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/i hope you have an opportunity to get as many questions answered as possible from your atty. is she a strong fathers' rights atty?


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Bttrfly is right; best not to engage as it only hurts you at this point. Plus, by listening you will learn more about how is intending to angle things and that is valuable info. heading into a meeting with your lawyer.

The "woe is me" bit about her having to birth children and carry children made me laugh out loud. Umm, well, she IS a mammal!! What did she think would happen? That she would lay an egg in the sand and walk off?


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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I'm not sure if I would can say she is a strong fathers' rights attorney but I know she is supposed to be really good. Hopefully it doesn't come to that though. She also said w's attorney was easy to work with so hopefully that helps. During my first meeting she was asking me a lot of questions to feel me out which I liked. I don't think she's the type that would represent just anyone.

I haven't communicated much with w since the other night, only about kids, bank, and taxes. I didn't realize half the mortgage was going into our joint savings on each check so that was nice to find out, idk why she didn't tell me that before though. We had to file an extension but I'm relieved something got done. I couldn't do it myself without her stuff.

W isn't going on her trip because of the snow but decided to stay in a hotel in town with the kids to go swimming. We have a nice indoor city pool but I'm not going to try to figure it out.

Thank you for making me laugh about the egg, if only I were a seahorse.

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Met with my attorney today, some good and some bad. On a good note she told me that a lot of the info w sent me was not true (i.e. state not allowing 50/50 custody, state considering it to stressful, etc) and that the visitation order her attorney sent was out of date. I gave her w's last email and she said "OMG I've never seen anything like this before." It was nothing compared to her letters she gave me at the beginning of this mess. I probably shouldn't have, but I shredded them at the time because they were so hurtful.

My attorney attempted a stipulation for shared custody as w spoke with me about before but the reply was that she was adametly opposed and she never agreed to anything of the sort. Well, I have an email from w proposing 50/50 along with a link to some different schedules. She also stated how I have caused scenes in front of the kids and have been causing a ruckus. I was also informed w was now planning on taking them again this weekend. Just last night she made sure I could pick them up Friday. What a joke lol. I wonder what w has been telling her. Looks like w is going to make things ugly. Now I have to get another retainer for a guardian attorney.

W really is gone. Never in a million years would the old w act this way.

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i'm so sorry. I'm glad you have a good attorney. Stay strong for your children. We are all here for you. I am so very sorry you are going through this. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Thank you, It really means a lot to me. I can't imagine where I'd be if I hadn't found everyone here.

The last few days have really taken a lot out of me, I've felt exhausted from the moment I wake up. I've been dreaming w is back and things are normal, I don't know what to make of that. I guess I still haven't accepted my sitch.

I called the kids' principal yesterday and let him know w and I seperated but no details of course. We've had a close relationship with him as he and the school my kids go to have been great to us. He sounded shocked as everyone else that knows. He said he has noticed s has been more sensitive lately. He told me he loves our kids and it's been great having them.

I have a meeting with the kids' teachers in the morning so I can let them know as well. I just need to make them aware as I can see it's affecting the kids, especially so with s's special needs.

Before I called the kids tonight I texted w about taxes and to ask about her dad. She replied about the taxes but that was it. I don't know if I should have but I sent another text and told her I cared how her family was and to please keep me informed. I know she must be must be really stressed again by the way she looked Monday night when she dropped the kids off. We talked a bit because I gave her the fluids for her car out of the garage because it's very specific and I saw she used the wrong oil last week when she was here when I took out the trash. The snow in the yard melted off today and there were a bunch of butts by the deck and by the front door too so she must be smoking again. She told me she spent some time in the house last week when she was taking care of the dogs last week when I was out of town. I wonder if she stayed here because there was dried up coffee grounds in the machine when I was cleaning.

I also asked w about picking up the kids Friday for this weekend and she said yes, it's your weekend. So idk what the email her attorney was talking about but I didn't bring it up.

I ran into a college friend at the store a while back and texted a bit. He said another of our friends lives here too and are planning on hanging out soon that will help me gal.

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excellent. GAL is so very important. You are exhausted because this is mentally, spiritually and physically draining. Keep taking care of yourself so that you can take care of your children.

Sounds like you are doing better than you may think you are.

xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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You must be so pleased that the kids have a good support network at school. It is so good that the principal is caring and that you kept the teachers informed.

Also, well done for GAL. I'm a bit of a loner but since reaching out to old friends I found that I really enjoyed catching up with them.


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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I am so sorry that your situation isn't any better. You did the right thing by informing the principal and teachers of the home situation. At least they are now aware of what is going on and can be more supportive of your children.

You are doing the right thing by speaking to a lawyer and protecting yourself, your children and your financial situation. I know that you didn't want to do this, but there are times when we are forced to do so. Listen to your lawyer and do not engage w/your wife any more about the financial and custody issues. Allow your lawyer to do the job that you've hired him/her to do.

Please take care of yourself and continue to do your GAL activities.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thanks for stopping by my thread everyone.

Buttrfly, I hope I'm doing better than I think. I've felt tight as a guitar string about to break on and off this week. You're so right, this drains all three aspects of a well-rounded person; mind, body, and soul.

My last couple days have been extra stressful (run in with some random jerk, legal stuff, financial surprises, toll lane bill when the only reason we have to take it is to go to the airport, kids behaving bad when I got them yesterday, kids telling me about their other house how there was too much dog poop to play in the yard and being upset their mom put their stuff in storage, hearing man in background when w called kids, etc) then before bed last night d got out her backpack, told me she missed me, and gave me a picture with a big heart that said "I love you" and had our names and love written in the heart. It melted me and it all seemed to go away.

Bttrfly, I thought about you today because there was a big butterfly on the garage door this morning (funny, ive noticed a crow hanging in the yard a few times since reading ciluzens thread too). The butterfly climbed on my finger and the kids and I took turns having it on our hands. It never did fly off. S told me what kind it was and all kinds of facts about them, it was amazing how much he knew!

Esame, I've been reading your thread and I'm sorry about your sitch, I can really relate. On top of all the similar/same mlc issues, things for my fil are not looking good and w has distanced from me more than ever. I want to be there for her but she's gone and I'm not sure what to do. Idt she's even told her parents what's going on and I don't want to add to their stress. I too am a bit of a loner. I didn't realize how much I depended on w for social things, even for contact with our mutual friends.

The kids school is great, were fortunate to have them in a small school near my house that has been awesome for us. Everyone there knows my kids and loves having them. Both the kids' teachers thanked me for coming in and told me a few things going on and said it made a lot of sense now that they knew but that acedemically they were both still way ahead:) I found out they're registered for next year ( I was out of town that week) so it made me feel a little better about my fear of her taking off but not much.

Job, as always thank you! I haven't been speaking to w about anything really, I've just sent some pics when I have the kids. Idk if I should even do that but I don't say anything with them, just pictures. I really wonder what she has told her. Amongst other things she sent my lawyer an email she needed to discuss my facebook, etc. my lawyer replied she didn't know what she was talking about because I don't have facebook. Her reply was that she had cases mixed up.

Kids and I had a great day, I think they were extremely tired and needed some good sleep and outdoor excersise. Today was much better than after I picked them up yesterday and they seem to have gotten back into the swing of things with me here. Looking forward to tomorrow.

Take care everyone, I hope you're all having a good weekend!

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Referring to w's attorney in second to last paragraph after talking about pics. Whoops.

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Hi Kyh
Loved your visit with the butterfly. Do you remember what kind it was?

You seem to be settling into the new routine.. that's good. Sorry I haven't really been around. Hard few days here. The good news is every day gets a little tiny bit better. Right now, just keep your focus on what's best for the kids and breathing. In time, you will figure out what you want this new phase of your life to be like. For now, just keep breathing through it.

In terms of your in laws, I know it's awkward. My mil had a heart attack last August. I decided to go to the hospital, with flowers, to see if she needed anything. I'm glad I did. She was afraid to take a shower without someone in the room in case she needed help. She also had nothing to drink, and needed some other things that only family members really would understand. My mom had two surgeries in that hospital, so I knew the routine and that they stock a refreshment area for patients where families can get snacks and drinks for patients in between meals. They would bring her food, she would be really hungry, start to eat, then they would come two minutes later and drag her off for testing. She suffers from hypoglycemia and "doesn't like to bother anyone" ... boy am I glad I was able to get her some snacks, a pitcher of water, an extra blanket, help with the shower, etc. I haven't seen her since, talked on the phone a few times. We've never been close, but she's been part of my family for more than half my life and she's my son's grandmother. So, take from that what works for you. Hope it helps.

xoxoxo keep hanging in there you are doing better than you think.


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Hi bttryfly, thanks for stopping by again.

It was a yellow swallow tail, it was huge. It was so cool my s was teaching me about them.

Thanks for the advise about breathing through it, lately it's almost all I can do sometimes, day to day or minute to minute. I really feel like a maniac at times then snap out of it.

I think I am just going to stay out of things with in laws, it's sad but I think it's a lose lose for me here. I just don't want to come off like an insensitive jerk.

I think w is trying to get me to react the last few days. Tuesday it snowed a lot so I texted her to stop and get the kids snow boots etc. she saw her toll bill on the counter and texted to ask if it was mine. When I told her no she asked why I didn't put it with her mail. I told her I was just going to pay it and she got an attitude about it. I didn't say anything then I got a thank you an hour or so later. I didn't want to say I didn't trust her to pay it which is really why. It also looks like she went through some of my things when she was here but if I say something I know she'll deny it and try to make me out to be the bad guy again. Then tonight I never got a call from the kids so I texted and also asked about this weekend. Again I got a text with attitude, telling me the "kids requested a lights out already but she could have them call anyway real quick." They told me they were watching a movie lol.

Also, in one of her emails that is a couple weeks old she accused me of hurting her relationship with the kids telling me they've been calling her a "bad mommy" since she left and how she had to repair her image with them. I would never say anything remotely like this but of course it's my fault. It couldn't be that she's been out running around every weekend, moving them out, putting their stuff in storage, disrupting their security, etc. Well, when I had the kids last weekend I heard s say it in a baby talk voice (we have trouble with him and now d too talking that way because he is copying a kid at school). I told him not to say that and explained how it hurt her feelings, etc. then tried to talk to him about his feelings and asked if he was having trouble. He replied, she forgot my m&ms. Oh geez, I thought about telling her about him saying this and the baby talk with it as I think he brought it home from school but idk if I should say anything or just keep staying quiet. There's no being rational with her so I probably won't.

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You are dong very well considering how things have been playing out in your situation. I think you are wise to distance yourself a bit from the in-laws for a while. Blood is always thicker than water and no one knows what they actually know about the situation and whether or not they believe her.

Yes, your wife is trying to get a reaction out of you with respect to the toll bill. She was shocked that you didn't say much about it. She had to think about it for a while before saying thank you.

She has a lot of guilt swirling around in her soul. She's trying to blame you for the relationship or lack of relationship thereof w/her kids. She doesn't want to accept that she's the reason the kids are having some issues w/her. Until she looks in the mirror and accepts responsibility for her actions, she'll continue to blame you, the kids and the man in the moon for her problems.

As for issues w/your children, it's best that you handle them when they are w/you. You'll never get your point across with her at this time. They are hearing that baby talk somewhere and I suspect your wife is encouraging it. Children don't normally fall back into that after a certain age.

I'm very sorry that things are still a bit all over the place, but you are doing a great job in meeting each obstacle head on. Keep up the good work!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I haven't posted for a little while but have been reading the threads every day. Over the last couple weeks I've had some trouble being in LBS replay, depressed and angry. I can't get it all off my mind and out of my dreams, it's been so consuming. I've also been having lots of dreams that w has come back which are also upsetting.

I was out of town this week and Thursday afternoon, on my way back, she asked if I wanted to take the kids that night. Well, I'm not going to say no, especially with her requested custody bs, so I hurried home 8 hours so I could get an hour or so time with them. Unfortunately it gave me a lot of time to stew and I realized it was cinco de mayo and she probably wanted to go out or had other plans. She promptly had the kids over to drop off when I got back (unlike her because she's always late) and I was so upset I could barely look at her or talk to her. Why am I humiliated when it's her actions to be ashamed of? My night didn't get much better because it upset me more that it takes about a day for the kids to get back into our normal swing of things and they test me constantly during that time. After they went to bed I let it out realizing I was nothing to come back to in this state. Why would she want an angry, bitter, or depressed h? I was driving her towards om. I think another part of this problem my feeling bad was Mother's Day coming up. I always made it special for w. Before all this she has been such a great mother to our kids; it's still unbelievable this has all happened.

Since me going cold wasn't working I decided to do a coaching session Friday. It helped me think of all the tools I've forgotten about. We talked about me needing to forgive her for my own sake and I realized I had angrily detached. Well, at least partially, I know I haven't completely detached and don't know if I ever really can, she was my best friend. In fact, I was going to take a family picture of us down but when I had it in my hands looking at it I was looking at another person that I feel died with our friend. I put it back up.

Since things have seemed go be getting worse lately (no to very little contact and more distancing) I decided to try something different than she would expect. The kids made her some things at school for Mother's Day and Friday after school we went and picked her out a nice piece of jewlry (something I did on the regular before the kids and marriage) and they painted the box.

She was pretty cold and didn't respond yesterday when I sent her some pics of the kids at family day at the museum which made my mind more crazy as she usually does but I tried not to let it get to me. We did joke just a bit last night texting after she talked to the kids when I texted to explain why she heard me yell when she was on the phone with them but I couldn't shake the feeling she was with om because of her delays and sloppy texts. I left for a minute and they put a whole new meaning to butt dialing and credit card call, and I had to give my phone a good bleaching! Lol

She came over this morning to get them for Mother's Day and I told her to come in to get them. I apologized for the other night and told her I didn't want her to feel unwelcome. I swapped car seats while she went in, unfortunately there was I suitcase in her car so I know I wasn't being crazy but I did my best to ignore it. She was dressed in a new short skirt and looked nice but really tired. When I came in she asked about her necklace, told me it was nice and she liked it, and thanked me. I told her happy Mother's Day and we talked a few minutes before they left. I struggled but managed to hold it in until they left then let it out. I kept busy fixing my car, doing some housework, and job hunting today.

Since what I've been doing hasn't been working, when she brought the kids back I asked if she would like to have dinner with us. She asked if I was sure it was okay and then agreed. She stayed around about 10-15 minutes while it was cooking but then said it was that time and she needed to go because there wasn't anything here for her. I got to talk to her just a bit about some safe things and ask about her dad during that time. She joked about my phone again too.

Even though she didn't stay for dinner I think it was a step in the right direction. When she picks up the kids d's hair and nails are done, both kids are dressed nice and happy, the house is clean, etc. as always. And this weekend she got jewelry and an offer for a nice dinner in spite of everything. Hopefully that gave her something to think about.

I hope you all had a great Mother's Day! I know all the moms here definitely deserve it. Take care.

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Well things this week have been better.

