I was out to ruin her financially. If she really believes that, she's still pretty far out there. But I am going to protect myself, and get what I'm legally entitled to. She's the one that got the L, not me.

I think one of the biggest blows I had in all this was to find out the W had gotten a separate bank account and was funneling money there while I was scrimping and saving and juggling accounts.

Yeah, "team". "We". All that goes right down the toilet when your WW goes AWOL doesn't it? Just words.

At least you've got a larger chunk of the house, and might be able to work things out without liquidating. Fingers crossed.


Me: 58
Her: 59
Kids: 0
Dog: 1
ILYBINILWY: 9/15
D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed)
Verified OM: 1/11/16
Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
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I was just doing the dishes and I noticed half of my flatware set is missing. Is this what it will come down to?
I've kept our finances very solid and in order. So solid, in fact, we have 0 debt and 0 mortgage. So, no, there won't be liquidation, but it won't hurt me any less.
Her approach to this whole thing is really pi$$ing me off. I wouldn't say she's out to "ruin" me financially, but she and her L is trying to scrimp every last penny from me. She may be able to do that legally, but I wonder if she thought about what she is doing morally? Sure she contributed to the family for 18 years, but does that mean she will claw every last penny that she can from me, now and in the future?
Obviously, she doesn't think her contact with OM is "wrong" even if anyone viewing the evidence thinks otherwise. As you say, WW's have no guilty conscience. She's rewriting history and making up my deficiencies constantly to her mother and relatives, the few Enablers that she still talks to. Whenever that comes up, I just ask them why was she emailing OM nine years ago then? Doesn't jive with any of her timeline.
This is the part of my situation that I hate, that she can use the law to punish me and get away with it. I hope karma will intervene soon.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 327
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CWOL,
@&#*! WW's.
My WW accused me of absconding all kinds of things that I didn't take or don't even exist. I could have played this exact same game, but didn't. Morals, honesty. She's living in the house with all the luxuries we surrounded ourselves with. Heck, my friend even takes care of the pool for her.

No, timelines are for the birds. Chronological order? What's that? History? That's for her to write and for you to be subjected to. It's crazy, it doesn't make sense. I guess it really is some sort of twisted survival technique.

I can say that my WW had no problem changing the locks, perhaps you should do the same. In your case with no payments (congrats!), there is still going to be worked out what you owe her since half the value gained during your marriage is hers.

Karma will not necessarily intervene - but it's hanging around, trust me.

Your L will let you know how much you can expect to lose. Unfortunately in these no fault 50/50 states, the guy is toast. The WW gets to live like a queen, because S11.


Me: 58
Her: 59
Kids: 0
Dog: 1
ILYBINILWY: 9/15
D Bomb: 1/11/16 (found out filed)
Verified OM: 1/11/16
Moved out: 1/11/16 (thought it was temporary)
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
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Yes, I am toast.
But it's not because of S11, I actually share 50/50 custody. It's the damn alimony (spousal support). I'm getting screwed over there. WW has no trouble taking the $, after all, it's the law. Never mind how we got here in the first place.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Jun 2007
Posts: 18,666
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She is going to continue running over you like a bulldozer, as long as you continue to take it.


It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
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Originally Posted By: sandi2
She is going to continue running over you like a bulldozer, as long as you continue to take it.


I don't see anything I can really do on the legal aspects of it. It's the laws of this state that gives so much "protection" to WW's. I've tried to fight it as much as I can but we've just been incurring unnecessary legal bills.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
Joined: Feb 2016
Posts: 626
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CWOL Offline OP
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Question I have on detaching, even through D and eventually co-parenting:

How would I do that? The thing that has really gotten me down on has been the D proceedings. It really shows the ugly side of my WW, and her greed and lack of remorse. How do I detach myself from these feelings when I get waves and waves of them thrown at me, every time I have to read one of their briefs? Their RFO's are always full of accusations that are untrue or amplified to make me look back. And we have a relatively simple case too... I suppose it will get easier when she moves out, but it is so hard for me to see.

Also, suppose our D is finalized. I still have to see her twice a week. Some people have suggested that I let S11 walk from her car to my door, or drop him off to walk to her apartment. I don't think it's realistic when we have S11 intertwining our lives forever, whether it's school, piano recitals, etc.


Me-LBH, 48
Spouse-WW, 48
Married for 19 years
Son, 12
BD #1 - November 1998 (EA 7 months after wedding)
BD #2 - November 2015 (same XBF EA)
WW filed D February 2016
WW moved out April 2016
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