Upwards & Onwards; It Never Rains Forever

[Bee29]

Kyh, you're having such a hard time because of how things are moving. It must feel it's final. And maybe it is. I don't want to give you false hopes. I just want to say that I understand the state in which you are.
I already thought about it that though I'm more less fine now, it will be different if/when h files for divorce.
On top of the fact that it feels more final for you now, you have all the stress & fears related to your kids & their well being. & I'm sure you also worry about what will happen to your w. Yes, she is not nice to you but you still love her. So it's normal that you are having hard time detaching. You didn't want any of this. & you don't deserve any of this. So, do try detaching more but don't beat yourself up if you fail. For those who truly love it's VERY difficult.

[Kyh]

Just updating. Last weekend was a little hard. I texted w last Saturday before we went skating and she got mad at me because she scheduled to pick up a love seat when we were going. Father's Day was good to start, we camped in the backyard the night before and went up in the mountains hiking but it was rushed since we had to get home. W stopped by to pick up the kids and it was rough. I teared up a little and son was crying, running off, and hiding all over, asking to stay longer. He told me he was trying to stay as long as he could (we had a great couple weeks, they got to be their old selves again and have their old house/things). W got mad and blamed me.

This week the kids told me she has been taking them around the apartment to meet other kids, taking them cookies; they're telling me about all their new friends. Not that I don't want them to have friends there but I know she's doing it so they say they have friends there, etc for the attorney. She wasn't doing anything like that here and I question her judgement. D also told me she's been taking them around for her work (I didn't believe w was only going to work every other 2 weeks). I can't believe she's trying to do sales and taking them with. I hope she's not leaving them in the car! I'm going to ask when they're back, I have a feeling w is controlling their conversations with me. She also took them camping (kids told me real camping, thinking that came from w) this weekend. I know for a fact w has never went camping in her life before now. Worries me a little, her alone (?) with kids, bears depending on which direction she went, etc. I think she's trying to one up me. This is so frustrating.

I've been keeping busy with my car and house projects(things add up too and I know I'm going to have more attorney fees) but doing a lousy job at gal . It's really hard since I work alone. I tried to meet up with a friend but it didn't work out. I can't wait for next weekend to get my kids back.

Hope you're all having a good weekend!

[Kyh]

I got to talk to my kids this evening and I'm feeling like a wreck. It's so obvious w had them with OM this weekend. The kids told me all about going on a boat and staying at someone else's house! I asked who they were with and they said friends then w got son off the phone. I want to tell her off but know better, this is sickening I don't know how to handle it. Should I say something to w or just take my info to the guardian attorney? This is so wrong, her and OM are screwballs (to be overly nice) who does this with a married woman and her kids? I literally feel sick, so helpless and po'd. I want to say something to her so bad but didn't and its eating at me, ugggh.

[HaWho]

KYH - I am sorry. I feel for you.

I think your w will not be able to maintain taking the kids to work with her constantly. I imagine the kids are going to grow bored and become understandably disruptive? That cannot be a long term solution.

I just want you to know I am thinking of you.

[Kyh]

Thanks Hawho, I was actually thinking thinking of you and a few others here after my call and how you handle yourselves/situations and it was inspiration for me. It was so hard to hear that tonight (one thing for her A, but completely another to bring my kids around him) and I don't know what I would do if I wouldn't have found this board. I don't think a yard has been mowed or house cleaned with such anger as tonight but I kept my mouth shut. I think this will show the guardian attorney how unstable she is.

I think w thinks she can drag them around until school starts, what a way for a child to spend summer. W really has her priorities out of whack. More instability issues to bring up to attorney.

I've never wished for a fast summer but I can't wait for the next month to go by to get the attorney's decision.

[Kyh]

I can't believe w, she's making me so mad. Idk what she is trying to do, make herself look good and me bad I think.

I got an email from the guardian attorney how w contacted her saying I made the transfer of the kids difficult on Father's Day, how they weren't ready and how she had to pack and go all over the house to get their things and how I upset them. What a joke, she had to get a few things she asked if she could take with after she got there like skates, ball gloves, & flip flops as we have all separate things for them.

Then tonight I got an email from her telling me how great it is I talk to them every night and how important the consistency is. I've always done this! She's acting like I wasn't calling them before. Then she made suggestions for how I should talk to them. Telling me I'm not enthused enough for what they're telling me (d has barely been talking lately and they usually tell me they can't remember what they did) and accused me of changing subjects. I usually have to pry a conversation out of them. S did read me a book tonight though. D was also playing video game when w had them call tonight and didn't want to talk so she could play. Nice.. I also feel like she's coaching them and/or they're not talking because she's hovering but it's my fault. They're not talking to me like they were before the move. So she wants me to be enthusiastic for the things she's trying to do to make herself look good but she sure seemed to get s off the phone when I asked about their camping trip and who they went with. She is there in the background and a fraud fly stops talking and is obviously distracted. Seems to be the norm now. She's making our conversations difficult and blaming me.

She also got mad at me last night when I texted before calling. I asked if it was an ok time and she texted the kids are outside playing with friends and she'd have them come in in about 10 min. I asked if they were outside without her and she asked why. I replied the way your text reads and got a nasty reply about how she hopes I don't think she was that irresponsible, have a good night (in that guilty angry way). She also demanded to speak with her kids ASAP when she got mad at me FDay weekend. It seems like she's treating them/acting like they're her property.

Idk how to respond to her email, or if I should. She finished it so I basically have to but I don't want to seemingly agree or argue. I really think she is trying to make herself look good/me bad in writing.

Is she trying to get a reaction out of me? I instantly got upset and wanted to reply hut know better.

[Kyh]

Ugh, phone spell check. She is there in the background, talking, and s stops talking and is obviously distracted. Seems to be the norm now. She's making our conversations difficult and blaming me.

[Lifes Twists]

Kyh,

She will continue to manipulate things to justify what she is doing. Unfortunately this is part of the game and will take a long time to work its way through. At times she may even appear to be winning. You need to be strong and constant in what you do and how you respond. You must always appear to be strong. You must always be there for your children. Eventually they break. You just have to be strong enough to survive and you will come out ahead.

[Bee29]

Kyh,
I would not respond to her e-mail. I would reply to the guardian attorney how it was in your view but I'd ignore the e-mail of your w. She may use it against you one day. If you absolutely want to reply then just say that you see things differently but don't elaborate.
Be strong! Don't let her destabilise you.

[bttrfly]

hi kyh just checking in ... keep your cool, stay strong for your kids and continue protecting yourself. that's the only way to help your children through this. they need one stable parent.

keeping you in my thoughts and prayers. xoxoxo