Monday morning s was complaining he didn't feel good early in the morning . The kids always try to fake sick so I thought was doing the same and had him reading a book while I was in the shower, I heard him yell and he got sick in the living room. He was better a little later so I took him to work with me (I left early Friday because I had 16 hours of extra time in and got a call from a client that they needed a plan done asap so I promised it Monday and had to go in). I let w know and she said she would come get him in a bit. I got sick at work and had to go home too. W texted saying she was coming and then got an attitude when I told her we weren't there. I wonder if she was testing me because I Apologized and told her I was going to text when we got home and then she turned nice. She stopped by the house and I told her s could stay w me since we were both sick. She agreed and said she would come back later. In the meantime I got a call from the school and had to go get d too. It was sad, when I picked her up s said to her, the bad news is we're all sick but the good news is we get to go to dad's house:(

When I texted to let w know she got an attitude again about why the school called me and not her, and went on. I stayed calm and then she turned nice again. She came by later in the afternoon to get them and stayed for an hour or so. When she wanted to leave s started crying, it was obvious he wanted to stay but idk if it hit her through the fog.

She had them home the next day too. I told her to let me know if she needed anything, etc. and I hoped she didn't get it. Since then she's been texting me about little things every day and we even briefly spoke on the phone a few times. I didn't get one text from her and she got a little defensive when I told her because I didn't know what she was talking about. Then she sent me screen shots. I told her it wasn't a big deal and no worries. Then she got nice again. She's also started using exclamations and faces in her texts instead of stone cold minimal words. Last night she called after I talked to the kids to tell me sorry they hung up abruptly and tonight she texted after I talked to them. I wished her a good night and she did the same back.

I'm not having any expectations or getting my hopes up but this change has been nice. I'm trying to to seem to be pursuing, etc. but trying being a little more interactive without overdoing it.

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I hope that everyone has recovered from being sick and looking forward to the weekend.

I think that when you treat your w as a friend and keep to safe topics, such as the children and not have expectations, she tends to warm up a bit towards you. I would continue as you have been and keep those expectations very low, almost to zero. Can you treat her as a friend and not expect her to act like the old wife? If you can do that, she may very well warm up even more towards you and the family.

Keep up the good work!


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you Job. It will be hard but I have to keep trying to treat her as a friend without expecting her to act as old w at this point. I can't keep living like I was and things certainly weren't getting any better. The thing is, around b drop time she told me I was a good person amongst other things and she thought we could be really good friends, totally not realizing she doesn't treat her other friends like poop and how bad she was hurting me.

She texted me again tonight to bring me the credit card she swore she didn't have (she found it) and to see if she got any mail. I didn't tell her I canceled it since she got a letter today anyway and I think if I told her I canceled it she would react badly. She said she would stop tomorrow. More incentive to keep this up! Just remembering not to have any expectations and keep being the h she'd be a fool to leave.

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Hi Kyh,
I'm sorry about what you are going through. I'm in a similar situation with my husband. But the friendlier I behave the more surprised he is and it makes him avoid me even more. He shouted at me that at first he's the bad one and now I'm nice to him and he doesn't know what to expect. Since he says he wants our marriage to end and that's it, he is running away every time he's around me. So, I decided I will have no contact except e-mail about kids, very factual. I didn't contact him for a few days. Then he started to e-mail. He is coming to cook for kids today and take them to tennis. I'll make sure I won't be home before he comes. Our kids are teenagers which makes no contact (or rather very limited contact easier). What is your story? For how long this is going on?
You must be a very nice person. My husband ignored Mother's Day. When I mentioned to him that he could at least say happy M's day as we spent the day together driving back home from a long weekend with the kids in our home country, he said he would even buy flowers and took us for dinner if he could be sure I didn't misundertand that as him wanting to be back with me!!!
I personally cannot or don't want to be friends with my husband. Love him too much to be able to be friends. Especially that he sees himself married with 20 years younger girl (he is her boss) in the near future... Being friends would mean that he'll get the best from both worlds. So what would be his motivation to consider coming back?

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W and kids stopped over this morning while I was having breakfast. She always looks so tired. She said they had plans for the day (d mentioned last night they had to stay out of the house all day but I didn't push the subject, quite strange though) and were going to go out to breakfast. The kids asked if there was any bacon, I told them no but told w I could make some if she wanted. She said sure, if you want to make them breakfast that is fine (I've always made weekend breakfasts for us). I asked if she wanted breakfast too but she declined after thinking about it s few seconds. We talked while I made breakfast and the kids ate.

During this time I offered to give her money for groceries or whatever since she had the kids most of the time, she said no she was doing fine and it started to be slightly awkward, but I just said I don't mean anything by it but the offer is on the table if you want it. She said thanks and we dropped it. I also asked about her dad and told her my sister was expecting. She told me to tell her congratulations then asked if I thought it was alright for her to let her know herself. I told her yes and that there were no ill feelings from my family. She scoffed and I told her "honey (whoops, it slipped) I have told them very little", which is true. I don't want her to feel she can never come back or want them to be judge mental. She looked relieved. We talked a little more and she asked if I wanted to go with them to a rock/fossil show where she was taking the kids to meet with son's friend's family. I told her I didn't want to interrupt her day but she said it was okay so I accepted. She cleaned a spot in her car while I ran to the bank. Omg she's trashing her car like a teenager. We had small talk and it went well but we did separate most of the time we were there but did talk a little while looking at some jewelry. She brought me back before they went to lunch but wasn't in a hurry or anything so I think it went well.

Still remembering to keep my expectations at zero but it was a nice morning.

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Originally Posted By: Bee29
Hi Kyh,
I'm sorry about what you are going through. I'm in a similar situation with my husband. But the friendlier I behave the more surprised he is and it makes him avoid me even more. He shouted at me that at first he's the bad one and now I'm nice to him and he doesn't know what to expect. Since he says he wants our marriage to end and that's it, he is running away every time he's around me. So, I decided I will have no contact except e-mail about kids, very factual. I didn't contact him for a few days. Then he started to e-mail. He is coming to cook for kids today and take them to tennis. I'll make sure I won't be home before he comes. Our kids are teenagers which makes no contact (or rather very limited contact easier). What is your story? For how long this is going on?
You must be a very nice person. My husband ignored Mother's Day. When I mentioned to him that he could at least say happy M's day as we spent the day together driving back home from a long weekend with the kids in our home country, he said he would even buy flowers and took us for dinner if he could be sure I didn't misundertand that as him wanting to be back with me!!!
I personally cannot or don't want to be friends with my husband. Love him too much to be able to be friends. Especially that he sees himself married with 20 years younger girl (he is her boss) in the near future... Being friends would mean that he'll get the best from both worlds. So what would be his motivation to consider coming back?


Hi Bee,

I just saw you posted before my last reply. I'm sorry you found yourself here but you'll find a lot of good people going through the same or similar situations.

To answer your question, in a nutshell, I thought I had a great marriage so all this blind sighted me. We never argued, have two great kids, just moved to an area we had been trying to get to for awhile, bought a nice house, w just started working and things were looking good(in hindsight I can see we were in a bit of a rut though, but nothing to justify any of this. I can also see w has been depressed though, she's also dealing, or rather not dealing, with a medical issue).

At the end of last summer a friend of ours (mostly to w, I wasn't real close but her and I hung out quite a bit while she was pregnant and she stayed with us a few times, did her laundry at our house, etc.) died in an accident. It hit us both hard and I was depressed for awhile, even more so after BD which made it worse. Shortly after the accident, w started to distance from me, then told me I acted just like her parents (she didn't have a good childhood and this couldn't be further from the truth) and it just kept getting worse from there. The way I found this forum is searching several of the things she told me in one search and it was the first thing to come up. Basically before I found this place and the books, I was doing everything wrong, begging, pleading, etc. and it was making it worse. She said I was smothering and at the same tell me I was distant. lots of crazy talk. There was no winning. For example, buying flowers would get her mad at me, try to be close and she'd run, give her space and she'd stay out partying. Plus she was projecting on me big time and it was making me crazy (my IC picked up on that right away). She would say how terrible I was and then turn around and say I deserved better than her. Just nuts. Everything going on matched up exactly with the MLC descriptions here and in the DR book. W wouldn't go to counseling, everything is my fault, etc. etc. I guess that's the gist of it, I could ramble for days about the things I was told and what she's done. The more you read the more you'll see common themes (e.g. death, childhood issues, fear of aging).

At this point I really don't know what I'm doing. I just know what I was doing wasn't working so I'm trying something new. But I do know if I would have tried this a month or two ago she would've ran further. The MLCer is so hard to deal with. IDK if I should be giving any advice but reach deep in and look for patience, read the DR book and about the LBS stages and MLC stages and other homework, listen to Job, and take in as much as you can from everyone here but don't forget to take care of yourself first.

Thank you for the compliment and sorry you got ignored on Mother's Day, no mother deserves that. I'm sure you've seen it's a common theme from the MLCer reading the posts. I think it really threw my w when I was nice on Mother's day as she has been extra awful to me on holidays.

I completely understand how you feel about loving your h too much to be just friends and having the best of both worlds. The advice I was given was to not let the OW take up space in my mind (easier said than done I know) and work on myself. Be a woman he'd be a fool to leave and an example to your kids.

I hope this helps, sending positive vibes your way.

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^I forgot the part of my story where she lined pillows up down the middle of the bed (I think this is when OM came into picture), then moved into the basement for a few months, and then moved out while I was out of town. How'd I forget that? lol


Interestingly, tonight my sister got a hold of me to ask about w contacting her to see what was up. She said she texted to tell her congratulations and that they texted quite a bit and that they had a nice conversation. She was really taken back as w distanced from my family one by one. I told her a little about what was up lately and just told her to be herself and not worry about it. I was surprised she actually had a conversation and didn't just say congratulations. W called me again tonight after I talked to the kids too just to tell me what they were doing and to apologize for them not talking long. I kept it short and told her thanks for calling and thanks again for inviting me this morning.

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Kyh,
So sorry to hear all that! Your story is very similar to mine. We also just achieved what we wanted and planned for years (reconstruction of the house so kids can have their own floor and everyone has more privacy, buying slightly bigger apartment in our home country where we return on regular basis, so kids have their own room & don't protest when we want to spend weekend there). We could go for dinner just the two of us w/o paying sitters to be with the kids, we built a fireplace which we always wanted etc. Well, we did not enjoy it together for long...
Though my husband moved out (on my request) when I was at home (still reproaches to me that I "kicked him out" and he did not have enough time to look for an appropriate accommodation, which is not true BTW) I am afraid he will move his remaining stuff (which is still a lot) while I will be away for 4 days at the end of this month and he will come to stay with the kids in our house. I'm sure it'll hurt me when I come back and will see those empty shelves but there is not much I can do. And it's maybe better when we don't see them moving out, isn't it?
Like you, I also had pillows between us. It's strange that they do it. He could sleep in the guest room if he wanted. I just don't understand that.
My husband was also avoiding my family (guilt?) but then was extremely happy when they sent him a card and a present for his 50th b-day.

I can see that just like me you are trying to have 0 expectation but then are happy for any smaller or bigger gesture/action that shows some emotion from them. I noticed that even my son pays attention to those. My son told me the other day, did you notice that dad called you "darling" again. I did notice, also noticed how surprised and uncomfortable it made him. But, for a second there, it made me happy... I just need to learn not to read much into it. And, if you saw my thread, I'm now going to apply as strictly as possible no contact. So I won't have many opportunities to get those small things from him. But I found that I'm much more balanced when I don't see him. We'll see how long it will last.
Wish you all the best and a lot of strength to get through it. Will follow your story & will hope with you for the best.

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Hi again, I reread through your thread but thought I'd post here again. Again, I'm sorry for your situation, I know how hard this is for both for you and you sons. My parents separated several times while I was growing up so I've kind of felt this from different angles in a way even though idt their's were mlc. I always swore I would never let it happen to me and my family from a young age, unfortunately we can only do so much and have no control over others and here I am. However, our situations are different from mine growing up and your sons are truly lucky to have a you as their rock!

There is so much all of our mlc situations have in common its eerie. Yeah, what's up with the pillow thing? I think others have mentioned it too, it must be hard-wired in their brains. I think your h saying you kicked him out is him making you to be the bad guy for his own mind's sake. I know my w played a similar tune. And yes, maybe it is better we don't see them moving out but it is faint-hearted. I guess it shows how hurt our spouses really are, they don't have the tools they need. After the sting, it's little things like not having our friend's baking dish that I used a lot or d's microphone stand (she was looking for it here and only used it with me) that still upset me though.

Following your thread too and you've got good advice. Will be thinking of you, Take care!


Kinda weird but I got out my laptop to reply last night. I saved an old picture with our friend that I got off our old hard drive after our friend passed to the desktop. I opened it and there was a lady in it that now I can see was in mlc. She was a client where they worked and prob 20 years older than w and friends and was including herself in their plans all the time. They all thought it was bizairre and her behaviour was ridiculous. I remember being embarrassed when she was out with us. Now w has become her! I wish w could see that. Nothing to talk about really, just struck me as strange.

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Not much new but I'm seeing mlc spaciness in full swing. S got picked to be in the school talent show which was yesterday. W sent me a picture of a form from school 2-3 weeks ago with the times and his was in the morning. I had a big work meeting for a contract coming up and I scheduled it and meeting with people to travel around it so I could leave immediately after he was done. I left work early and went to the school it started and I never saw w come in and s wasn't on the program. I double checked the picture she sent and texted her part way through it to see what was up. She texted back telling me he was in the afternoon session, I told her the form she sent said the morning. She said she was sorry but she thought she told me about it changing times Saturday morning when she was over. I didn't argue or make anything of it but I know she didn't. I even asked her to watch the dogs and told her I had to leave at noon right after etc., frustrating but we texted a bit keeping everything friendly. We texted a little while I was traveling too and she emailed me a video. Her texts were nicer again with smile frown lol, !s, etc.

I saw it Last weekend too, when I went with them to the show, she took a long way to get there, then when bringing me home drove by the exit, not noticing until I told her, and had to turn around. She really is forgetful/spacey right now.

She texted this afternoon to ask when I'd be home. I texted back to let her know it would be soon and to thank her for watching the dogs, and again later for the video after I got home since I had to use a computer to watch it. She told me the kids had dr appts today so we texted a little about that too.

After I called them tonight she texted me again to tell me they were tired because she had to get up early to take care of a lot of things. I validated and we texted just a bit.

She's communicating with me a lot more still and it's nicer. I could also tell she hung out in the house a bit when I was gone. I think that is probably a good thing. Still keeping my expectations low but hopefully the kindness is giving her something to think about.

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Kyh,

Yes, they become spacey and forgetful during the crisis. It's like they zone out for a bit and are just floating in outer space. It's the depression.

I see a lot of baby steps in your posting. By treating her as a friend and keeping your expectations at zero, she's warming up a bit. Keep dropping those friendship kibbles so that she can come along and gobble them up.

Keep digging for patience. This is a long trip, but you are doing a great job!


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The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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I've kept up with the friendly texts, trying to keep my expectations low but it's hard.

We had good text conversations last week, nothing long, mostly friendly small talk referring to the kids. I wasn't sure about it but I invited w to go up in the mountains hiking or fishing (whichever the kids picked) this weekend. Her reply was "oh really? I already have plans otherwise I would:(" Then a couple minutes later she sent another thanking me for inviting her and said "maybe next time!" I told her I'd send pics. The next day she texted to tell me she left the car seats in the garage with some small talk and told me the kids bedroom doors I was painting in the garage looked nice and more small talk. Over the weekend we had more small talk and I sent pics of us fishing and the kids haircuts then kids playing d's made up ice cube trampoline stick hockey game (they've been getting into the playoffs watching with me) and things were nice and friendly. Later she sent pictures of some character pillows she bought and asked me to show them. I validated and built up their response and more small talk.

