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You will enjoy the time he is away. In fact, I think you will realize just how much space he's taken up in your head when he's home. You'll be able to keep your kitchen neat and not have to look at dirty pots and dishes. Are you planning to sanitize the dorm room while he's gone?

It takes a lot of effort and patience to deal w/a MLCer living at home. Count your blessings that he's not a nasty one.

The count down is on! How many more days until he leaves?


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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HaWho Offline OP
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He leaves Wednesday. And Job, from your last two posts I suppose you are telling me, ever so gently, that I am stuck. So I am going to work on that.

Yes, I am fortunate that he is not too nasty a one. But, if I posted "the letter" you might see it a bit differently. It rendered the counselor speechless.

Well, speaking of nasty, he is so very angry since I asked him to clean up after himself! Boy, have I paid the price for that!!!

S10 decided to run a lemonade stand today. H was going with him and s asked me to come as well. When h realized I was coming too, he sighed and turned his back to me and dropped his shoulders and I caught him look completely disgusted that I was coming (anything to get away from mean old mom!). He tried to get s to go alone with him!! Awful of him to put s in the middle!! Guess this was some serious teenage attitude.

I offered to bow out but s said: "no, mom is coming. Dad can go with s12." Ouch for h. I know h wanted to do this with s as he considers himself the business minded one. I think s10 just doesn't have that bond with him yet. Not sure I blame him. Just this week h was a 1/2 hr late picking him up at school.

Ok - so this week: I'll be busy with work, playing tennis, hiking in the mornings and then I will have a relaxing few days with kids once h takes the crazy plane out of here. I am looking forward to a drama free weekend. And there is a work party on Saturday that I am popping in on, too.

Thanks Job for the shove.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Hey HaWho - Ugh, I hate all that driving stuff and I'm so sorry that happened....I can understand how upsetting that must have been.

I'm glad for you that you get to have a break and it sounds much needed! I would suggest making it through to him going and give yourself some breathing space to regroup. Take the peeks for what they were - mini-positives. What happened later doesn't detract from them - they still happened - but he's still baking away with all that comes from that.

I hope you'll plan some nice things for yourself during your 'holiday' xx


T 13 M 7
Me 48 H 46
SS 15
BD 7.14 PA
D final 5.16 (H filed)

We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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Maybe this break from him will give you a little better idea of what you can or cannot tolerate anymore.

If you are feeling better, relaxed, and not so much being affected by his insane behaviors, you may find it is time that having an actual separation may be what is best for you. I'm not saying divorce him, I'm just saying, for your sake, he needs to be living elsewhere for a little while so you are not a target for his insanity. maybe he needs to be his own target for a little while.

Enjoy the breathing room while he is gone:)

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Hi Sotto - I think I did get too used to those peeks.

Ginger - I get where you are coming from, I do. Honestly, I am not sure I can really do that to him. If he crossed a major boundary, yes, I would do it. But because he was going through something, about which I am educated, and he was acting according to script? This would be exactly exactly the sort of thing his mother would have done to him as a little boy, too.

And then there is the message to my kids as to why I did that. He is not verbally abusive, physically abusive, there is no proof of an affair, etc. As every male MLCer before him, he is weird.

That is how I feel today anyway. Things can change. And I do need a break.

Thank you Ginger for the temperature read.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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I completely understand. It is just kind of obvious, even through these borads the effect as it has had. Your decision, I was just throwing that out there, a it is not an impossibility. And I am not saying throw him in the streets.

What you are doing is commendable. No, he isn't physically abusive or verbally, there is such a thing as emotional abuse. I'm not saying that he is emotionally abusing you. I don't think you will let it get to that point.

As far as your kids, a separation to protect yourself in my opinion, would not be sending a bad message. I won't elaborate on that, because you are clearly not there.

Some who are going through the MLC actually go through it and come back out on the other side. Some don't. I know you'll figure out which way it will go.

I wasn't telling you to leave him, just that you od have options that aren't leaving him and that aren't living in the middle of it.

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HaWho,
Actually, telling you that you are stuck never entered my mind. See...mind reading isn't always a good thing. LOL! If I felt you were stuck, I would tell you directly. LOL!

Just like a typical 2 yr old that is teething, he got mad because you told him to clean up after himself. Do your sons clean up after themselves or do you have to remind them to do so? You might need to treat all three "kids" the same way since he's acting like a spoiled brat.

Enjoy that precious time he's away because you never know which personality will come out to play upon his return. I do think that I would open the windows in the dorm room while he's gone to air it out (if there are windows in there)...but put a protective suit on before entering. LOL!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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job Offline
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Also, you need to start a new thread. This posting is 107.

Have a great day!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Hawho. You listed many of the reasons I have not been able to file, even though I am so bored of my H issues and so tired of the ups and downs, peek outs and running back to tunnels, it's so draining and you should be proud of yourself for what you have put up with.

They are smart, our H's. They have us in this grey area, it makes it hard to have such a choice left to us to figure out.

I am looking forward, for you!, to have your H gone for a bit. I think the breathing room is overdue for all of you. Enjoy it.


Me 48 H 46 S 11
M 2004
BD 8/13
H moved out 2/15
-live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
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Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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