Why is it every time H leaves my house he wants a hug? A long hug. If he is still on the fence, has talked about divorce, when he goes to leave, says, "Give me a hug." I can't decide if he thinks it will make me more amicable when he does file or just needs a hug? Will he keep asking for hugs at the attorney's office? I've detached as much as possible, but he keeps reeling me in.
M 25 T 29 D 22 S 18 BD 9-11-15 H says he's ambivalent about staying in the marriage
Hi Roxi, do you have another thread about your situation? My H is still on the fence and this is the 6th month of it. Wondering if there are any other similarities to our situations?
Roxi, I found your first thread and it really didn't give me much to go on so that I can provide you w/some thoughts. Can you provide us w/a bit more info? The info doesn't have to be of a specific nature, but in order to assist you, we will need to know more about his behaviors and what possibly could have led up to his MLC.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
My husband of 25 years moved out 8 months ago when his 1 year PA was discovered. OW went back to her husband. Past 8 months I have done NC, 180, GOL, lost 40 lbs, "let's work on a friendship" - you name it. We are very amicable at this point. We are both in separate IC. He won't work on the marriage because he says he wants to work on himself. He had a very rough childhood with a dad who was a serial cheater. He always gives me a hug when we see each other but other than that no affection. No time line for when a decision needs to be made. D21 graduates college this month and S18 graduates HS also this month. I hate my life being so up in the air, but I want to save the marriage. No Relationship talk lately because we have trouble with communication. Divorce will be costly as we have many entwined assets and he owns his own business. Money and credit cards are still in joint accounts. The waiting is the hardest part (Tom Petty). What has been everyone's else's experience on how situations like this end up?
M 25 T 29 D 21 S 18 BD 9/15
M 25 T 29 D 22 S 18 BD 9-11-15 H says he's ambivalent about staying in the marriage
Keep this to yourself. DO NOT share this book or this site at all with your spouse. It is your playbook and not to be shared with the "opposing" team.
It is important to clear the search/browsing history from your computer on a daily basis to prevent the possibility for your WAS to stumble on the DB site and discover your posts here on DB. Erasing the search history will protect your posts and you as well.
Sorry you are here but you will meet some wonderful people here and get some great advice.
You may be on moderation now, post in small frequent replies and stay on this thread until you reach 100 posts (for your thread, you can also post on other peoples threads to give support)
I have read a good deal of books on the subject and can give you some suggestions when you are ready.
Take the parts of this advice that you need and don't worry if I have repeated something that you have already done.
I will give you a bunch of homework assignments to read. This POST is under reconstruction and we will be working on this as time goes by, this is the most current version.
Now you have all the tools to read. Let us know how your doing and if you have any questions.
I suggest that you read the entire thread in the resources. You can also pick out some people and read their whole story.
Depression is the key to the whole thing and it is always present!
Believe none of what he/she says and 50% of what he/she does.
I would not ask him/her anything unless you can have no expectations. Sometimes asking them questions will be thought of as pressure. You do not want to do anything that can be thought of by your H/W as controlling or pressure.
Lets not worry about him/her. Lets work on you! Start your homework assignments. Something to DO while you are on moderation. GAL. Eat, sleep, exercise and take a deep breath. In general take care of your self first. Detach the single most important thing to DO.
Your H/W has given you a gift THE GIFT OF TIME use it wisely
We have been separated 8 months- both in IC. I've done all the techniques over these 8 months- GAL, 180, no contact- now we seem to be friendly and relaxed around each other. No one has filed- but how long do I wait? We've had no Relationship or reconciliation talk, but I feel the need to see where he is with this whole deal. I feel like he could do this separation forever. Any advice?
M 25 T 29 D 22 S 18 BD 9-11-15 H says he's ambivalent about staying in the marriage
H had a year long affair with a family friend- her husband found out Aug. '15 and she immediately went back with her H. He has not contact with OW since Oct. '15 when he had to see her again to "just talk for closure" and her husband caught them again in a Walmart parking lot. H says he is ambivalent about staying married or getting a divorce. We are both in IC. He says he needs to work on himself before he can work on a marriage. I got angry in April and contacted a lawyer but could not go through with paying the retainer. When I don't see him. I don't miss him, but we talk about the kids a lot, and my feelings come back. I've GOL, have lots of friends, an active social life and I sometimes feel indecisive too. He still hugs me when leaving and people say they can't believe we are on the verge on divorce because we get along so well. Son graduates from HS next week and part of me thinks he could ask for a D after that. I don't get the feeling that's where he's headed but I obviously can't read the guy- we still had sex while he was having the affair- then tells me later he hasn't been attracted to me for a while. Now he keeps me at a distance- except for the hugs. Is he playing me?
M 25 T 29 D 22 S 18 BD 9-11-15 H says he's ambivalent about staying in the marriage
I have merged your two threads together. Hopefully everything merged properly. Please keep to 100 postings/replies before starting a new thread. You can locate your postings three ways: got to My Stuff and scroll down to postings; you can also do a Search of your name; or left click on your name in any posting that you have out there and locate postings.
Last edited by job; 05/13/1607:56 AM.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