Then yesterday I sent another pic of the kids fishing and got a short response. She didn't send their lunch boxes and I asked if I could get them last night and she said she wasn't in town, I know it was partially me but I think her tone changed.

Also, last week she emailed me and asked if I had any ideas for the kids and this summer because she didn't know what to do. I told her I'd check with a friend of my mom's because she had a younger d that might be interested in watching them and she thought it was a good idea. Then Friday she asked what I wanted to do for a summer schedule. I said that I thought every other week was good and fair and normal for the situation. Then no reply to email until this morning. She said she thought every other week was too stressful for the kids and from what she's heard that's not normal and too much. This kills me, the kids were asking me why we didn't get to hang out more , s said "why can't we switch like every other day" this weekend. And from what she's heard according to who? Lol, her lawyer, boss/coworkers, roommate, om? Her tune changed here for some reason too.

I told her I didn't think it was and what the kids said but not much more. I was frustrated and thought it was best to not say much. Then she replied more of the same and tried to make my work travel a bigger issue than it is. I haven't replied yet. Not sure what to say yet.

D had her kindergarten program today so I had to put my frustration aside. I sat by w and startled her when I sat down, she didn't even notice me walk by 2 feet in front of her. Kept it friendly and took kids after school to exchange s's shoes I got him yesterday because he said they hurt this morning. I took them got ice cream after and texted w to see if she wanted anything. She didn't reply in time so I got her something. I think she was surprised. She came over and was here a little while but acting different, ate her ice cream though. Then tonight I texted to have her let me know when it was a good time to say goodnight to the kids and she was nice again. Then I told her I was supposed to meet the babysitter and her mom later this week and to see if she wanted to also and no reply, weird....she's so "worried" about the schedule and what's good for them but didn't respond to that?

I'm trying to understand why she's trying to keep them from me yet knows I'm a great dad. Control, somehow protecting her child self from her parents, jealous? This was upsetting today but I'm trying to stay positive and kill her with kindness.

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Ugh.. her craziness is in full swing again. IDK how to handle this. As I mentioned above, she asked me about what I wanted to do for this summer's schedule and we were being friendly. Now she's telling me it's too difficult for the kids to do every other week. Really? but her running around cheating, staying out getting drunk, breaking up the family, taking them from me, moving out leaving the house like a deadbeat renter, focused on money of all else is fine for them...sorry for the rant, it's what I want to tell her but know I can't, very frustrated today and need to get some of this out.

I did email her back this morning and told her that I haven't come across anything about every other week being a problem and that there shouldn't be any issue with us sharing time equally. I also told her the kids asked to spend more time with me this weekend and it's sad. crickets

I also texted her this morning about meeting the babysitter just to see if she got it because I think that would be important and that she'd want to meet her. She said yes she got it but she forgot to text back. Then told me she "trusts my judgment on who would watch them on my time." Through last week's texts we had discussed having the babysitter come to my house to watch them this summer so they had the yard, trampoline, pool, greenway, school playground, etc., now she's saying on my time and not wanting to give me any, acting like she's doing me some favor my giving any time to me. I guess she expects them to sit in her house with a sitter because the kids tell me the yard has too much dog poop to play, and they told me this weekend her roommate got another dog, wow that's great.

So she went off to OM's this weekend and has a big attitude change. I also think she's talking to her boss and/or attorney (met her through her boss) and they're all nuts as far as I can see. They haven't suggested to her to help herself, just go out drinking and leave your family at home, and I have to assume they know about OM and her too. Something seems to have happened since last week. I texted her I was confused about this as it's not what we had been talking about...no response.

So now IDK how to arrange my babysitter when I don't even know a schedule, when, or how long I'll have them, or if she'll even still be interested. She might need something more steady.

IDK what to do about this now or how to respond to w. She didn't get her way and now she's trying to take the kids from me. So frustrating. Sorry again for the rants, I just can't believe this!

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Job, thank you for bringing up the do's and don'ts thread. I needed to read that today! Trying to stay positive and keep my head.

Sorry in advance, I feel stupid talking about my texts/emails like this but I am anyway, just typing it helps.

Tonight she texted me and said she just saw my text from this morning and she didn't know what I was talking about with the sitter. I reread my emails to make sure I'm not crazy (well rereading above obviously I am) and I just replied why I thought that (vaguely) and then said there was miscommunication. Her next couple of texts were then friendly.

She also emailed (IDK why we can't stick to one form of communication)about our schedule, telling me how every other week was too hard on the kids. She suggested we alternate having them 2 weeks at a time over the summer and that she talked to them and that's what they want (oh my) and that she didn't want to spend all her time traveling (IDK where she's planning on going, and that often since I said I was more than willing to be flexible for that sort of thing).

Is every other week really unreasonable or hard on them? I would think 2 weeks would be harder, plus what kind of parent wouldn't want see their kid for 2 weeks at a time!? Our current schedule tears me up. She's dead set on it. I haven't replied yet.

I'm trying not to give OM sitch any of my energy but I think maybe she wants the time to go there because he is 7 hours away(she thinks they are going to take over the state with their business, ugh...it's like a teenager believing the spiel of a scumbag, sad and disgusting). She also knows this schedule could potentially give me trouble at work which would give her leverage in custody. All this worries me because of her wanting to move there to work with him. I don't even want to think of this or her taking the kids there but I think I'm stupid if I don't. She claims it's all about the kids but I know who she's looking out for first. She also said she doesn't need any sitter/daycare for her 2 weeks so I guess she's only going to work every other 2 weeks!?

I don't want to quit DBing but I need to look out for my kids first and foremost. Still planning on keeping up with the kindness but wow, it's sure hard sometimes. Is every other week really hard on kids? I haven't found anything on it searching and I think it is her lawyer's input. IDT it is but I'm questioning myself since I'm feeling like I'm losing it. Should I just agree to the 2 weeks? I don't want to fight a battle I can't win with her but I have legitimate concerns as I mentioned above. I'm afraid if I try to stick to every other week she will turn nasty and try to take my time away, then I'll be waiting on the mercy of the court. It's how her family operates and how she's turned.

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I have never heard of a two week alternation schedule. Your intuition is spot on--it is not normal to want to go two weeks without seeing your kids. As a mother, that would kill me. I am sorry but I believe she has a motive that benefits her and her lifestyle. I think the kids have nothing to do with it. And I also would be very worried about that 7 hour drive.

My advice is do not agree to anything until you really think this through. In fact say nothing about it. Maybe consult with a pediatrician and a child therapist? This is too big a decision to which to acquiesce before you have really looked at it every which way. Just because she is squeezing you for an answer does not mean you have to make a rash decision. And it's awful that she pre-closed your kids on this. That was very sneaky of her. Your kids are way too young to even know what that alternation schedule really means.

Personally, the families I know who share custody, switch parents several times a week!!! They go a few days at each parent's house.

What does your lawyer say about the legalities of this? Is she still in the same state when she is 7 hours away with OM? I would counter (with my lawyer and a therapist) is it good for kids to drive two 7 hour trips every two weeks? They will tire of that; let me assure you.

Just slow down, think and ask experts.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
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Kyh - one last thought. In re-thinking this, the place to start is with your lawyer. Determine what your rights are as a father. I find it hard to believe that your w can dictate that you can only see your kids every 2 weeks!

She is the one choosing to go 7 hours away. Whatever the rotation schedule is, I would fight for her to have to drive them door-to-door as you certainly don't want to be driving all, of part of, that ridiculous commute on a regular basis.

Also, one tactic to consider with your lawyer is that you need a sitter to help you while you work. Sitters need reliable hours! Very few sitters are going to be hung ho about working every 2 weeks. And if this effects your work, your lawyer should know that, too. But the bottom line is: what are YOUR rights here?

She is the one choosing to go 7 hours away so that 2 week rotation schedule really benefits HER. I would keep copies of everything she has written about this. Her message even says she is traveling and doesn't want to do all that driving.

Boo hoo. She is a mother and that is a full time job! It is not something you just squeeze in between your summer travel plans. Fight for YOUR rights.

Ridiculous.


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
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We let both boys teachers know as well. Same reaction, you could tell they were shocked. H is president of the parent advisory council so he puts on a good face in public.

One of the teachers did alert us to some small issues with younger S. Said he was restless and lacking focus. I explained, of course we all are. It's going to take time to get into a new routine. We talked to S and according to teacher there have been no more issues.

So smart move alerting the school. Good job keeping focus on kids.


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Hi Kyh, I agree with HaWho that it'd be good to consult a lawyer. Especially if you suspect that she may want to go work with him at some point. It's very important that you know what your rights are.
Many of my friends with shared costudy have kids every 2 weeks during summer holidays. One of them one month her, one month the father. I'm not sure I'd survive that but she said she got used to it & it's easier travel arrangement-wise. Their kids are still small.

Be strong & try to negotiate what's best for you (well, best under the circumstances). I would do everything in writing as they are very unstable in their thinking & decision making, it seems.


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Originally Posted By: Kyh

I don't want to quit DBing but I need to look out for my kids first and foremost. Still planning on keeping up with the kindness but wow, it's sure hard sometimes. Is every other week really hard on kids? I haven't found anything on it searching and I think it is her lawyer's input. IDT it is but I'm questioning myself since I'm feeling like I'm losing it. Should I just agree to the 2 weeks? I don't want to fight a battle I can't win with her but I have legitimate concerns as I mentioned above. I'm afraid if I try to stick to every other week she will turn nasty and try to take my time away, then I'll be waiting on the mercy of the court. It's how her family operates and how she's turned.


Ok ... standing up for your rights as a father is not tossing the towel in and putting DBing on hold. Thing is ... as men, you can not be a doormat, its unattractive regardless if she is in MLC or not .... as a father allowing MLC crazy to take your kids 7 hours away is even more madness. Get with a lawyer and see what YOUR rights are ... your MLCW thinks this game should follow her rules, do not be afraid to stand up for yourself, put your foot down and say no.... sure she will spin/spew and monster as the teenager was just told No by her authority figure .. tough-chit.
No way would I have ever allowed my Son out of county/State ... pretty sure they need consent to do that ... consult with a lawyer now, not later.


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I agree with cali that you need to fight for your rights as a father. I fault hard for mine. I did not accept that the mother is automatically the best parent for the children. I believe the court system may frown on uprooting the children to another state. The court wants this to have as little of an impact on the children as possible. The only reason I can see for her doing a two weeks on and two weeks off is to get them established in a school system in the other state. Once she has them established there then the other state also gets involved and it will become a much more difficult situation. I agree that your first cal has to be to an attorney. You should be able to prevent them from leaving the state until it has all been litigated.


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Thanks for the replies everyone. I do need to reiterate that I think the OM in the other city (same state) is the motive but IDK for sure; however, she mentioned it once so I doubt she's forgotten about it and it makes some sense out of her nonsense. I also don't know if she wants to take the kids there or just go herself on her proposed 2 weeks off. But she did bring up travel and I told her I would be willing to be flexible if she was taking a vacation so something is up. I'm no dummy, I know where she's been going when I have the kids.

Hawho, thank you for everything, but especially telling me to slow down. I had myself worked up over the last couple days and needed to take a step back to breathe and think.

I've only been communicating about this sort of thing by email or text so it is all in writing. I also forwarded everything to my attorney this morning. She agrees it is ridiculous but said it would be something to talk to the guardian attorney about. And it just so happens I got paperwork from her to get started. I called this morning to see if there was anything I needed to do besides bring her my retainer. She wants a list of references so I made a few calls today and am going to stop in with my retainer tomorrow. I didn't want to list references without letting asking/letting people know first. Can I list everyone here? LOL.

I emailed w this afternoon and told her I researched and every other week is not unreasonable and that 2 weeks is a long time for a kid not to see a parent and that I would be willing to be flexible (and hopefully vice versa)if she wants to take a vacation, or for events on off weeks, etc.; things a logical, thoughtful parent would think and say and asked her again to do every other week. If she doesn't I will speak with the other attorney.

Cali, thank you for the advice about not being a doormat and how it doesn't mean I have to stop DBing. I sometimes forget not to get sucked up into her crazy MLC tornado and let it get me a little crazy myself.

LT, I did check with the principal and w did enroll them for next year, but I won't let it get my guard down. There's no knowing what they're thinking and something is definitely up with the 2 week thing.

I talked to step MIL (adopted MIL rather) today and it was nice. I always feel better after talking to her. She invited me and the kids up too so I am going to try to make a trip sometime this summer when things settle down. I thought maybe w had spoke with her (I was actually hoping so) but she hasn't since Christmas. Par for the MLCer abandoning those close to them, she would have always been her go to.

Oh, and remember the toll bill I mentioned a while back? the one I wasn't going to give her because I didn't think she would remember to pay it. I got a letter today from collections, I literally LOL'd after I opened it and saw what it was. At least this bill was peanuts. Unfortunately, it is more reassurance my instincts are not off.

Thanks again everyone!

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OMG it's happening and I'm losing it. I told her again I wanted a biweekly schedule yester day and got back another with ridiculous custody proposals. my email this morning and there was one (from 530 am) there that she was taking the kids and moving. IDK what to do I've contacted both of my attorneys and am waiting to hear back. I called the school to see if they're there and it doesn't officially start yet. I'm afraid she's going to try to go this weekend. The kids were out of control when I talked to them last night so I wonder if she was packing. IDK what to do right now I feel so helpless... She can't just do this... I don't know if I should call the police or anything crazy without speaking to my lawyers....ugh...

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I've somewhat calmed down, trying to breath through this. The kids aren't in school, w won't answer. All signs point to that she left. I spoke to my attorney and we are going to file for emergency relief. Still waiting to hear from guardian attorney. I spoke with her yesterday so she knows I was afraid of this happening.

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KYH, I'm sorry to hear this. Do follow the advice of your L, try to stay calm and take any due legal steps needed.

Keep posting and take care my friend x


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We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
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OMG, so I got an email from w that she doesn't want to correspond outside of an attorney and that's why didn't answer. So I call the school back and the secretary tells me she said they aren't absent. So I misheard her and got all this started with attorneys and made myself look bad. I hope this doesn't hurt me down the road. My state won't appoint shared custody unless both parents agree, this is sickening since I know her plan is in full swing as I suspected.

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BREATHE! Follow your lawyer's advice. You can't rationalize w/someone who is emotional and off the rails. At some point, you may get the opportunity to let her know that you misheard her about the kids being in school.

For now, focus on you...it's a two step forward, one step back dance right now. You can't "assume" anything that she may do.

Continue to move forward.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you job and Sotto! Sotto, later today I remembered your post from awhile back. "I remain calm in the face of fear. I remain calm in the face of pain. I remain calm in the face of anger. I remain calm in the face if surprises. I remain calm in the face of anything. I remain calm. I breathe into fear. I breathe into pain. I breathe into anger. I breathe into surprises. I breathe into anything. I breathe."

