WAW still angry, moved out, D on the way?

[SH_]

1gr8dad,

Yes I am starting to see the toll this is taking on my daughters, and it is heart wrenching. Thank you for the kind words, because in the moment, I do not always feel that I am handling it well. Hearing that I am is a boost to my confidence and that is sorely needed these days. You were right, it did blow over as my d17 went to dinner with her mother and sister and said she had a good time. She also confirmed with me that she trusts and believes in me, that she sees clearly that her mother is struggling, and that she will not let her mother take away her happiness when she does things such as this.

Phoebe,

Thank you for being so close to my witch and the daily support and thoughts that you share. I feel the same way that the behavior she is demonstrating is beyond reprehensible. I calm myself and try to forgive her, because in the 20 years I have been with her, anger of this nature has never appeared. I know this may just be my way of trying to logically create a reason for the behavior, but in my heart I know something is not right with her. I still believe that there is not an EA nor PA happening, and while I may have contributed to a breakdown as MWD describes in the WAW syndrome, I believe there is an emotional/biological breakdown going on that she can not identify nor control.

But I can not focus or dwell on that as another influence in her life will need to guide her towards help and assistance. I pray for divine help for this each day..

I am reinforcing my own goal to be cautious how I speak of her myself not only in front of my girls, but to my small support group, because I want to ensure that others see her as the loving mother of my children and once she was the most loving and caring wife for me even in difficult times.

I will continue to share on this forum the things that go on, because I am in shock when these things happen and I must speak them out to maintain my own sanity.
I will continue to try Dbing although I find it difficult as my sitch seems unique in that I still have no idea how we went down this road, and she is sharing nothing of a consistent nature to provide clues that make sense.

I had a great day yesterday in spite of the rough start, I felt good, calm, focused, even happy. I helped a friend move after work, I spent a couple of hours alone and when my d17 arrived home, she was happy, we had a good evening, and I went to sleep without a sleep aid.

I awoke at 1 am with the anxiety, took a anti anxiety med, slept until 530am, and got up at 630 with the waves of anxiety rolling over me. I am recognizing it, trying to let it pass, sharing my gratitude, and will get up now and go jogging with my daughter.

We then have a day of work, fun and things to keep us busy today.

I will be happy and enjoy the moments with my d17, and as a friend told me yesterday.
"Fake it till you make it, if you must, but you can get through this and you can feel true happiness and joy once more, because I have done it, and so can you."

I deserve to be happy, we all do. And I must find myself after so many years, as I know that true happiness must co e from within. I must conquer self, and not be conquered by self.

I wish all who read this a wonderful day and I shall report in later this evening, with the goal of a wonderful joyful day. I need this, and so does my daughter.

[Phoebe]

Good morning, SadHub. It's been a bit of a tough morning here, too, and I may be taking my on anxiety meds here shortly if I can't get my mind to quiet down.

I wish your sitch was unique, but I think a lot of us are beyond baffled by our spouses. My H is in an affair, but I honestly don't think that's the real problem, just another symptom. Like you, I think that something has snapped much deeper inside him. I also have no idea how we got here - I mean he told me that he loved me the very same morning he ran away from home. Nothing makes any sense to me, either.

I think that our struggle is made more difficult by this fundamental confusion. Who are these people? We've been with them for decades and yet we never saw this coming? It has shaken my self-confidence to my core because I don't feel like I understand anyone anymore. If I can't understand a man I lived with for 25 years, then who can I even begin to understand? Am I just oblivious? Is my judgement fundamentally flawed? All this self-doubt is destructive, and yet it spins around my head all the time.

I just keep coming back to my grief counselor saying that I may simply never be able to understand what has happened. All I can do is go forward.

I hope that the day brings better things, SadHub. Sending you what strength I can muster this morning!

(((SadHub)))

[GWH]

SadHub,

Hope you have a great weekend with your D's. Hang in there brother!

[Vanilla]

Sadhub

Another observation if I may.

W may be putting D17 in the middle, you aren't.

As long as you let your D17 deal with her mum in her own way and merely validate you are doing your father job.

It's ok you know to worry about it. Your D17 is a gorgeous grounded gal and as you describe loves mum dad and D5.

