WAW still angry, moved out, D on the way?

[Vanilla]

Sadhub

Time to start to have some adult GAL, it's good, a meet up or two, doesn't really matter to start with although you can enjoy yourself better with things you Enjoy more!

Thank you for your beautiful post on my thread, I was truly humbled by your words.

I am always pleased when I see ripples of anger in a post, it shows shift in attitude and can be so empowering.

Much love and hugs

V

[Phoebe]

Hi SadHub. I was just checking in on you, and once again I see we're tracking some of the same feelings. I'm stuck overnight in what is supposedly my house, but one that feels awful and foreign, and I'm wishing I could just wake up from this awful dream, too.

And so, in an effort to escape the house, I'm sitting in a damn parking lot at a fast food joint, reaching out to my fellow LBSs on this site.

Anyway, it's just kind of amusing that we've both spent some quality time in our cars today, trying to avoid reality.

I haven't done any meditation today, on this day when I most need to, so I'm pretty sure you're running circles around me in the challenge!

I've joined a couple MeetUp groups, but haven't gone to any actual meetings yet. This evening I RSVP' d to go to a local BAN (beyond affairs network) meeting. So far I'm the only one going... Eeeek. I hope it's not just s big vitriolic gripe fest. That won't help me.

Good luck finding some local folks, SadHub. It's what we all need to do, but, being introverts, it's going to be tough. I'm awful in groups.

[SH_]

Hi V!

This weekend I am going to outline a plan for some GALing. The L says the fin agreement is about done and that will free up some funds to allocate to some things for that. Also my IC encouraged that I start creating a social circle. This will be a good challenge for me. I am introverted. I am almost 45, lack some self confidence, and well, I am just going to have to break those barriers and try something new are'nt I?

The anger is bouncing around for sure, so I hope to channel it for some good things.

And as always V your check ins and words of wisdom are a God send for me. Have a wonderful night.

[SH_]

Hello Phoebe,

I am chuckling at the thought of looking at us from the outside sitting in our cars tapping away on our phones while finding support here. It is only funny to me, because I know the feelings we were enduring while sitting there.

With my anger, the other sensation is loneliness for sure. It's odd to feel that as I tend to enjoy alone time and looked forward to it frequently for the past 20 years. But now I can not stand it. The voices and images in my head are not good to be alone with, so noise and people are what I need.

Well, I missed meditation today as it was a busy one. So Phoebe, I am re challenging us to it for tomorrow. We got home later than usual, due to D17 babysitting and earning some extra cash, I took d5 out to dinner and then picked d17 and we went to an art show at d5 school to see her artwork. It was fun.

We all got ready for bed, watched a few minutes of the Minions movie on Netflix and now they are asleep.

I am feeling drowsy, so hopefully this is a good sign for a restful night.

I am almost done filling my weekend with to do projects, and some GAL stuff. Looking forward to it.

Sleep well everyone. Heaven knows many of us need it, and it is well deserved at this point. IMHO

[Phoebe]

I hope you get that sleep, SadHub. It really is funny, but not funny haha, is it?

I accept the meditation challenge anew! Better things tomorrow, though I have another 5 hour drive after the L consult. Fun times.

[SH_]

I had a better nights rest I believe. Woke a couple of times and felt the waves of anxiety, and the worst sensation of being alone, but I fell back to sleep pretty quick both times. I am tired this morning, but it it is a different type of tired, than they type from not being able to sleep. As I feel like I could drop back off to sleep right now if I did not have to go to work. I actually recall dreams. They were about her, and may have created the anxiety, but I guess at least I was asleep enough that it was a dream state. Also I did not have cold sweats finally.

I would actually think I was going crazy if not for seeing so many others going through this.

My girls are awake and sound in good spirits so I will put on a happy face and enjoy the few minutes that I have with them this morning. I will not have d5 until Monday night. It will be the longest stretch without her and I am missing her already. Ugh... I have to stop thinking forward, stay in the moment and find some calm.

Why are mornings the worst? I have loved mornings for so long and now it takes all I have to get through them, get a hold of myself and then move through the day.

So, now to focus hard and have a PMA.

I am thankkful for the time with my d's
I am thankful for my family and the support they provide
I am thankful for the many individuals in this board, that share support with me, in spite of working through their own difficult times.

I challenge any that read this to share gratitude on their own threads as it is medicine for the heart and it does the soul good I'm difficult times.

[1gr8dad]

Great Job Sadhub!
I love the focus on what you're grateful for.
I will do the same on my thread as per noble challenge.

[SH_]

Quick update, as my white anger reached the red anger for a few minutes this morning.

As I arrived to work D17 called me. She never calls at this time as she is at school. I answer and she is really upset.

She tells me that her mother was in a fit of rage all morning and directed it at my d.
She received the finance agreement from her L, and she is mad about having to equalize some of the assets as it relates to our cars. She does not understand the legal details and ranted about having to pay me money and how women always get screwed in a d and, and how it is all my fault, and she hopes d17 can see how I am a bad person just trying to take all of the money, and why won't she just come live with her.

Then d17 says, "I just need to leave, I can't do this anymore." I ask her what she means. She says " I can't stay with her, and living with you just leaves me stuck in the middle, and I can't do this anymore."

The red, poppa bear anger swelled in me in that moment. The circus and monkeys are spilling onto my baby girls and I will not stand by for this much longer.

I validated d17 and encouraged her that I will do what I can to help her and support her. I also told her that the her l and my l are writing this up in accordance with the laws here, and that I am not making these decisions.

Fortunately my state is a no fault, split everything 50/50. So the WAW anger is all her own, and she should be speaking with her l, not my d.

Anyway I have a friend here that talked me off the ledge because the rage was at a high level.

D17 also texted me and thanked me for letting her vent and that she was feeling better, so I have returned to a state of calm for the moment .

Her circus, her monkeys, but how do I keep my babies out of the middle of the chaos of the 3 ring, clown driven, monkey infested tent?

This is my challenge.

[1gr8dad]

Wow Sadhub, I'm sorry to hear this latest development.
I think you handled it very well with D17. I admire how you were able to keep a level head with D despite the stressful content. It's so good that you told her you would support her no matter what.

It's horrible the kind of stress divorce puts on the family system, but amazing that she knows you are her rock.

I feel this will eventually blow over without any damage, so keep being the pillar of support.

[Phoebe]

SadHub, you are a rock for your girls. Wow, has your WAW stepped over the boundaries of decency and good taste. Dragging a child into the middle of her relationship mess is reprehensible. I am so sorry that your D17 is stuck in the middle, where no decent parent should ever put their child. Continue to hold to the high ground.

The behavior you model will forever influence the way your daughters handle themselves in the future. I don't mean to bury your emotions, because that is not a good lesson, and we've talked about that before. The good lesson is how you've been modeling calm and reasoned behavior while your wife has so consistently demonstrated unregulated an irrational anger and vitriole. No person with a shred of decency rips down her child's parent in front of them. Nor do they tell their children that they need to choose between their parents or vent about their legal frustrations. It's not acceptable. No matter what W may think of you, you will ever be their father, and she should respect that very simple fact.

My aunt divorced when my cousins were quite small and no one EVER heard her say a single ill word about their father, because she recognized that, whatever her own feelings towards the man, he was the most important man in her children's lives. My aunt's behavior ought to be the norm, not the exception.

Hang in there SadHub. Can D17 take some time away from her mother according to your custody arrangements? Does she have a therapist that could weigh in?