So through a bunch of correspondence, I found out today that w is planning her move in July and the guardian attorney advised her to tell me of her plans (I told her this was a major concern of mine yesterday at our first meeting so it must have come up later when w talked to her). In an email I was told she thought every other week was appropriate until w moves and then every 2 weeks after that. W's attorney said how w got a raise but has to move and also has now mentioned "dirty laundry", how w can't talk to me (well we've been texting and she's come over here etc), and how I can't have custody and keep my job, etc in her email to the other attorneys in. In w's email to me she says she got a change in job title and increase in commission rate (not the same as raise!), especially since where she is moving is a dying city, there was just a news article how the streets were lined with for sale signs! It's a bust town, there is even a syndrome named after that town!

Stressful day but I did speak w my boss and he said they'd work with me to do whatever I needed in regard to travel.

I have a meeting with the guardian attorney Tuesday, I've printed off all the emails from w, good and bad, I plan on laying it all out for her. Trying to keep my head up and think positive.

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here's the thing: what you have done is shown that you won't mess around if she takes the kids. So, that's not a bad thing. You cannot change what's happened, only move forward. Keep breathing. Keep moving forward with your lawyers ...You can do this. We are here for you.
xoxoxo


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Thank you buttrfly. I had a tough weekend, worried sick and not sleeping again and it was so nice to read this before I left for work and my appointment this morning.

I found out Saturday that w's move in date is the 12th of this month so every other week is out of the question. I met with guardian attorney this morning and we talked for 2 hours and I think it went well. She had the same concerns I have that I didn't even have to bring up. She is going to meet with w and then do a home visit with each of us. I feel better after today, hopefully I can sleep tonight.

I texted with w tonight and we agreed to every 2 weeks for the summer. I spoke with guardian attorney about this today and I feel it was best considering where things are at in the sitch. I just can't see how any other schedule is even close to acceptable for the kids or me. Best of the worst I guess.

I asked w if I could have them to go out for ice cream tonight and she dropped them off for awhile. We had a good night and w was here for about an hour when she picked them up; however, I think she was being nice since she got her way (in part at least). Kids had a good night though, so in turn I did too.

Another part of my stress/not sleeping is my brother is getting married this weekend so the cats out if the bag because the last thing I want to do is answer where w is all weekend. For the most part, I feel people here are really the only ones who understand, as IDT this isn't a normal split.

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Hi Kyh,
maybe the summer schedule will work out well for you & the kids. And you can always change it if it doesn't (well, most likely only if the kids are not happy but you can always try).
As for the wedding, make it only about your brother. You deserve to have some fun so just tell everyone that it's your brother's day & you don't want to spoil it.
I know it's difficult but... My h & I went for the wedding of his cousin earlier this year, after we separated. And I must say it would have been better if he didn't go. He didn't talk to anyone, was visibly down while I was dancing & talking with his family & our kids. He was just watching from the distance. Everyone wanted to know what's wrong with him, asking me, of course... But I didn't let him spoil the fun.
Be strong & try to get some sleep! Will think of you during the weekend!


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Thank you Bee! That's so nice!

I've been trying to catch up on threads after being gone a few days but haven't got far. I was going to this evening but got an email from the guardian attorney about doing a visit this week and I have barely went into the basement since w left so I had to start cleaning after I put the kids to bed tonight. I cleaned the downstairs bathroom w was using before she moved out. Unbelievable, just gross.

My end of last week/weekend was pretty good but I felt a whirlwind of emotions and ended can up crying a good while on our way home yesterday just because I had to hold it in over the weekend from time to time and can't believe what w has thrown awayand how it has affected the kids with little regard from her. The weekend was really hard at times but overall was good.

Weird, but Wednesday night my work car got egged (my car is in the garage). Strange because I drove down our street and didn't see any others. Idt w did it but it made me wonder if om was in town, etc. I wouldn't think this if I would've seen any others, but just me. Crazy that these thoughts even go through my mind now, lol.

I got the kids Thursday night, w texted earlier asking me when she could drop them off because they were excited because they knew I got them skates (they've been begging me for weeks). I left work early so they could come over and W stayed around for 2 hours, she looked terrible and acted depressed. She made a comment about "is there anything you don't have here?" To the kids. She was trying to tell them how to skate wrong and argued with me when I was trying to teach them (she can't skate, lol) . The next day they picked it up a lot better without her there.

It's terrible, but when I get them from her, it takes a day of so to get the kids I know back. This weekend was good for them, they got to be around their cousins close in age and seem like kids again!

I think she was feeling bad because the friday she asked for my b's address so she could send a gift . She texted at a bad time to talk to kids but I sent pics and she thanked me for them. She texted early in the morning Saturday (woke me up) and told me to tell them she loved them. I had s call later when he and I were driving and then she texted again when she knew we were at the reception. I sent more pics and she thanked me again and had brief texts. Then she texted to talk to them yesterday but they didn't talk much because they were worn out. We went to a private lake of family's yesterday so I sent pics of them playing with cousins, swimming, kayaking, paddle boarding, etc. and apologized that they were so tired. Crickets until about midnight (much later) when she responded and woke me up. I really wonder what's going through her mind right now. Why would she respond 4 hours later?

And awhile back I mentioned trouble with baby talk. Well, it's really bad now, and d is starting too. Job, you mentioned w was probably encouraging it. I didn't think so at the time but I heard her doing it last week! I have been having to correct both kids since I've had them.

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Kyh

The stress this puts on them is brutal. At times they will look 5-10 years older. Reading into your post the guilt she probably has with the kids could be driving this. Its part of the crap sandwich MLC serves up.

The emotions you will experience are going to be all over the place in various degrees .... just know its normal, you have a right to be angry/sad/ all that and sometimes all at the same time, process through them and own them ... sometimes I had to just sit with my anger outside for 10-20-30 minutes in order to find center again ... you too in time will find peace despite all this.


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Quote:
And awhile back I mentioned trouble with baby talk. Well, it's really bad now, and d is starting too.
the other reason this sometimes happens is regression due to stressful situations. Might not be a bad idea to check with the lawyer about a good children's therapist. They may need a safe place to vent.

As for the stuff W does. I know it's hard to detach from her and the other aspects of what was your extended family. But trust me, it won't be helpful for you to talk to her about them. From the sounds of it, she won't likely (for a long time anyway) be that kind of ex that you can be friends or even friendly with. Maybe things will change, but...

AJ


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Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Hmmm, I know what you mean when kids come back to you different. My boys are big but I saw the change in them after 5 days with their father. I felt guilty a bit. 3 days after I came back from my trip, the "little" one was always asleep when I came back from work in the evening. He went to bed when back from school & was unpleasant when we woke him up to dinner. He does that when there is something that bothers him.
It took us a week to get back to usual dynamics.

But looks like you had some fun during the weekend. Happy to read that!
Put your phone on silent when you go to sleep. I started to do that a few weeks ago. I thought I cannot do that in case H would need me during the night. Now I need my sleep more :-)... Hope the GA visit went/will go well!
As for the egg... Could be just a coincidence. What would be his motive?


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Busy week, just getting a chance to post while the kids are/were still asleep. The guardian attorney was here Friday afternoon and I think it went well. When she learned my mom was here that morning to watch the kids for me she asked her to stay and talked to her for quite an hour or so while I had the kids in the back yard. Then she came out and talked with me and the kids for about 45 minutes. She also interviewed my dad and sister earlier in the week.

She wants me to come in to her office again this week to discuss some things without my children around that "I may or may not be aware of." She told me she had w take a drug test because of her erratic behavior and that she passed. I also found out w is not moving into a house but an low income apartment. This really worries me with young kids! They have so much to do at my house and will go from that to being locked in an apartment, she's definitely not thinking of their wellbeing. I'm afraid they'll sit around playing video games and watching tv as this is all her siblings do (four of them in their 20s still live with her parents, no jobs, no social skills, don't drive, nada - completely under Mil's control. W was different and left at 15, that's where I got the adopted step-in laws, but w seems to be acting more and more like her mother since her mlc).

While the attorney was here we mostly stayed on the back deck as the kids were swimming and Jumping on the trampoline. She commented on the nice fenced yard and asked if I built the treehouse (which I get compliments on from anyone who sees it) so I think that is a good thing. She also looked at the kids bedroom and I'm sure at mine adjacent to it. The rest of the upstairs is open. She'd didn't go downstairs but asked me how many other bedrooms I had for when they get older. She asked if w had anytime with them during my 2 weeks and how we communicated. She also asked the kids some questions, like "do you miss your mom?" They said, no not really. I guess that's good for me but it made my stomach turn; that is so sad! How is w so blind to what she is doing to us? The attorney did comment to me that the kids seem to be doing very well for what she normally sees. That is sad because I see a lot of changes in them. Last night d went to her bed and faked being asleep when she called. I thought she was really going to bed since we had been skating at the rink all evening but after she came out and asked to watch a show. I tried to talk to her about it but she acted like nothing was wrong. They've also been sleeping with me about half the time, needing some extra attention.

I think my sister's interview went well. The attorney was asking her about different schedules etc., and about my character. I guess d6 told her I beat up her mom and held s over a cliff! She said s was telling her the whole time it wasn't true and w told her she was making it up too. Nice story to spin in this situation, lol. My parents said they thought theirs went well but I haven't had a chance to talk to them without the kids around yet.

Cali, it's so weird, I will see her and she'll look and sound awful, literally 10 years older, bags under her eyes, totally depressed, etc. and then the next time she will look like a different person but this whole thing has probably put 5 years on her.

AJ, I have been thinking about this before as I can see changes in both kids and a little regression with my s in regard to his asd. It's definitely something I've been pondering.

Bee, sorry you have the same problem. This is something the attorney talked to me about Friday. I think it is probably par for the course but it has to be hard on them. That day or two back to normalcy is sure rough but then they start acting like kids again instead of little adults. And for the eggs (there were quite a few of them) it probably was a coincidence and LBS crazy thoughts, just strange I didn't see any other egged cars.

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I forgot to mention that the guardian attorney has asked me if I have asked w to go to counseling recently and if she was dead set on moving during our last two meetings. I've thought about this and although I'm sure she won't I've thought about it. I've been keeping all communication about kids and trying to mix in a little small talk. Prob not good DBing but I've been thinking of asking her before she moves. Is this a bad idea?

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Most MLCers will not go to counseling because they don't think there is anything wrong w/themselves. Some will go hoping that the counselor will tell them that the marriage is over and move on and to prove the point that the marriage isn't worth saving.

You could mention that the guardian attorney has inquired about it and if she doesn't react/respond, then drop it. You can't make her go. Try to pose the question in a way that she has the option to make up her mind about it. Don't try to push her into saying yes.

In my opinion, she's no where near being close to going to a counselor and actually working on her issues and delving into those dark places within her soul. But, again, that's my opinion.


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The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Kyh sorry I've not posted on your thread in so long, I'm trying to catch up but so much has happened since I last posted here.

I'm sorry things are so tense regarding your kids and the arrangements, I hope the guardian attorney can help in some way.

Don't forget to take care of yourself too..


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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Job, I think you're absolutely right. I'm feeling desperate because she's moving and it's wishful thinking on my part as it's tearing me up. On top of what you mentioned about counseling, my w was raped a couple years before we met (didn't tell anyone because she was afraid her parents would make her leave college and come back to their unhappy home) and she got a bad counselor and another later (according to her) so I think she is extra reluctant to seek help. The attorney mentioning this is also trying to deal with an irrational person but I understand where she's coming from. And maybe it's best because a counselor might just tell her to cut it off at this point depending on what she says.

Esame, thanks for stopping in. Sorry, I haven't been to good about posting on your (or others) threads. I read them on the regular but dont comment too much. I'm praying things work out well with the guardian attorney's decision as it will determine where the kids will be to start school. I'm really anxious for my next meeting with her.

W seems to be all over the place again (or still) this week. I sent some pics of us skating this weekend and no reply. We usually send kid pics, tell each other thanks, etc. and communication stops there. Then talking to kids yesterday she mentioned wanting to see them skating (my sister told me she asked her if she could get them skates for d's bday before she moved out and she told her no, they weren't coordinated enough...projection as this is what she says about herself). I told her how well they were doing, especially d, and we were going again this week and she was welcome to come watch. She texted back that it sounded good and she might have to get her own pair and joked how it would be scary (whaaat, I've been trying to get her to ski/ice skate since we've been together and she says she can't).

Tonight when she texted before calling I told her we were going Friday (originally planned Wednesday but I found out it is closed) and about a letter from library I got. She has a bunch of overdue books in the kids names. I had to buy one last week for son's account and paid her late fees so they didn't go to collections. I got another notice for d today and had to pay late fees and recheck them so she wouldn't have to buy them all and have it go to collections. I let her know and she got an attitude...so frustrating. I guess next time I will just let it go. She didn't say anything to me about coming to see the kids skate but I heard her mention it go s, so we'll see.

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I found myself really upset with w and myself tonight. I took the kids to fly kites after work at the soccer fields near our and there were several tee ball games going. The kids immediately started asking me if they could play, why they couldn't, how come I didn't sign them up, etc. etc. and nearly crying abou it. I couldn't give a good answer because the reason is w. They asked about it a few months ago and I wanted to sign them up but w was strongly opposed and I ended up giving in, now I see it interfered with her plans to move. I know she won't do any organized sports with them if she gets custody.

Tonight when on the phone with them she was telling them about getting filing cabinets for her office. I know it's been her plan but it hit me like a punch in the stomach. I still can't believe she is leaving next week and my kids have to go. It's sickening.

The kids have no clue what's coming. Idk how to tell them or what to do. All kids need stability and structure but especially with asd and being young. They deserve better than what she is doing. The only other person she even knows there is OM so there are a lot of things going through my mind, mostly the well-being of my kids. I'm not sure how to handle this, I think she is planning on getting them Sunday night and leaving town the next morning. That's a lot for a kid to handle.

I do know from d talking that w told them they were going to a different school in the fall (maybe w doesn't understand it's not up to her) but I can tell they don't know about the move.

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Kyh - I am so sorry. You are right, your children don't deserve this; no kids do.

Obviously, it's most concerning that this schedule cannot be maintained come fall and that she just assumes the kids will change to a different school and live with her. I think it'll be time for your lawyer to help you navigate those waters.

You didn't choose any of this. Someday your children will understand this. I wish I had some great advice to make it all easier.


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Kyh

Im ringing in late on your sitch. I actually just Finished reading the entire thing.
Hats of to you my friend for being the best dad you can be. That is all that matters here. Your has a plan and sadly feeding it to you kids. New school in the fall can mean only one thing. She has the kids. You really need to shut that down right now.

I know you want to be nice to her so she doesn't monster. If MLC her mind is gone and there is no logic. You being the nice guy won't wake her up.

You situation is very similar to mine. My STBXW has mental illness all over her family. New job in sales ( newspapers that's dying career)
New friends that influence her. Living with a loser OM.

Trust me when I say this. Do not trust her for one second. She is no longer your W. Follow your gut

Praying for you buddy

Irish


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Kyh sorry I haven't been around much. I only have this to say: forget your wife. This is all about the kids and their wellbeing.

Do whatever you have to do to ensure it. You are a great father. I'm keeping you in my prayers.
xoxoxo


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Thanks for the replies & thoughts, I really appreciate them!

