Well, 5 straight days of being ignored completely by h and lots and lots of angry body language which started from the moment I politely asked when he was going to clean up his pots. I say goodbye for the day or tell him I am taking S to x place and he doesn't answer me; that sort of thing. So, seems he's a 13 year old girl?!?
Sometimes he is like an angry teenage boy but sometimes he's more of the Queen Bee mean girl variety. For a guy who is petrified of aging he sure does waste a lot of time on silly, silly things.
In my own depression I remember having and showing that same petty anger towards him. I am trying so hard to be compassionate.
There are some good things out of this. I have not made any attempts to go in and smooth it all over. In the past, I would have done so to ease the tension. And also, it didn't all get to me. I am very proud that I remained cordial and polite throughout even as he acted like a pre-teen. At the start of all this MLC mess, I let myself be dragged down into the tit-for-tat nonsense. And I hated that I had become that person. I am so glad I have broken myself of that habit.
Last night, from downstairs, he asked S10 to come down and say goodnight. Normally h is just off on his own in that room. So S10 said: "why?!?" That was sad. H told him he was leaving early before they woke up. He said no goodbye to me.
In the morning I hear the shower super early like in the hardcore replay days. When he is out of the stinky bathroom I pop in by the dorm room and say: "just want to say bye." He is very cold, lots of angry body language. I ask if he is still going to x place (a place he vowed he never would go.) He says yes and then adds one more city, a party beachy area (surprise, surprise.) It's hard not to imagine him out there and all that comes with it.
I ask: "hey, why are you going to x?" He says to try something new. And I say: "so funny. You always vowed you'd never go there." And he mutters: "what's the point?" (Very annoyed.) I say: "2 years ago my cousin invited us there to her property and you said no, that you would never go there." And then I say: "you really are so different from who you were." Mostly, this last comment slips out and is more to myself than him. But he definitely heard it. I say "you can't even stand the food." And he mutters something else that I don't hear. I say: "have a safe trip and have fun." I walk away. He despises the food, the climate, everything. I so want to say: "you can run but you can't hide." But I zip it.
And with that he is gone. Now onto a few MLC free days . . .
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
Enjoy your MLC free days, HaWho! You really deserve a break.
Funny how our MLc H's will suddenly do things they would never do or go places they would never go before. My H made me promise to never put celery into anything (its suddenly ok, now) and couldn't stand buffets (he likes them, now).
I guess they are willing to try all sorts of things to try to get happy; even to the extreme of 180ing the things they despised. Just like they 180 the things they once loved. Change=happiness?
M-51 H-54 2D-27 and 25 M-26 yrs Bombshell and IHS 7-29-15 He moved out 10-3-15 D filed 1-27-16 D final 10-27-16
Breathe! You've got a couple of a free days to just enjoy yourself and your home w/o the man child being under foot! It's so sad that they end up doing the things that they vowed that they would never dream of doing as adults.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Cheers to you! I am sorry he was being such a poop....off you go H!
I hope you enjoy this time. Use it to regroup and recoup. Do you have anything planned or are you just going to enjoy a happy peaceful home? When does he get back?
Me 48 H 46 S 11 M 2004 BD 8/13 H moved out 2/15 -live in the present, enjoy the beauty around and within you, explore your new future-
My first MLC free day was a pretty good one! After work the kids and I watched Fed Up. It scared S12 and he is now taking nutrition much more seriously, as is s10.
We laughed a lot and there was an ease that hasn't been there in quite some time. I did feel the release of tension. We walked the dog after dinner and discussed the movie. We joked a lot and there was a lightness. Quiet as h is, he brings a heaviness with him.
MLC still found me. I guess h texted S12 when he landed. And later he called to talk to the boys. That is progress as this time last year when he went away with his Viagra friend he barely called and when he did, it was a rubber stamp conversation. He couldn't wait to get off.
I was in the room fixing myself some tea and h was on speaker phone. He started to explain how he could see s12's text but wasn't able to send any back and wasn't able to call. So he was calling from the lobby. I grabbed my tea and headed upstairs. Sounded like he was over explaining and I didn't want to think about it. He is probably at spring break in Daytona Beach.