I think I have mentioned hugs haven't I?

Even confused dads can say I am unsure D17 but I know I need a hug about now.

V

[Phoebe]

Checking in to see how your day went, SadHub, and to say hello.

[SH_]

V you see things so very clearly and for that I always look forward to your insights and thoughts.

D17 came home last night after having dinner with her mother and sister and said it was a good evening. She was very happy, and shared that her mother tried on several occasions to go down the road she did in the morning, but that D17 set boundaries and told her mother that she would no longer listen or speak about those things. My d17 set boundaries. My D17 said that she is no longer going to allow her mother to share her unhappiness and project it on me when speaking with her. She said that when WAW speaks of me, it is in bitterness and anger, but that in the few moments that I may speak of WAW, it is in sadness and hope for a better opportunity in the future.

So, you are spot on about my d17. She is a gorgeous, grounded, gal that is far beyond her years in maturity, wisdom, and understanding of love for someone regardless of how they behave. I should be setting the example for her, but she is setting it for me.

And, yes, many hugs today as we had a busy, sometimes disappointing, yet fun day.
I am so blessed to have such an angel in my life. She truly keeps me grounded when my emotions start to run high.

[SH_]

Thanks for checking in Phoebe.

Today was a mixed bag for me. I woke up with this overwhelming sadness. I was not shaky, just sad. I have not experienced this sadness in a couple of months since around the BD. It was a little surprising as I ran on a little white anger, and actually a confident happiness yesterday. So after a few minutes of uncontrollable tears, a big hug from d17, we were off for our first jog in several weeks. We were both a little out of shape, but felt good upon completion. We really want to get this back to being a regular thing for us.

We ran some errands and then went hunting for a new place to live. This is where we became a little discouraged. We tried to change up our route for the errands, and groceries, and that ended up taking more time than we planned. Which cut into the time we wanted to spend hunting for a new place.

We found a couple of places, we liked, but they are just outside of the price range, that is affordable. So we were a little bummed, and our planned location was further than we thought. So lots of driving and just a little looking.

Then we headed out to the other side of town to go to a festival where there was a band that d17 wanted to see and some food. After the 30 minute drive to the location we saw a sign that indicated that it was cancelled. A storm had rolled in and was the reason for the cancellation. So 30 minutes back and we grabbed a bite to eat, before coming home so d17 could go out with the youth church group for the evening.

So the disappointing part was all the driving, and feeling no closer to a new place to live, but the great part was the time we got to spend together. We will keep at it as we know that with some faith and hard work and prayer, we will get the break we need and things will start to move in the direction that can help us heal and feel like we are back on the path towards things that make us happy and dreams that we want to experience.

It is now night, and the part that I dread. The attempt to sleep and awake in control and with some peace. I do feel tired, and think I may be able to sleep with out a sleep aid. I pray that I may sleep peaceful, wake with calm, and attend church services in the morning.

[CWOL]

SadHub,
I'm glad you have D17. I wish I can borrow her, my S11 is very mature but he is still intimidated by my WW. She has always been somewhat overbearing on him (and me, as others have observed). He's sometimes afraid to express his true feelings with WW, especially about our breakup. I've been told he might be the key to any eventual R, but that is far off in the horizon at this point. Since I only have a son, I wonder how different the dynamics might be with a daughter? Anyway, that question is moot now given my marital circumstances, :-)

[Phoebe]

Congratulations on getting out and jogging today, SadHub! That's awesome and totally impressive.

I understand your disappointment about not having found s place yet, but you'll get there. Do you have a deadline to meet?

I know that right now I'm glad that there are no children stuck in my marital mess, but I do envy you your D17. She sounds like such a comfort. I always thought I'd have children, but H didn't want any, and now it's pretty late for me to think about that anymore.

[SH_]

D17 certainly has been a life saver for me from a mental stand point. She is very mature for her age. She is also very sensitive to others and see's things from a rational perspective.

She will call me out on my opportunities, but she always does so from a loving standpoint. She tries to do so with her mother, but at this point her mother is simply not interested in any perspective that goes against what she is doing.

Continue to be a great father and your son will soon become s17 and he will know who cared and loved him.