Hawho, yes, it is very concerning that she just assumes she will get her way come fall. The guardian attorney will be deciding on the best course of action around the beginning of August before school starts. Idk if w gets it, she doesn't act that like it, she just thinks it's her way, period.

Hi Irish, I've been following your thread since I've been here but haven't posted. I've seen a lot of the similarities and try to keep up. Funny you mentioned mental illness, there's a lot in my w's family beyond what I've mentioned. You also made me remember a comment w made to me once, probably 2 years ago or so. She told me she was afraid of going crazy, I didn't see anything wrong with her at the time and reassured her she was fine and it was just her having to deal with her troubled childhood. Maybe it was the beginning of all this, I think her friends death just put her over the edge and she cracked. Her hormone troubles certainly affected her too. You're right, she's definitely not the woman I've known for 14 years.

Bttrfly, I know your right, my best friend and the w I've known is gone, maybe forever, and I'm not doing a good job of detaching. In fact I know I've stumbled backwards quite a bit in that regard. Idk why I'm having such a hard time with this lately. She has little to no respect for me as shown through her actions and I'm still having trouble letting go.

She asked to take the kids for ice cream Wednesday and when I told her what time would be good she got irritated because she didn't want to ruin their dinner but the time I suggested was too late. I guess I'm supposed to have them eat at 5:30, lol. When she pulled up she had a parking ticket stuck on the window (it's in my name so I'll probably get a notice soon) wires hanging below and it smelling like antifreeze. I told her a couple weeks ago but she didn't want me to look at it and she's just been adding antifreeze. I told her not to travel with the kids with it like that so she did actually take it in. Last night she asked about seeing the kids skate and asked if it would work to go Saturday afternoon instead when she got it back. They've been planning on tonight all week so I told her I wasn't sure if we'd go twice and I didn't think it'd be the afternoon since we had other plans (not going to plan my time around her). Then she asked to pick them up at 6 Sunday. I replied I'd like to have them longer so we could have dinner. Nothing back, then this morning I get an email that she was leaving town after she got them (no mention of this in text) and she contacted her attorney who advised it was in the best interest of the children not to be traveling that late and she would take it up with the guardian attorney if she needed to. Just crazy, she didn't get her way so went right to her attorney. So according to them traveling almost till midnight (I was wrong before the town is 5 not 7 hours away) in the middle of nowhere is! I just forwarded it to the guardian attorney as a FYI and let her know I told her to pick them up earlier so they weren't traveling so late. I also asked her about her babysitter/childcare in the string of emails and she told me she arranged her schedule so she didn't need any! So she's planning on dragging them around to work, only working every other 2 weeks, or lying.

Then tonight she texted while we were skating and asked about tomorrow, being nice. I kept it short and just said I'd let her know. It's hard to bite my tongue through a lot of this but I know better than to open my mouth and I think she's showing how irrational she is right now for the guardian attorney to see.

I'm also going to tell the kids about her moving into an apartment in another town tomorrow so it's not a complete shock to them. I can't believe she would just pick them up and leave.

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Kyh, you're having such a hard time because of how things are moving. It must feel it's final. And maybe it is. I don't want to give you false hopes. I just want to say that I understand the state in which you are.
I already thought about it that though I'm more less fine now, it will be different if/when h files for divorce.
On top of the fact that it feels more final for you now, you have all the stress & fears related to your kids & their well being. & I'm sure you also worry about what will happen to your w. Yes, she is not nice to you but you still love her. So it's normal that you are having hard time detaching. You didn't want any of this. & you don't deserve any of this. So, do try detaching more but don't beat yourself up if you fail. For those who truly love it's VERY difficult.


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Just updating. Last weekend was a little hard. I texted w last Saturday before we went skating and she got mad at me because she scheduled to pick up a love seat when we were going. Father's Day was good to start, we camped in the backyard the night before and went up in the mountains hiking but it was rushed since we had to get home. W stopped by to pick up the kids and it was rough. I teared up a little and son was crying, running off, and hiding all over, asking to stay longer. He told me he was trying to stay as long as he could (we had a great couple weeks, they got to be their old selves again and have their old house/things). W got mad and blamed me.

This week the kids told me she has been taking them around the apartment to meet other kids, taking them cookies; they're telling me about all their new friends. Not that I don't want them to have friends there but I know she's doing it so they say they have friends there, etc for the attorney. She wasn't doing anything like that here and I question her judgement. D also told me she's been taking them around for her work (I didn't believe w was only going to work every other 2 weeks). I can't believe she's trying to do sales and taking them with. I hope she's not leaving them in the car! I'm going to ask when they're back, I have a feeling w is controlling their conversations with me. She also took them camping (kids told me real camping, thinking that came from w) this weekend. I know for a fact w has never went camping in her life before now. Worries me a little, her alone (?) with kids, bears depending on which direction she went, etc. I think she's trying to one up me. This is so frustrating.

I've been keeping busy with my car and house projects(things add up too and I know I'm going to have more attorney fees) but doing a lousy job at gal . It's really hard since I work alone. I tried to meet up with a friend but it didn't work out. I can't wait for next weekend to get my kids back.

Hope you're all having a good weekend!

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I got to talk to my kids this evening and I'm feeling like a wreck. It's so obvious w had them with OM this weekend. The kids told me all about going on a boat and staying at someone else's house! I asked who they were with and they said friends then w got son off the phone. I want to tell her off but know better, this is sickening I don't know how to handle it. Should I say something to w or just take my info to the guardian attorney? This is so wrong, her and OM are screwballs (to be overly nice) who does this with a married woman and her kids? I literally feel sick, so helpless and po'd. I want to say something to her so bad but didn't and its eating at me, ugggh.

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KYH - I am sorry. I feel for you.

I think your w will not be able to maintain taking the kids to work with her constantly. I imagine the kids are going to grow bored and become understandably disruptive? That cannot be a long term solution.

I just want you to know I am thinking of you.


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BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
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Thanks Hawho, I was actually thinking thinking of you and a few others here after my call and how you handle yourselves/situations and it was inspiration for me. It was so hard to hear that tonight (one thing for her A, but completely another to bring my kids around him) and I don't know what I would do if I wouldn't have found this board. I don't think a yard has been mowed or house cleaned with such anger as tonight but I kept my mouth shut. I think this will show the guardian attorney how unstable she is.

I think w thinks she can drag them around until school starts, what a way for a child to spend summer. W really has her priorities out of whack. More instability issues to bring up to attorney.

I've never wished for a fast summer but I can't wait for the next month to go by to get the attorney's decision.

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I can't believe w, she's making me so mad. Idk what she is trying to do, make herself look good and me bad I think.

I got an email from the guardian attorney how w contacted her saying I made the transfer of the kids difficult on Father's Day, how they weren't ready and how she had to pack and go all over the house to get their things and how I upset them. What a joke, she had to get a few things she asked if she could take with after she got there like skates, ball gloves, & flip flops as we have all separate things for them.

Then tonight I got an email from her telling me how great it is I talk to them every night and how important the consistency is. I've always done this! She's acting like I wasn't calling them before. Then she made suggestions for how I should talk to them. Telling me I'm not enthused enough for what they're telling me (d has barely been talking lately and they usually tell me they can't remember what they did) and accused me of changing subjects. I usually have to pry a conversation out of them. S did read me a book tonight though. D was also playing video game when w had them call tonight and didn't want to talk so she could play. Nice.. I also feel like she's coaching them and/or they're not talking because she's hovering but it's my fault. They're not talking to me like they were before the move. So she wants me to be enthusiastic for the things she's trying to do to make herself look good but she sure seemed to get s off the phone when I asked about their camping trip and who they went with. She is there in the background and a fraud fly stops talking and is obviously distracted. Seems to be the norm now. She's making our conversations difficult and blaming me.

She also got mad at me last night when I texted before calling. I asked if it was an ok time and she texted the kids are outside playing with friends and she'd have them come in in about 10 min. I asked if they were outside without her and she asked why. I replied the way your text reads and got a nasty reply about how she hopes I don't think she was that irresponsible, have a good night (in that guilty angry way). She also demanded to speak with her kids ASAP when she got mad at me FDay weekend. It seems like she's treating them/acting like they're her property.

Idk how to respond to her email, or if I should. She finished it so I basically have to but I don't want to seemingly agree or argue. I really think she is trying to make herself look good/me bad in writing.

Is she trying to get a reaction out of me? I instantly got upset and wanted to reply hut know better.

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Ugh, phone spell check. She is there in the background, talking, and s stops talking and is obviously distracted. Seems to be the norm now. She's making our conversations difficult and blaming me.

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Kyh,

She will continue to manipulate things to justify what she is doing. Unfortunately this is part of the game and will take a long time to work its way through. At times she may even appear to be winning. You need to be strong and constant in what you do and how you respond. You must always appear to be strong. You must always be there for your children. Eventually they break. You just have to be strong enough to survive and you will come out ahead.


Twisting on Life's Rope
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Kyh,
I would not respond to her e-mail. I would reply to the guardian attorney how it was in your view but I'd ignore the e-mail of your w. She may use it against you one day. If you absolutely want to reply then just say that you see things differently but don't elaborate.
Be strong! Don't let her destabilise you.


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hi kyh just checking in ... keep your cool, stay strong for your kids and continue protecting yourself. that's the only way to help your children through this. they need one stable parent.

keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. xoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Had another meeting with the guardian attorney today. I don't know how to feel about it, I was really upset after leaving. New info and the unknown. I didn't bother going back to work as I knew I wouldn't be able to concentrate. W is trying to make me look bad about Father's Day and my communication, criticizing my enthusiasm and how I change subjects. I explained how I have to really work to have a conversation with them, how w was letting them play a video game last time they called, etc. I also told her how s read me a book the night I got w's last email (which I brought to her), how the kids do the same to her, and about d pretending to be asleep so she didn't have to talk to w one night. I really think w is trying to make me look bad in a nice crazy sort of way.

The attorney told me she thinks w will be living with OM soon. Hopefully that spells instability for the attorney, I don't know if I can handle being replaced and w moving kids in if I don't get custody (how on any planet could that be acceptable) and all so quick. It's sickening, my stomach has been in a knot since I left. I reintegrated how this bothered me since OM (who brought tinder dates to company functions) started a r with a married woman living with her h and children and how he obviously doesn't have their best interest in mind. She then brought up how w doesn't believe she is cheating/having an affair since she considers us broken up. I made sure she knew it was happening while she lived here. Wtf, if that doesn't spell instability....

The guardian attorney also asked me why I haven't told anyone about w's A. I told her I didn't want judgement from my family towards w and that I am humiliated. She urged me to tell them or confide in someone about it and that even if we ever did reconcile we'd be living a lie by keeping it hidden. I just don't think it's a good idea. I told her again step mil knows and I talked to my old IC about it. She recommended I start going back to IC as I haven't been since my counselor left. She told me I'm holding too much in and we've all been through a lot in a short period. Idk how to take all that. I think w is making me look unstable to her. I told her if I wouldn't have had those feelings when w was moving away with my kids on Father's Day that something would be wrong with me.

She asked about the kids, s on Father's Day, our communication, and my communication with w. Seems w is making me out to look bad and doing an okay job at it.

She said she would be visiting w next week but she wished the kids would be with her. She wants me to update her next week on how they're doing here and how the transition goes. She also wants to meet with the kids again. I know this is why w has been having them make a bunch of new friends started a camp at their school, etc. not that I don't want them to be social/active but I think w is playing this to benefit herself.

Looking forward to getting the kids back here in a bit and my next 2 weeks. Trying to stay positive.

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I got the kids back this afternoon. They're talking to me on our way to get fireworks and telling me stuff. I want to scream!! S told me w is taking him to the dr to get his gluten allergy tested. He never had a classic allergy and if your not eating it it won't show. He has emotional and behavior problems related to his asd from it. When we first started the diet s was nonverbal and would drag his head around on the carpet, beat his face on the wall, scream, lost in a daze sometimes, etc. now she thinks she can go get a test and give it to him if it shows up okay. This is unbelievable, we've come too far for this! Even his teachers say they can tell when he gets it. I can't believe her. They also told me they've been around the OM. She had them stay in a camper on their trip while she stayed outside. It's sickening, she's replaced me. Meanwhile I don't know if il ever get over the damage she's done, she's crushed me. Forget her but I can't let her do these things to my kids. I feel helpless.

Sorry for the rant, I'm so upset I had to vent. Got to go enjoy my kids and try to forget this for now but I'm disgusted.

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Hi Kyh

Your W sounds a lot like mine. Tried to make me look bad, lied to the therapist about her OM. Lost all values with the kids and introduced them to things we worked years to prevent.

My kids are older and they wouldnt fall for her mania and lies. The therapist at the beginning was askng me what is wrong with me . Lol . I was all over the place, hurt, shell shocked, lost...then I took control of my emotions and in the end the therapist saw that STBXW was unstable and the kids were better with me. What I'm saying is , don't worry about how you think she is trying to make you look like the bad guy. Be the best dad you can be. Love your kids. Your W will make so many mistakes it will eventually catch up to her.

And believe me your kids willl grow to resent the OM. He's in it for himself.

As for your S. Watch over him. Your W is irrational about his diet. Continue what works for your son.
Mine offered pot to my 14yr old at the time. STBXW was against pot and hated it prior to MLC. Now offered it lol . Their minds are in left field. You need to take the lead.

All the best
Irish


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BD2 JUNE 25 2015 by text
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Hi Kyh,

My situation is nowhere as difficult as yours, but I understand your frustration when it comes to the kids. Coming from a disfunctional family I never thought I would put my kids in a similar situation, so I'm struggling to see why H (who also comes from a messed up home) would not be jumping through any hoop known to man to ensure our kids are given a better childhood than ours was. I also feel hopeless, and even though I cannot suggest a miracle cure, I just wanted to say that I hear you, and that we are all here for you.

I'm so sorry about what you and your children are going through, I hope the justice system can be kinder to you and the kids than your wife has been.


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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So at my last meeting with the guardian attorney she said she didn't want us tattling on each other which is usually what she sees. Hopefully she was referring to w and Father's Day but she may have been talking about the email about phone calls I got from her as well.

I have to give her an update on how things are going today. I want to let her know that the transition and things have been good and we had a great 4th of July weekend but the kids are especially needy. They've been sleeping with me every night, asking to cuddle, and d is asking me to carry her in stores etc.

I'm also planning on telling her about s talking about w making him an appointment to get the gluten allergy test so she can give it to him (she knows how far we've come) without talking to me about it. I spoke with a neurologist but he said he wasn't sure. I've researched more online and there are people with sensitivities that have negative test results, I think the results speak for themself in this case. I'm wondering if her outside influences have something to do with this. I was also going to tell her the kids told me about being around the OM. I can see w lying to her about it. The attorney told me at our last meeting she would find out if w introduced them yet.

Does this (OM and diet) sound out of line? I think these are legitimate concerns but her tattling comment has me worried. I think this is going to be my last chance to say anything to her before her decision (if she hasn't made it already).

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I told guardian attorney about my concern with diet and about kids meeting OM. I hope it was the right thing to do, idk. I'm going to have to update her on the diet after tonight though.