I was upstairs reading when I heard S12 say: "here, I'll let you talk to mom." Ugh that's awkward as when he is in the same room he ignores me so why are we talking when he is in a foreign country? We spoke very briefly and it was curt and to the point. I just asked him how he was and not much else. I just don't really want to engage too much in his various MLC vacations. It's all so pathetic. He sounded vibrant and alive and I get the sense he thinks this running further is what's missing in his life.
I am binge watching The Jinx. Wow, it's fascinating! I watched Making a Murderer a while back and it's interesting to see two stories on opposite ends of the criminal justice system.
H returns Sunday so it will be a whole MLC free weekend.
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
As I get older, I am digger a lot deeper. And what I find is scary sometimes. But I'm doing it and it feels good to become real with yourself. However, I can see how people want to run from that inner work, it's really scary.
The MLC'er I was dating has been running for so long. From R to R when it comes time to actually do the inner work and things become real. Others, like your H run to vacations, material things, and experiences they feel they might have missed out on. Because they want to run from dealing with themselves.
We can only hope one day they quit running and deal with the crappy stuff inside, because it only brings out the good stuff in the end.
Enjoy the lightness in your home. maybe this will just keep going and will become a little contagious when he gets back.
I agree with this ^^^^, my MLC'er has also turned to vacations / time away from us. The first time he actually lied and claimed he was on a work trip. Now I encourage him to go, it is easier this way/
Enjoy the weekend!
"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"
“There is freedom waiting for you, On the breezes of the sky, And you ask "What if I fall?" Oh but my darling, What if you fly?”
HaWho ... I'm going to echo the other's. Some of them get all wrapped up with the things they never did. And often times, it seems like it's stuff you would do in your late teens or 20's maybe. For my H it's been scuba trips, mountain biking, weekly runs with his group that are really nothing more than keg parties.
And ciluzen, for my guy, it was fresh tomatoes. He didn't even want them on salads. Now he loves fresh tomatoes. Go figure.
HW, I wouldn't believe for a minute your h is having a grand, happy time wherever he is. I suspect the guilt and remorse about doing what he's doing is bubbling up and putting a bit of a damper on the fun. But, he will put on the mask and make you think he's having the time of his life.
In fact, that guilt may have started eating at him before he left and led to his anger with you. Just a thought.
I'm glad you and the kids are enjoying some non-stressful days. You all deserve a break.
Me: 59 and holding H: :53 Me: 1 S, 1 D, both grown M: 19 T: 23 BD: 9-23-2013
Thanks Ginger, Esame and 2x2Many. You guys are great!
2X - you may be right. I think he was picking fights to justify his MLC vacation. He was gunning for it. Just like pre-BD.
Anyway, it's been a good 2 days. H called s12 last night and s had him on speaker phone. I walked out and went upstairs but did catch him saying that the food was awful and he had nothing to eat. The food is spicy there and he hates spice.
I just rolled my eyes and trekked forward. This is of course one of the last things I said to him before he left: "you can't even stand the food." Maybe the night he returns I will order in that kind of food. Ha ha, wouldn't THAT be a hoot! I'll bat my eyes and say: "I just wanted to keep the vacation going for you."
Yesterday, I went over all the bank accounts and pored over all of h's financial activities. Seems he goes though jags of spending, but nothing absolutely nuts.
Mostly just noticing the differences from this time last year when he went on his MLC vacation. He was dim with the kids, NC with me and this year he is still NC with me but talking to the kids each night. Last night he chatted up a storm w/s12. I wasn't in the room but they talked for 15 or so minutes.
And I care much less. I worried that in the evenings I would think more about all that he was doing. But I realize I am right where I want to be! Meanwhile he is just running from himself. I feel sad that he went on vacation without his kids. So sad he does not care to share the experience with them and that the kids missed out. But, something tells me it's probably a style cramper to go clubbing with 2 kids in tow.
Today I worked and played tennis. S12 has a game tonight so I am looking forward to that.
Continuing to enjoy the drama free moments--SO many of them!!!
Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13 BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room" 8/15: H back to MBR 10/15: H back in dorm room 1/18: H files, now divorced