W was in town and asked to take the kids this afternoon. I decided to talk to her about what s told me about the gluten allergy test. She told me she wouldn't do that knowing how he reacts to it and said s was asking her about why some people are allergic (that's how we've always handled it with him) and she told him about the test. Hopefully this is what happened but I have to wonder if she spoke to the attorney, just seems a little weird from what s said. Anyway she reassured me she wasnt planning on changing his diet so that is good. Since things seemed to be going well I decided to talk to her about s because I think he's having absence seizures. I am concerned because he loves swimming (of course his welfare comes first) but also because I didn't know how she'd react but it seems were on the same page and agreed not to make dr appointments/medical decisions without each other.

W ended up staying and talking for about an hour about various things, some serious, some not. I really don't know what happened tonight, she was friendly and made a couple inside jokes only her and I would find funny, we even ended up talking about when she was pregnant with s. Peek out, temp check, just a friendly update? Idk. She also asked about possibly sharing one of the dogs, idk what to think about this and didn't give her an answer. I kind of wanted to tell her to take her cats. Let's throw a couple cats in this mess, lol.

At bedtime s told me he was concerned about starting school, he was confused on where he was going to go. I just told him we weren't sure yet but if he was with me in the fall he'd go to his old school but if he was with his mom he'd go to a new school and not to worry about it since it was a long time away. It seemed to appease him but it was sad to hear.

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Just updating/journaling. I had another meeting with the guardian attorney Thursday. She wanted to meet with the kids again and then her and I talked for awhile. I feel better after this meeting but she told me she still hasn't decided and wants me to email her later this week. She told me my s wants to stay at his school and was upset about leaving again but d is indifferent. She taked to me a bit about scheduling and said she would have recommended every other week if w hadn't moved. She also said that w wouldn't have to abide by her recommendation and she thought it would be best to set up mediation for the end of the month when she makes her decision. She wants me to update her later this week on how the transfer went (yesterday) and about my upcoming IC appointment. She recommended I continue conseling at our last meeting and seemed surprised when I told her I made an appointment with a new counselor when she asked about it. I decided to go, even if just monthly, as I'm holding a lot in and keep cycling through emotions (some days it feels like the wounds are fresh and reopened). I have been listening to a lot of podcasts and started a new book which has been helping me realize/reminding me what's going on with w and me but it's not always easy to hear/read and a lot seemingly doesn't apply. Mlc is a such strange beast.

S had a hard time yesterday when it was time to go. He started crying and wouldn't talk then started hitting his face on the sliding door and yelled at d. I got him calmed down and he seemed to be okay once we got going. I told w he was having a hard time when we met half way but she acted like I was making it up. I guess she doesn't want to hear it. She didn't look good either, it's crazy how she can look like she's doing well then 10 years older a few days later or vice versa.

They went to step in laws this weekend and w sent me 11 pics of the kids hiking in the mountains (places we used to go) and was friendly in her texts today. Maybe it brought up memories for her being back there, the pics did for me. Usually I only get one or two pics of the kids from her.

Kept busy today working on my car (oh the joys of British motoring). Hopefully I can finish it tomorrow. I wasn't looking forward to it at all but it kept my mind off things today and I'm saving a couple thousand so it's really not a bad thing.

I hope everyone is having a great weekend!

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Quote:
S had a hard time yesterday when it was time to go. He started crying and wouldn't talk then started hitting his face on the sliding door and yelled at d. I got him calmed down and he seemed to be okay once we got going. I told w he was having a hard time when we met half way but she acted like I was making it up. I guess she doesn't want to hear it. She didn't look good either, it's crazy how she can look like she's doing well then 10 years older a few days later or vice versa.

They went to step in laws this weekend and w sent me 11 pics of the kids hiking in the mountains (places we used to go) and was friendly in her texts today. Maybe it brought up memories for her being back there, the pics did for me. Usually I only get one or two pics of the kids from her.
Doesn't want to hear it? Doesn't want to hear how her choices are affecting the kids? Huh.

I think the idea of you going to counselling is the best idea ever. I'm in awe that you have the presence of mind to notice that you are holding it in. Know what? You are not crazy, which is good because your kids need you to be present and strong right now.

The pics are an odd one. I remember my ex sending me pics of the kids going places we went. We had traditions and places and oddly, the ex kept those up. Still does after all these years, from what the kids talk about. You're right, MLC is a strange beast indeed. smile

Keep your head up and in the game. It gets better in time. It's not always like this, my friend.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
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Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Thanks for stopping by AJ (and everyone else last week). I've realized quite a few things lately and think talking to a IC might help me again. I've told my family some of what's going on, I try not to say too much but I guess they need to know a little with custody and all but now I have to deal with their reactions (not responses) as well. They're also hurt and shocked. They mean well but it's not what I need.

I realized I'm not acting consist because I'm cycling through emotions and so I'm not always calm either. I need to be more stable for myself, kids, and w in case she ever comes around. I don't want to just survive.

I got more pictures from w today. She texted she wouldn't be home until late tonight and that sil (the one that lived with us until bd) was visiting and I could call then or wait and call sil's phone tonight. I thanked her and let her know I was doing an inspection so I couldn't call until tonight. She kind of apologized. I told her it wasn't a problem and thanked her again. Then she sent me pictures of the kids from this weekend and told me how they shared their life jackets with some kids afraid to swim. I thanked her for the pics and commented on how great our kids are. Then she sent a longer text about our kids and d sharing it again for a blind girl without taking a turn for herself. I thanked her again for the pics tonight and got a short friendly reply. Her texts have been a lot nicer recently and she started using emojis again.

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So w went to her parents to visit this week (left Saturday) and started texting me more than she has been starting this weekend, including pics of the kids. We spoke for a little while Monday night, only a few minutes but she was nice and more like her old self. It was weird to just say bye, I almost accidentally said love you out of habit even though idt we've spoke by phone since BD. More pics and friendly texts yesterday. Then this morning she sent a pic of the kids and said "love them." I told her it was a precious picture and that I love the kids so much too. She told me to remind her to tell me about their disagreement. We had a few more texts and then she unexpectedly called me 5-10 minutes later. She told me a story about the kids having a little fight that happened almost a week ago while at step-in laws. We talked about 15 minutes, mostly about kids, and I got to ask her how her dad was doing. She said okay and described a lot of the chemo effects. I told her to let me know if there was anything I could do for her or them. She said she didn't know what it would be then changed the subject back to the kids. She sounded a little more like her old self again in this conversation too. I told her thank you for sharing her story about the kids and that I was glad they were all having a good trip and ended it on a good note. No r talk. Then this afternoon she texted to ask me about the oil filter for her car and said she was having trouble finding somewhere to do it that would use the right oil. Wow, she was listening! Idk why she decided to do it out of town on her trip but didn't ask.

Maybe I'm thinking about this too much but it was quite a change that she called me today plus the short conversation a couple days ago. Am I seeing something with her? Idk what to think. I dont want to get my hopes up but it seems like a change as we only text.

She just called to apologize and tell me she fell asleep because she was hurting with her med issue and didn't get my text about calling the kids tonight. Then texted to apologize again after talking to the kids. She told me earlier her dad had plans for them tonight so I didn't think to much about it. Normally she would've just texted.

Idk, hopefully I'm not seeing something that's not there. I'll see if it happens again and make sure no r talk and to end things on a good note, not trying to discuss to much at once (baby steps).

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By now you likely realize you're seeing a point in time. Not good and not bad - just a point in time.

Hang in there. Sounds like a lot of back and forth. Don't read into the pictures and such. They're nice and these are nice moments to enjoy. Doesn't mean they predict the future or re-color the past.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Yes, lots of back and forth. Interesting couple days here.

Thursday she called me because the place she took her car was trying to tell her a bunch of things were wrong and charge her $800. I told her she needed to do a search for a foreign repair shop and take it somewhere else. I asked if she wanted me to take care of it and so I found one called and got her all set up to go in. The guy was super nice and told me he sees this a lot. She took it in and there was nothing wrong with it and he didn't charge her anything. We had another set of nice interactions afterwords thanking me for helping her.

Yesterday w was acting weird. Very short on the phone to let me know about coming and then told me I could put an app on my phone to track them on their trip, I said idt that is necessary (how strange, hmm is she tracking me?). I had planned on taking the kids to a carnival today but they were super pumped and s sounded sad not to go when they got here. On the way w put s on the phone to tell me where they were and when she got closer she texted to ask me what I told him about it even though I know she heard. I told her I planned on tomorrow but they were excited. I asked if she would like to go and she said she would love to.

When they got here she looked awful. She got cleaned up and we all went and had a good time and joked around, and had a few good laughs but I could see it was like a switch flipping on and off in her, I could literally see it in her look. It was a nice night.

At one point I mentioned her weekend plans and she asked how I knew. I told her she told me when we talked earlier in the week. She couldn't remember telling me. She was texting a little and disappeared for a little bit, hmm. Before we left to go I told her she could stay in the guest room so she didn't have to drive home late. She said she'd think about it. Things seemed good until we got home, then I could really see the pain on and off in her face. She was trying not to cry and left somewhat abruptly and made up an excuse about needing to go home. She left for her drive after midnight. I told her the room was there and I was worried but didn't press it I also told her to go to her friends and she said she'd be mad if she woke her to stay. Okay then, not a friendly thing to do....but I didn't say anymore.

An hour and half later she texted and told me thank you for offering to let her stay but that she couldn't because she read the awful things I wrote on the legal forms for custody about her being a bad person and a heinous mother. Of course I didn't write the things she thinks but that's what she got out of it. I wrote about her actions, how they were unstable, the OM, how I'd been on my own with the kids a lot, etc. (they are not easy questions to answer and are geared for one parent seeking sole custody, likely in a bad position, and not for a situation where shared custody should be in place, I imagine her lawyer got some new info too). I told her I didn't think of her that way and I would always be grateful for her and our time together.

Idk if it was good but we ended up talking on the phone. I could really feel how depressed she was, the things I wrote were true and she couldn't deny them; however, she is still trying to justify them. I think seeing them in writing and with the guardian attorneys recommendation coming up it piled up on her.

I assured her I didn't think she was a bad person or mother but didn't let her off the hook for her actions, I told her those things did happen and I didn't ask for any of it. She tried to defend them, lessen them saying it wasn't a common occurrence (I didn't tell her I kept a journal), I listened but didn't validate. It was crazy, poor me stuff (e.g. what was I supposed to do drink and drive? I had to stay at a friends. He only gave me emotional support until later on, how is that an affair? You wanted me to go out with friends, history rewriting, etc). I could hear the pain and confusion, she just doesn't get how her actions were wrong. She asked how I thought she put the kids in a questionable environment and I told her about her starting an affair with om while living in my home and how he can't have their best interests in mind in doing such, that those are the actions of a broken person, and now she has introduced the kids to him. She had a feeble reply but she knows it is wrong. I put a few truth darts out there but not to much, i really don't think she could take it and would feel attacked when I want her to think. I did listen, and listened even if it was wrong, crazy, etc. I stayed calm and consistent, I'm in such a better place than where I started. I apologized for making her feel detached, growing apart, not having a "we" marriage, and said how those are normal problems relationships face and I would never intentionally hurt her. She tried to carry this back in time further, maybe she did feel that way but she didn't show it to me. I made no more apologies, they were well-intended and necessary but maybe not at this point in time as I felt it was fuel for her. She still has not taken any credit for any faults, not one.

Our conversation got cut off. She texted later to tell me she didn't hang up. I told her I know and to drive safe but to call if she needed to stay awake and we would talk about something else. I figured she could stew and we didn't need to extend our conversation. She thanked me again for the room offer and said she'd be fine. I did text this morning to let her know I was worried and wanted to make sure she got home okay, thanked her for the night, and reiterated that I don't think of her as she said. I also told her if she wanted to continue where we got cut off to let me know and left it at that.

I can see there is a lot going on in her mind right now. I think she's confused and her feelings must be consuming. I'm staying calm, consistent, and positive, trying to be a lighthouse and act in a way where I won't have regrets regardless of what happens. I think it's making her think, or at least not giving her justification for her thoughts and actions.

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W and I have had friendly contact since last week. W was a little upset still at the beginning of the week but got better. She was in town Tuesday so I invited her to get a smoothie with us. She came along but was cold towards me, she even rode in the back of the car with the kids. When we got home she jumped with them on the trampoline and things got a lot better and she was nice by the time she left. We've been texting this week. Mostly about kids but we've had a few conversations veer away from them and sending funny emojis back and forth. Today she texted asking if we were having a good day and last night she asked them to talk to me after they talked. Not getting my hopes up but it is a step forward. Strangely, the last few nights I've had to text her to call the kids before bed though. She made it a point to tell me she was at step in laws twice. She is in town tomorrow and taking them in the afternoon until I get off work and then planning on stopping over Tuesday evening.

The kids and I have been having a great week. We went to the movies Friday night, to an 80s barcade, horse carriage ride, and library yesterday, and I took them to pick out a birthday gift for w today then played the rest of the day. W sounded surprised when I told her what we were doing today, told me it wasn't necessary and thanked me, and we joked a little texting.

The guardian attorney was supposed to let us know her decision last week, she had planned for the previous week but asked me to do a drug test when I was out of town and I had to wait a couple days and the results weren't back until Monday last week (I think it is a good sign she asked me for it). She emailed me Thursday to ask how the last exchange went, I hope also a good sign. I've been doing well staying calm and consistent but I woke up super early Saturday worried about it. I was having dreams about w all night so I think that was partly to do with it. I'm dealing with it, there is nothing I can do that I'm not already. I've had to ward off a little depression related to my anxiety but I think I'm doing alright. I feel like I'm doing okay except for the gal aspect. I'm struggling there.

I mentioned having my kids pick out something for w for her birthday today. So what does one get for their MLC spouse for their birthday? I don't want to seem pursuing but I don't want to get her something lame either. I picked out a nice necklace with the kids for Mother's Day and I've never seen her wear it (I have seen her wearing the jewelry we got her for Christmas, but she quit wearing anything I got her before BD that was the norm).

I hope everyone had a good weekend. I've been following along but not posting much.

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Just let the kids pick something for her. Not too extravagant ... and maybe a neutral birthday card?

Keep holding steady, you're doing better than you think you are .... xoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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Thanks Bttrfly. The kids picked out a neat elephant decoration for w (she loves elephants) that I think she will really like. I was thinking card too but this is an area I feel I failed at since we got married. IDK, I'm confused, I feel like I should get her something but don't want to seem pursing.

W has been over the last 2 days. She was over at noon and the evening yesterday and again tonight. Yesterday, when she was at my house at lunch her eyes were kind of glossy, not high or shark-like though. IDT she was crying either because I know how she looks when she cries. She was acting weird and asked me "what?" when she came in. I complimented her dress (haven't seen her in her concert get up for awhile) and she thanked me and warmed up. She was still acting funny when she came in, after a couple minutes she told me she wanted to show me something. She showed me a selfie of her and a heavy metal rock star and told me her friend (MLC friend) took her to the concert and a meet and greet the night before for an early bday present. I think this MLC friend (the one she moved kids in with for awhile) may be just as toxic to our marriage as OM. She told me about how she met and talked for a little bit, how it was weird but cool (I'm leaving out details), about how she got more time than the other people, and about the freaky people who also had meet and greet tickets poking fun at them, and the concert. Shortly after she got a text, laughed and showed me a picture of her friend and her picture with him framed in a heart. She told me how cool it is she is going to concerts that her parents didn't let her go to as a teenager. No S!.. Your parents didn't let you go to heavy metal concerts on your own in Philly when you were 15, lol. Lots of thoughts going through my head but I kept quiet and listened; I can see what is going on now. She also mentioned something similar last week because there was a concert we could hear last week when we took the kids to the carnival. Really, I think it is a good sign she wanted to share but I can see she is in a similar place as almost a year ago. Now that I can see what is happening I wonder how long she will/can chase all this.

Last night we she brought the kids over she asked if she could stay a bit. I could see that switch flipping in her again. She would look miserable one minute and then fine the next while I played with the kids. I told her she could eat with us but she said no thanks. She hung out for a couple hours before she left.

When she came back over for a couple hours tonight she looked and acted better the whole time. All four of us jumped on the trampoline for quite awhile and talked to me with less tension then yesterday. She came in and hung out for a little while too. The kids asked about me visiting like her and she told me I was welcome to come over while she had the kids. Not as easy for me when I have no need to travel there but I will make it a point to go.

She did mention waking up really early this morning so I know she is anxious about the guardian attorney's recommendation too. Still waiting to hear back and school starts in 2 weeks...

I don't mean to be focusing so much on w but that is what is going on now as I'm having more contact with her. I think staying calm and consistent with her (I feel tested now and again) is very very slight progress at this time, but when I listed to her I know she is in replay/has baking to do.

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Hi Kyh,
Overall congrats on keeping it neutral. I offer the reminder to keep expectations to zero right now for your own peace of mind. This is a looooooong haul. Keep doing what you're doing. I think you did fine with the gift. If you opted for something from just you, maybe something very small with a low $ value ... does she like chocolates? or maybe you could give her flowers with a neutral card? i would be cautious in going much further than that, but defer to the more experienced people here like Job or Lou.

Thanks for checking in on me! xoxoxoxo


M 20+ T25+
S ~15.5 (BD)
BD 4/6/15
D 12/23/16

"Someone I loved once gave me
A box full of darkness.
It took me years to understand,
That this too, was a gift."
~ Mary Oliver
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!!! I just got the guardian attorney's recommendation and it went in my favor!!! Great news for all four of us even if w doesn't realize it yet! W already told me she's moving back to town here. I think this could be a world shaking she needs to start waking up.

I found out some other things too (OM broke up with her) but I need to get back to work and will have to post later. I'm just so excited and relieved I had to share.

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Crazy night here. When w called today upset she asked if I would be willing to do shared custody. I told her yes but we should talk when she comes to get the kids (she was supposed to take them to a company bbq this evening) and wanted me to have them next week. I guess she didn't even consider it might not go her way. She also told me she contacted the school to let them know they would be going. I thanked her and told her I appreciated her doing that.

She came over this evening and is an absolute wreck. I'm really worried for her. She's seen what she's done in writing from an outsider. She keeps saying how horrible of a person she is and how she is a terrible mother. I reassured her she isn't and she said how am I not for what I've done, I don't deserve the kids, etc. The she went out to her car and back in a few times and then left to walk. Before she left I told her I had been thinking of taking the kids to the movies and asked if she wanted to go, that they would enjoy it. She said no but when she was out walking she texted and said she'd go to the movies if she was "allowed."

After we got back there was a little more of the same conversation, plus her telling me she signed a year lease, can't get out, had to take a demotion to come back, will have to get a second job to try to make it work, and more about how horrible she is. I told her she wasn't, that there were some bad choices made but she wasn't a bad mother or person. I gave her examples of her being a good mom to the kids. At times I could see that poor little hurt girl in her, so sad. She told me how she didn't have a family, how she was a failure, didn't deserve love, etc. I told her we were her family and she would always be loved. I also gave her a hug (maybe a mistake), she didn't give it back but didn't pull away or anything either, just stood there depressed.

I asked her if she wanted to stay in the guest room because it wasn't safe for her to drive. She said she couldn't and left. She said something concerning before she left (my whole life has been awful and I've failed at everything, it has to end sometime) and it made me really worried for her. I told her again that we were her family and she would always be loved. Then she sent a text (tell the kids I will always love them) that made me more concerned. I called and she was out walking on the greenway. Not safe late night. I reiterated that she was not a bad mom or person and that I was worried for her, she told me she wasn't going to hurt herself but I'm really concerned for her wellbeing. I texted and she finally replied and told me she was staying at her friend's house tonight so I finally feel better. I was contemplating calling the police. She is supposed to call tomorrow and come see the kids again. I know MLCers can be manipulative, etc. but I'm genuinely concerned for her wellbeing, she is very depressed. She has so much pain coming to the surface. I could really see that hurt little girl stuck in her.

Through the letter I got today I found out that the OM breakup was a few weeks ago, about the time she called out of the blue and started being friendly with me texting, etc. In hindsight, I can see she started spending time with step in-laws about then too. The letter said it was because he wasn't ready for a relationship and blending a family.

I stayed calm and consistent through tonight. I hope I didn't seem pursuing but don't think I did. I think I was just there and supportive as I could be. I'm actually surprised she wasn't angry towards me.

I wasn't going to say anything to the kids yet but s has been asking me at least once a day about school. He asked me when I got home and I told him he was going to go to the same school as last year. He got so excited and started stemming really bad and said I didn't want to say anything but I was worried I'm so happy to go back to (school name). They immediately got worried about seeing w though until I told them she was coming back to the same town.

Such a relief to know I'm not loosing custody of the kids and to be able to do what is best and share custody.

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Kyh,
I'm very happy to read that you aren't losing custody and can share the custody. That has to be a huge weight off of your shoulders at this time.

I think you've been handling your situation w/class and dignity. Keep up the good work. Continue to dig deeper for patience.


Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to.
The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Thank you again job! All day I kept thinking dig deeper for patience, at first for her anger then for our r.

I texted W to make sure she was okay this morning. She asked to come see the kids and stopped over. She went to her friends and it was obvious she talked with her friend and was now angry. She started talking to me and was saying how unfair the decision was was, referring to a few specific points in the letter. I listened and let her talk and she calmed down. We talked a lot more about things that have happened leading to this and then she talked about moving back and how she's going to Have to get a second job, and she doesn't know what she's going to do. Idk if she is trying to make me feel sorry for her or just that worried. She asked if she could take the kids for lunch them asked if I wanted to go. I asked if she really wanted me to, she didn't really reply. We ended up talking another hour and by then things were better. I spotted a new tattoo on her. I asked her about it and she showed me. I told her it was really good and we ended up talking about it for a long time. I could tell she was surprised I wasn't critical. We decided to go out for pizza then we walked around downtown and then had smoothies. We came home and ended up talking more, then jumped with the kids and talked more. She kept talking about needing a place to live and how hard it would be, she also talked about needing to find a truck to move, how she didn't know how she was going to move, etc. I apologized for some things that I needed to and she finally apologized for some of her actions. She accused me of telling my family about her A and told me she knew my mom was talking bad about her. I told her I haven't told anyone but the attorneys, if, and step mil but she wasn't believing me. I told her again I hadn't because I didn't want her judged and that I was humiliated. She told me she was also humiliated and that she was sorry. When things got too serious I told her, let's stop, let's talk about tattoos again, we did and the mood changed back friendly. We hung out and talked but she was also looking up rentals and showing them to me while we outside, at one point sitting next to me for a little while, then she put a little distance between us. After awhile we took the kids to the park.

When we got back we talked a little more, I told her I addressed some of her legitimate complaints about my mom and apologized for not doing it when I should have. She asked how and then thanked me and said at least it might help your brother and sister. She told me some things that she has been resentful about, some years before we got married. Then told me she has been talking to a cousin of mine and that another cousin asked her if she left me for another man, then said it came from my mom. I've never said anything to any family so idk wth. There is a friend of ours that w lived with when we met that told some of my extended family something was wrong with w. If she knew maybe she told them but I didn't say anything. Maybe the pieces just fit. I told her I was sorry and I didn't know how anyone else could know and that I wouldn't allow my mom to talk bad about her no matter what. She thanked me. Before she left she asked if I had stuff to make pancakes (I've always made pancake breakfast on weekends since we've had kids). Then she said she would bring over bacon in the morning if that was okay, do she's coming back in the morning.

She dropped lots of no hope hints but I'm staying positive and consistent with how i needed to change so maybe she can see that sompi

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So good to hear about the custody decision! It is reassuring to know there are safety nets in place for our children. I am sure that is a great burden lifted off your shoulders.

Keep taking care of you and your kids!


Me 41, H 47, M 15 yrs, S11, S13
BD 1: 11/4/14 we work on it; really I pretzel myself
BD 2: 3/31/15 H goes down to "dorm room"
8/15: H back to MBR
10/15: H back in dorm room
1/18: H files, now divorced
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Thanks Hawho. Yes, I feel so much better, it's such a relief and I feel like I have a new place to work from. I didn't realize how much this was taking out of me. I've been exhausted all weekend.

W came over yesterday morning and stayed into the afternoon. We took the kids to the park for awhile and ended up talking a little more. W kept looking at jobs and places to live. Showing them to me and asking me what I thought. Sometimes she would make comments about how she didn't know what she was going to do and where she would live. I can't help but thinking about some of the things she said this weekend. A few are:
-"I don't want to go back to the way things were before." I told her I didn't either because it got us to where we are at. I didn't say any more but wanted to say I wanted something better for us.
-She told me she was happy for me with some of the changes I've made.
-She told me separating has been hard and she hasn't always been happy separating and it has been hard.
-She told me she wasn't over our friend's death. It was a year yesterday so I'm sure that added to her stress.

I hope this was a wake up for her, she certainly didn't expect it. She has a black eye. She told me when she read the letter she screamed and threw herself on her bed and hit her face. She sounded bad again tonight, idk if it's depression or if she's turned mad towards me, I guess it's not my problem if she's mad.

I'm sticking to working on bettering myself but honestly I hope there will be a better chance of her seeing it since she will be closer. I keep reminding myself this didn't happen overnight and it won't go away overnight. Tying to keep my expectations low and take the high road even though the first part of that is difficult.

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After a couple good days this weekend w is back in the mlc swing of things. I know she is upset and I suspect her friend(s) are most likely validating her and not helping; such is mlc, she's mad at me for her actions. She acts depressed then angry and keeps making various comments, a lot of them about how it isn't fair I went to grad school while she worked (we could make this happen for her now if we worked on things) and now asking to be allowed to see or talk to the kids which is ridiculous. She was also acting like I took this week from her, she offered it then made plans because she didn't consider she might not get recommended custody. I mostly kept quiet and let her try to justify her blaming me. I wonder if she even listened to herself, ridiculous.

Last weekend we planned on her coming to see the kids tonight. My babysitter went to see her grandmother yesterday afternoon so my sister came to watch the kids today. I texted with w last night, and told her and since she was going to be in town this week asked if she wanted to watch them and offered her my house. She sounded really depressed, then said she would like that "if the kids wanted to see her."

D has had a fever on and off since Monday. This afternoon she seemed to be getting worse so I took her to the dr. She has a throat infection. I've kept w informed all week and then today when I left work. She acted like she didn't want to see my sister or dad (honestly I didn't want him to see her either, he's not handling this well and he's upset with me for agreeing to share custody thinking I will get taken advantage of and definitely not DBing, it's so easy for others to want you to give up) so I figured out how to get home with d, then have w come over while trying not to be rude or ungrateful. She came by, it must have been just minutes after I got home, and then waited a couple blocks away at the kids' school. She was then mad at me. All of this must have been 10-15 minutes. After she was here I ran to get d's prescription and when I got back she was angry, d's fever got scary high and she had to get her cooled down which I guess is my fault. after I sat down d got up and came over to have me hold her. W got mad and stomped off to the bathroom. I held her awhile then asked if her mom could hold her so I could make dinner. W said "does she even want me too?" She stayed awhile after but seemed mad the whole time. She asked about staying the night w d, I told her idk you seem really agitated with me. She said no, then her attitude changed a little. I told her I could handle it and would call if she wanted. She told me she had been up since 4am, hadn't eaten all day, and wasn't sleeping lately so she'd probably be up anyway and to call her at 2. Then she told me she wasn't going to do any chores at my house the next day. I laughed and said I sure wasn't expecting it but that I was behind on laundry (lol, she wasn't when she lived here in Mlc land either) It kind of broke the ice for a little while and she left on a slightly better note but she was pretty awful tonight.

Maybe offering her the house to come over here to watch the kids was a mistake. I'm not trying to take them away from her like she was to me and she hadn't had them in over 2 weeks so I thought it would be nice. idk, I guess I will see how tomorrow goes. Tonight was defiantly a reminder to reach deeper for patience and to keep my eyes open.

D seems better, her fever has stayed down for awhile now and she is sleeping. Hopefully her antibiotic will start working, poor girl, she felt awful today.

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Glad to hear your daughter seems to be on the mend. Sorry she doesn't seem to be feeling well.

Seems quite the roller coaster lately, no? I think you're doing a fantastic job of listening and staying on an even keel. I do know how hard that is.

You do realize the battle is not with you, right? I think it helps to remember that when you see this back and forth and all over the place with the emotions and behavior.

Remember you didn't create it and you can't end it. What you are doing is spot on, although there are no rules with MLC. It is what it is and it takes as long as it takes. Causes and effects are seemingly random and will remain that way until they are over. She seems a long way from the end of that tunnel.

While it is worrying when she seems so depressed, try not to worry. She's an adult and may need that. Also know that anger is one way of dealing with that level of emotions. Really nothing to do with you.

Keep up the good work.


AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
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"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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Thanks for the reply AJ. It's nice to have encouragement that I'm handling things well.

Yes, quite the roller coaster. I think the guardian attorney's recommendation really shocked w, possibly a wake up call. I think that night was rock bottom for her. W has seemed to shift her anger towards her now saying how her mind was made up a long time ago, just wanted to drag it out for more money, and how she obviously liked me better, then said but you are a likable person. W told me she is going in to meet with her next week because in her letter she wrote her move was not for a promotion and largely due to OM but w says it was for a promotion, she has also mentioned how unfair it is my family met with her. I just listen and don't say much about it. I hope she doesn't have an ulterior motive but idt she would be telling me all that if she did.

W was a lot better Thursday (the day following my last post) and we spent time together every day until she left yesterday evening. I'm doing lots of listening to see where she is. I've listened to a couple books that have really helped me lately. One about apologizing. I've apologized for some things (things dealing with our disconnection which played a part in her MLC that I can now see in hindsight)before but obviously she didn't hear or accept it. I changed my approach and apologized for a couple things Thursday and I think it stuck. She was fighting back her tears really hard and thanked me. She also has not brought up working while I went to school anymore. Her attitude towards me has seemed to change for the better. When I talk with her it's like I get to talk to the old her again sometimes. I even asked her to see her tattoo again and she said you just want to see it to check me out then showed it to me again. Hmm.. I think this was big as she thought I would disapprove or judge, seeming like a parent and did just the opposite.

She took the kids Friday afternoon and stayed at my house again. She asked if I wanted to go to lunch with her but I had already planned to have lunch with my dad for his bday. I told her I would love to but already had lunch plans and she said maybe another time then. I asked if she wanted to have dinner with the kids and I that night and she said sure but said she wasn't hungry that evening because they ate late. She hung out for awhile before going to her friends for the night. Things were good through the evening but when she called the kids at bed time she was laughing and immediately changed her tone when I answered so I think my suspicion about her friend not helping the situation is probably right. Her friend doesn't have many friends, is depressed, goes to concerts all over the country and is buying a lot of w's way to go with her. She was happy w was moving back. Sometimes things seem really good and then w hangs with her and we get set back a little, frustrating.

W came back over Saturday and we took the kids to get school supplies. W warmed up pretty quick after she got to my house but made a PA (more aggressive lol) comment about the system being unfair when talking about another subject. She was a little weird for awhile (I had to tell myself to let it slide and set normal) after that but eventually we were talking normal again.

Here's a mlc one though, I'm not exaggerating, while school shopping she wasn't satisfied with any of the #2 pencils. We went through all of them in the store in the school supplies and office supplies. W opened each box, would look at them and complain then put them back. idk what that was about but I was patient and let her do her thing.

She did d's nails and hair before we left to go shopping and I asked her about the polish I bought. She told me to go to a beauty supply shop and what brands were good. After we got school supplies she wanted to go to the store she mentioned. We walked through and she showed me a lot of the different stuff and she had me get a few things. I thanked her for showing me and she was pretty friendly the rest of the afternoon. She took the kids to a bday party later on. She asked if I wanted to go but I told her I had a few things to do and was going to run the dog. She hung out a little after getting back and texted me several times and called before leaving town because she had to get a couple things for her car. We had a few more friendly texts today. Then tonight she texted to tell me she didn't feel good, she's hurting really bad with her medical issue again.

Overall I'd say things have been going pretty well. W seems to be showing way less anger/frustration towards me. We're texting and talking a lot more and joking too; I think it's a good sign we can make each other laugh. She even made a joke in reference to something that happened on our first date. She's been telling me about her apartment situation, how she's found one here but may get sued for her rent at the one she just got (she's planning on renting from the same company here) but won't know until tomorrow. She's been talking to me about her job prospects and an interview she has next week which she is excited about. I'm being very supportive and enthusiastic for her. She also has mentioned a few things about step mil so I know she is talking to her now which is good.

She mentioned needing a new car about 10 times over the last few days (last week she was complaining to me she was going to be living in her car or a shelter). I've noticed she's talked to me about a few things we've talked about before, some not long before bomb drop, including the car she wants. She must not remember.

I'm a little worried about the kids. When we went to get school supplies we had to get a couple gifts for their bday party. The kids both kept going and looking/playing with toys that were way to young for them. They were both also giving w a hard time not listening to her. I've had some trouble to but not like they were to her. I had to get on them (several times, not just at the store) and tell them not to treat their mom like that and that we would not allow it. W and I really did good together with this as she did the same for me too a few times. W said s threw a huge fit at the bday party though and hit/head butted her. Idk if this could be regression related to asd, him upset, a combination or what. He's been getting angry easily lately.

I've been reading through the MLC stages and some old posts the last few nights. It's been a good reminder to be patient and not try to expect anything right now. It's hard when I'm seeing some changes, our first mediation is in a month, and she's about to sign a second apartment lease. I've wanted to ask her if this is really what she wants but I know better. Hopefully it's what I need to be doing, I don't want to chase her back into the tunnel. Staying calm, consistent, caring, and patient. I did offer for the kids and I to take her out to dinner for her birthday next week. She said she wasn't sure, that she might be packing.

Not really getting a life but I did pick up an old hobby this weekend. I made my first batch of gluten free beer, I quit home brewing 6 or so years ago when I quit gluten. Hopefully it turns out good!

Hope everyone had a good weekend and has a good week!!

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Mmmm... Beer. smile
What's the recipe? Old family secret or something you found online?

Quote:
I think that night was rock bottom for her.
Careful with that thinking. And this one
Quote:
changed her tone when I answered so I think my suspicion about her friend not helping the situation is probably right
That leads to expectations and that is so NOT what you need right now.

She'll stay in the tunnel as long as it takes. You do NOT want her to come out early. By any stretch.

But what you're doing is spot on. Compassion, kindness, not rising to the challenges. All very good things. Makes you the rock which is important.

Read some of the history again. You'll see some of those that got through ended up becoming friends before they got back into a relationship. You're doing that and it's a good thing.

As for the kids. Yeah, keep an eye on that. A kid needs to see their parents working together so that was also a plus! They'll test - it's what they do. Don't read too much into it, but keep an eye, right?

Keep up the good work and keep journaling. One thing you may notice is that there are ups and downs over time. Right now things are up. That can change quickly, but don't let it throw you. It's a marathon not a sprint. Much like the stock market, it's what the trend looks like over a lot of time vs. the daily volatility.

AJ


"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter" MLK
Put the glass down...
"Yesterday I was clever so I wanted to change the world
Today I am wise, so I am changing myself."
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I found this one online, I used to make some good brew but GF brewing is all new to me. I will have to do a little experimenting but I almost have to use extracts to go GF though so that makes it pretty quick and easy. No family recipes but my uncle used to be a brewmaster so I've had a couple good lessons.

Thank you for the reminder about expectations. I've come a long way and don't want to do that to myself.

We've had more friendly texts over the last couple days, she's been keeping me up on her apartment situation and job interview.

I took today off work since the kids start school tomorrow. I was trying to think of something low key to do. There was an old plane that flew over my office yesterday so I looked it up and there were a couple of WW2 era planes, a C130, and a helicopter on display at the airport today. I took the kids and they loved it. Way too much money for a ride but they got to go through an old bomber and a lady with the helicopter let the kids get inside right before they took off. We had a great time.

Their school orientation was tonight. W came over and we all went. She was a cold but I didn't let it affect me. She left right after because she was going to look at an apartment. She wasn't interested when I tried to tell her about the kids' day. She was upset about the teacher s got because she's worried about how he jokes and the old principal told us he didn't know if it would be a good fit. She said she was a little mad about it in the hall. When we got home I told her we need to be positive and we can deal with any problems if they arise. She got a little upset towards me. I'm not too worried, we found out his s is on the spectrum tonight so I think it's good to have someone with firsthand experience.

W was really concerned with looking at the apartment tonight (actually 4 plex) not too far from me and told me about another (studio) she was supposed to look at tomorrow that is down town, down the street from my office. This second one scares me, there is a halfway house nearby. When we bought our house I looked up sex offenders and there were 20 some there! I told her and she had no idea. The rent is the same but the deposit at the second one is less. I told her it would be nice for her to have rooms for the kids and they needed to be safe and I would pay the difference in deposit. She just said she'd figure it out.

She stopped back by after looking at the one tonight and was super short with me. I still didn't let it bother me. She texted after I had the kids to bed and apologized for tonight. She told me she was stressed about money, her apartment, and job interview tomorrow. I told her no worries, I could tell she was stressed and it was understandable. I asked if she wanted some pics of the kids today (I tried to send them earlier but they didn't go through and she could've cared less when I told her) and she thanked me. We had a few friendly texts after that. She is coming over early in the morning to take the kids to school.

After I thought about it tonight, I bet on top of her other concerns right now she was probably embarrassed taking the kids to school. She had told some of the other kids parents about her moving and it didn't work like she planned. D got the teacher s had last year and she told me she was glad to see d, that she was afraid she was going to lose her so w evidently told people at the school too.

Even though I'm journaling about interactions with w I am working on myself every day and enjoying my time with the kids, trying to be the rock my kids, w, and I need.

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Kyh thank you for stopping by my thread.

I'm just catching up with your situation, and I wanted to say I'm really happy for you regarding the custody outcome. You must feel so relieved! How are the kids coping? I hope you can all move on from now on.

It sounds like you are doing really well in managing the complaints / conversations. I don't think she is ready for too much honesty yet, but hopefully she will start bring more honest with herself soon.

Take care smile


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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*being


"There's nothing sadder than a conman conning himself"

“There is freedom waiting for you,
On the breezes of the sky,
And you ask "What if I fall?"
Oh but my darling,
What if you fly?”

-Erin Hanson





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Thanks for stopping by Esame. Yes, it was such a relief. This was the first summer I ever wanted to go quick. The kids are coping well but I can tell everything is affecting them. There are times when they're wanting w's attention and she just can't see it. I pointed it out to her yesterday while it was happening. She's too stressed right now, hopefully when she gets settled it will help. You're sure right about the honesty, she still hasn't looked too far inward about our/her troubles. Maybe a few quick glimpses but she still blames everyone else for her poor decisions. Good thing is tough that I'm getting blamed less.

More journaling..
Yesterday w came over in the morning to bring the kids to their first day of school. I think maybe I was right about her being a little embarrassed about bringing the kids to school because she was uptight at home and on the way but seemed better walking back to my house. A couple more teachers made comments about how glad they were to see the kids and they were afraid they wouldn't be there this year. Then walking back a lady I didn't know stopped and said to w, omg i didn't know you were still here, so good to see you, etc. and about a half block later it happened again with one of s's friend's mom so she was obviously telling people the kids wouldn't be there this year.

W talked more on the way home and was nice. She told me the lady I didn't know worked next to her old office and she separated last year, was in aa, etc and that they hung out sometimes. Then later w brought up how she (w) learned she can't drink like she was in her 20s anymore and only has a drink or two now when she goes out (also making comments about getting old again). Strange, this is the first time she's said anything about it to me or even acknowledged it. I did bring it up (her going out every weekend, not coming home, blacking out - which to my knowledge has stopped but she is smoking again) a couple weeks ago when we were talking as I felt the time was right/truth dart. This was never a problem before the MLC. We talked a bit more then she brought up wanting a new car to me again, this time she mentioned a truck. At my house I told her to let me know how her interview she had scheduled went, good luck, and I'd see her later.

She dropped the kids off at my office after school but was way late picking them up (she went and met with guardian attorney). She asked if I wanted to go eat dinner with them before she left. I asked if she really wanted me to go she said "yes, it's fine." I bought us dinner and we had a nice conversation the whole time. She was asking me about what I thought about the job she was interviewing for, what I thought she should do about her apartment situation (her friend offered for her to live there but the kids would be with me and the lady showing the apartment she looked at really wants her and offered her a better one and to split her deposit up). She was telling me about the job interview/job then was telling me about wanting to take a vacation, etc. Then she brought up a truck again, saying "I bet you surprised I want a truck huh." Then she asked if I wanted the car back when she gets one. It's good to have goals but talk about counting chickens and being all over the place. I am surprised she was asking about what I thought though, and talking through dinner, that's a change.

Now today she's been pretty cold. This morning she texted me she has a follow up interview Monday. She seemed down, she thought she'd get it today. I was encouraging, reminding her that's usually how it works, it was great and she'd get it. Tomorrow is her bday, she mentioned that the elephant wine bottle holder I got her for Christmas was still at step mil's and she was using it because it looks neat and they're trying to sell their house so I got her another one in addition to the kids' gift for her. She won't be back until Sunday though.

S is now sick so we were up half the night and I worked from home today. Looks like I will be tomorrow too. I really hope I don't get sick again, this is getting ridiculous. I guess this is taking a toll on the kids' immune systems as well, but then again with some of the things they do before I can stop them it's no wonder were sick so much, lol. Hopefully we'll be well enough to do something this weekend.

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Been kind of a rough week. S is still sick, he just started to get a little better this evening. Hopefully he will be better tomorrow and can go back to school the following day, poor guy. Neither of us has got much sleep. I took him to the dr this weekend and got him anti nausea meds but as soon as they wear off he's been getting sick again.

W was back Sunday afternoon, d gave her the gifts we got and the cake we made the day before. W was happy and thanked me, I think the kids and I did a good job, not too much but she really liked her gifts. We were going to go to dinner but I ordered pizza since s was sick, I felt bad for him he couldn't have anything. W came over the next morning and took d to school and then watched s so I had a couple hours to run into my office. We had a nice morning, she really wanted to help take care of s, and she left to go to a job interview at lunch time. I was really supportive as she was stressed. She came back after and told me she got the job. I congratulated her and asked if I could hug her, she said yes she needed to hug someone. We talked quite awhile, she was really excited and told me about how her job wasn't going the best now and how her bosses kept having her take new people out and split commission when she was doing all the work and then they would quit after a few weeks and that she wasn't happy with them. She asked me several times what I thought she should do about where to live and mentioned several times about how she didn't know how she was going to move back, how she didn't have help, and how she didn't have much money. I mostly just listened and just said to let me know if I can do something for her.

We've been talking this week, mostly about s but she told me she is planning on staying with her friend here to save up some money. So the kids are going to be staying at my house and she will come over, take them out, etc on her weeks and they'll stay here. Hopefully this will work good for the kids.

Listening to w while she's been here has been a little strange at times but it's been nice. Sometimes it's like the old her, sometimes not. She is now unhappy with her bosses who encouraged her in her mlc, she has been more friendly with the pets, she mentioned how much the kids have grown a few times, and she talks frequently about being/getting old. I can see she is back to around 15, the time when her family moved across the country. I know at this age she hung out with a friend listening to music and smoking cigarettes. She is now listening to the same music and smoking cigarettes with her new friend, it's like she went back and replaced her old friend she left. She even told me she's been playing her guitar again, literally saying I've relearned x song that I played when I was 15 and hung out with x.

She wants some time with the kids this weekend so I'm going to make sure to do something for myself and stay busy. Still trying to keep my expectations at zero while being calm, consistent and supportive.

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I am sorry to read that your son is still sick. I do hope he's feeling better today.

I'm glad W came back over and enjoyed her gifts and cake. It sounds like she's finally settling down and bit and wants to spend time w/the children and doesn't have an issue w/spending time w/you as well. Sounds like she's been doing some serious thinking if she's willing to move closer and not disrupt the children's lives by uprooting them every couple of weeks. Her plan can work, but you'll need to make sure that you don't have anything lying around that you don't want her to see when she's over there during her visitation time, if you are out for a period of time.

You are doing a great job of being patient, compassionate and yes, willing to work around her crazy making. Keep up the good work!

P.S. Time to start a new thread.


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The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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Hi Kyh,
Just catching up after several weeks of holidays and then eye problems.
That's wonderful news about the custody, I'm very happy for you! Also good that your w is back in town & that you are able to have some nice conversations. Although, that may make it more difficult for you in terms of 0 expectations & detachment. I have similar issue now.
Keep up the good work & I hope your s is fine by now. Was also happy to see that kids stayed in the same school. That's great!


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Kyh,

Please start a new thread.

BTW, I hope that your son is feeling much better today.


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Thanks Bee and Job.

I will have to start a new thread when I get a chance. I just popped on the site while I went to grab a bite to eat. S started having breathing trouble and more issues Wednesday night. I took him to the pediatrician who sent me straight to the Er and then to the Children's hospital for surgery. He has pneumonia in his right lung and we've been in Icu for the last few days, hopefully we will get out tonight or tomorrow and home next week so I probably won't be posting for awhile. He's doing well but has some recovering to do.

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I am keeping you and your family, especially your son, in my thoughts and prayers. Give him plenty of hugs and kisses from us.

New Thread:

Try Not To Think Too Far Ahead

Last edited by job; 09/14/16 06:20 AM.

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The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
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